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elderwanda
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20 Feb 2009, 11:48 pm

I'm not sure what you mean by people having an agenda. I know that an agenda is a kind of plan, but can you (or someone) give some specific examples or what you mean?



ebec11
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21 Feb 2009, 1:12 am

I used to be like that, but now I don't trust anybody for at least a year - and I'll only start trusting somebody a bit if they're female. I don't trust any males completely at the moment.
I think that most people aren't out to get me or anything, but all the same people hurt me when I let them. My biggest fear is rejection.



ebec11
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21 Feb 2009, 1:14 am

elderwanda wrote:
I'm not sure what you mean by people having an agenda. I know that an agenda is a kind of plan, but can you (or someone) give some specific examples or what you mean?
An agenda or a hidden agenda is a term that means that a person has a different motive for doing something then they tell you/you believe.



Greentea
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21 Feb 2009, 6:18 am

Neurocog1 wrote:
Really Important in a way I may never grasp.


What's so hard to grasp about competition for a better place in the social ladder?


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sanndr
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22 Feb 2009, 11:58 am

elderwanda wrote:
I'm not sure what you mean by people having an agenda. I know that an agenda is a kind of plan, but can you (or someone) give some specific examples or what you mean?


This doesn't show a full agenda, but i think it'd serve to illustrate the point.

A long time a ago there was this fellow teamlead that felt someone in the team (you) should practice skills at dealing with clients some more.
The conversation you get wrote:
Teamlead: There's a client for project A coming in on Thuesday to discuss some functionality, I'd like you to do that discussion and follow-up
You: Uh, okay
Teamlead: Don't worry, I think you're ready for this. I wouldn't put you up like that if i didn't believe you could do it.
Teamlead: If you run into problems, I'll be at the office to help out if something isn't quite clear.
You: Cool, thanks.


The conversation behind your back could be something like the following.
The conversation you don't see wrote:
Lead A: I don't know what to do with X, he's sloppy and can't communicate with clients for crap
Lead B: Yeah, you're right on that one.
Lead A: There's a client coming in on Thuesday with some small boring stuff. I'm going to let him take care of that.
Lead B: Uh, you sure about that?
Lead A: Sure, if it goes wrong I'll be around to jump in. I expect i'll have to anyhow.
Lead B: Well....... if you already know it's going to be bad, why let him do it?
Lead A: He has to learn that skill someday, might as well be now. He has to "wake up" already.
Lead B: .......... If you think that you should handle it like this, be my guest. I just think that's the wrong approach.


Guess how much i trusted my fellow teamlead after that incident :(



azulene
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12 Mar 2009, 4:20 am

My answer to this is to play along with their agenda.

Their agenda is to get as much as possible for themselves of everything possible.

Give everyone more help than they ask for or expect.

Be good and generous. Be selfless.

This keeps everyone happy. Don't worry about being used, this is not an issue.

The issue is when a couple of them decide to blatantly, amorally, viciously, ABUSE you for a protracted period of time.

Let them abuse you. Take it. Do things to make them abuse you more. Take it. Keep records. Allow them to become arrogant with their abuse so they are doing it in public. Take it. Let everyone see what the abusers are really like, the abusers will be so into destroying you they will forget everyone is watching. Tease the poison out of them. Be kind to them. When they stab you in the back, clean the knife and return it with some chocolates. Be very kind to everyone.

Let their abuse onto you grow out of proportion. They can only hurt you if you let them get to you. Understand they cannot ever get to you. The game they are playing is making you hurt yourself. If you don't get hurt, their bad energy will come back to them. And it's theirs. Theirs to keep. You just razzed it slightly. Return their unexploded mail bomb with a new detonator. Let them hurt themselves, if they are that way inclined.

I can't work the complexity of microsocial agendas out, but I have found being naive and good in a blind unrelenting generic way can be used as quite a weapon.



ImTheGuyThatDidThat
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12 Mar 2009, 5:04 am

Its possibel to learn i think, i rarely talk with people
and take what they say at facevalue, have misunderstood
and been screwed over too many times earlier.

Another thing that happens, and its always weird when
it does, is that suddenly out of the blue a memory hits
me, somethng that happened a long time ago. And i
suddenly get that lightbulb over my head and realize i
got royaly screwed over 8O I just never saw it, i
misunderstood - its really weird to suddenly realize
those things so long after it happend.

About two months ago i suddenly realized that that guy
who disappeard with a pile of my cash in 1994 wasn`t
unlucky, he took it and ran 8O how stupid am i..
*facepalm* I just listened to what he said and then
i thought no more of it, until recently. :doh: I dont
do anything about it, its been too long, but i do feel
slightly stupid.



elderwanda
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12 Mar 2009, 1:49 pm

ImTheGuyThatDidThat wrote:
Its possibel to learn i think, i rarely talk with people
and take what they say at facevalue, have misunderstood
and been screwed over too many times earlier.

Another thing that happens, and its always weird when
it does, is that suddenly out of the blue a memory hits
me, somethng that happened a long time ago. And i
suddenly get that lightbulb over my head and realize i
got royaly screwed over 8O I just never saw it, i
misunderstood - its really weird to suddenly realize
those things so long after it happend.

About two months ago i suddenly realized that that guy
who disappeard with a pile of my cash in 1994 wasn`t
unlucky, he took it and ran 8O how stupid am i..
*facepalm* I just listened to what he said and then
i thought no more of it, until recently. :doh: I dont
do anything about it, its been too long, but i do feel
slightly stupid.



I get those "out of the blue" lightbulb moments sometimes.

One that came to me about a year ago was a memory of this "boyfriend" I had when I was 14. He was a real catch :roll: , I must say. I used to cut school and ride the bus across the Bay into San Francisco to meet up with him. He was 19 and had recently been thrown out of Army boot camp for going nutty. He convinced me, his 14 year old girlfriend, to give him some money (at least I got an allowance) to "buy a carton of eggs."

For YEARS, I believed that this doofus actually used the money to buy a carton of eggs. As if this nutbag would know what to do with 12 eggs. It suddenly dawned on me that he didn't want to say, "Please give me some money so I can buy a carton of CIGARETTES," so he changed it to "eggs".

Another one is a memory of my high school English teacher, who I had a bit of a crush on for a while. He told me one year that he wouldn't be coming back to school the next year because he had gotten a position as a principal in another district. I believed that for YEARS. But then I realized, this was a man who would NEVER be offered a job as a principal. He: A) Had a terrible relationship with the principal of our school (his boss) and therefore wouldn't have been likely to get a recommendation, B)smoked pot. I know he did because I went to his house to say good-bye, being the naive person I was, and there was a bag of pot right there on the table, C) stuck his nasty tongue in his student's mouths. Yuck! :x , and D) was a compulsive liar. So now, I'm 99% certain he got fired. :lol:



Learning2Survive
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12 Mar 2009, 2:12 pm

i;m overly suspicious and a cynical skeptik. i always question emails from friends, thinking - are they faking friendliness? is this normal - or am i messed up? ami just very afraid of being caught naive?



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12 Mar 2009, 2:22 pm

A smart woman learns from her mistakes.

A wise woman also learns from the mistakes of others.



Greentea
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12 Mar 2009, 5:57 pm

People who learn from their own mistakes only are exceptionally wise compared to the rest of the population too.


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