All my "friends" abandoned me.



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Mophesh
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21 Feb 2009, 2:14 pm

I remember when I was 13 or 14; back then, I had lots of friends, and they all accepted me.
One year later, I didn't get to see them as often, but we were still all true friends.
The year after that, people only talked to me when they needed help, even though they'd talk to all their other friends like true friends.
Now, NOBODY talks to me. Nobody except for one girl, but lately it seems like not even she wants me around.

What's wrong with me? Why is it that nobody wants me around? What have I ever done to anybody? Why have they all left me?

I never figured this out and it's troubling me. Can someone help?


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Ana54
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21 Feb 2009, 2:45 pm

You don't need those people when you have us on WP. We'll treat you like a true friend.



21 Feb 2009, 3:52 pm

Maybe their interests changed and yours didn't? That happens to everybody. I lost my friends too when I was nine because their interests changed so they stopped coming over to play with me. They didn't want toys. So because I lost my peer groups, I went for the younger kids.



Ticker
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21 Feb 2009, 5:23 pm

Welcome to growing up. As people approach adulthood their interests change to relationships, hanging out with that one special person they are dating, getting ready for college, their first job, etc. I noticed your age so you are right at the age people gradually spend less time with "friends" and more time with their gf or bf. And people get busy with work and college, the older you get the more this will happen and you find its harder to make new friends or meet new people. Just wait till those friends have babies, then you'll never hear from them. In other words Aspies tend more to get stuck in a rut and don't mature as fast as their classmates just like Spokane Girl mentioned about playing with toys after the other kids her age had matured past that.

If your age group is doing something you aren't doing then you don't have appeal to them.



Mophesh
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21 Feb 2009, 5:42 pm

Ticker wrote:
Welcome to growing up. As people approach adulthood their interests change to relationships, hanging out with that one special person they are dating, getting ready for college, their first job, etc. I noticed your age so you are right at the age people gradually spend less time with "friends" and more time with their gf or bf. And people get busy with work and college, the older you get the more this will happen and you find its harder to make new friends or meet new people. Just wait till those friends have babies, then you'll never hear from them. In other words Aspies tend more to get stuck in a rut and don't mature as fast as their classmates just like Spokane Girl mentioned about playing with toys after the other kids her age had matured past that.

If your age group is doing something you aren't doing then you don't have appeal to them.
Except they kept the same interests, same friends, same EVERYTHING. Only thing different was that they all stopped talking to me.


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Greentea
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23 Feb 2009, 2:57 pm

What's the difference between you and the friends they do continue seeing? That may give you a clue.


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mitharatowen
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23 Feb 2009, 3:02 pm

This sort of happened to me once. I kept on my same routine.. I sat at the same tables we had always sat at.. but they didn't come anymore. I didn't understand why but I figured they didn't want to be with me for some reason so I just kept doing what I always do. Later on it turned out that I guess I should have gone after them.. the whole thing was insitgated by one girl who wanted to 'take a break and not be around anyone' and the rest of the group followed after her. I suppose I should have done the same if I really wanted to be with my friends.. make an effort myself to be with them.

Imo, they left me so why should I have to make the moves.. but I don't know. People are weird.

:shrug:



Magliabechi
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23 Feb 2009, 3:06 pm

Mophesh wrote:
I remember when I was 13 or 14; back then, I had lots of friends, and they all accepted me.
One year later, I didn't get to see them as often, but we were still all true friends.


It's great that you had friends; many of us have never had friends.

Magliabechi.



inca
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24 Feb 2009, 8:50 pm

Have you made any efforts to keep the relationships going? Maybe you need reach out and send an invite to lunch or whatever your friends do. At least if you try you might get answers. It seem that the older you get the busier people get with their own issues.



protest_the_hero
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24 Feb 2009, 11:37 pm

I've had some tough teen years so far too. Find your path in life and either new friends and/or don't give up on the old ones you still want.



Henriksson
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25 Feb 2009, 4:29 am

I haven't even had friends.


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hayleylovesyou
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25 Feb 2009, 1:54 pm

You might be experiencing what I've taken to calling a "Friendocalypse" - I've had 3 group ones since I was about 17 (I'm 26 now)

Though I've tried and at times thought I was succeeding, I've never been able to really have more than 1 or 2 actual friends at a time, though there have been times when I appeared to have a large group of friends when we were in the same extra-curricular or committee group (all ending in friendocalypses) and other times where I've had none.

You're a guy, and guys might work differently, but in my case there was always a kind of self-proclaimed "leader" of the group who decided that she didn't want to hang out with me, and other people followed her because either they agreed or just wanted badly to stay "a part of the group" that they didn't stand up for me (some later apologized and said they were wrong, others never did). Since this seems less sudden, maybe other people are right that interests have just changed.

To keep friends, I know I have to make a sometimes unnatural feeling effort to keep them in my life and remind them that I'm here, and that means calling them up to chat about shared interests (like TV, we chat about the new BSGs, Offices, music, maybe politics if we agree, news events, etc) or inviting them out to dinner, a movie, the park, to sport, just something that forces interaction. They may think you stopped liking them b/c you weren't contacting them even if you didn't "do anything" obviously wrong.

If you try this and they seem cold, turn you down, or it is awkward, forget them. Maybe seek out new groups or activities that interest you and try to bond with them. At the end of the day, if you can just find one person who shares your interests to hang out with, you're better off than a lot of people, NTs and Aspies combined.

You might just need to decide how important social things are for you. I've still never figured out a way to stop having friendocalypses (the last one being in '06) and they never stop hurting, but for me it has been better to have tried and lost than to never have tried at all.

Though I might need to re-think that, since I'm just figuring out I'm an Aspie.

Luckily, even in the loneliest of times, the internet is always here.



tjr1243
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20 Dec 2012, 11:17 pm

The same thing happened to me.



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