What you leave behind

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I'm moving through a phase right now where i'm attempting to work through things. Upon finding out about my Asperger's I realize I had been somewhat treating it for years without ever realizing it. Now that I feel that i'm on the precipice of getting to a mangable level socially and with who I am with my AS... I wonder exactly what i've left behind.

Now that I know what I am and what that entails, I love the aspects of it that give me a unique and powerful perspective on the world. I love those parts of me, so so very much and I feel that in attempting to become more "adjusted" that i'll lose that part of me. I already feel a stark difference between me now and me 4 years ago, and I miss certain parts of it. It could just be maturity... but it could be something more.

John Elder Robison and Liane Holliday Willey have both written about a loss as the years have passed and they've learned to manage their Asperger's, and I wonder will it happen to me.

I want it all... but is it possible? Will I have to compromise between two things that I want in my life so dearly?

I don't think it's a compromise to have a public life and a private life.
Is that picture you? Woo, you're handsome.
Oops, is a 56 yr old married lady allowed to say that?

Well, if what you're experiencing is similar to what I am experiencing, then it is realization, and not loss of ability.

Sometimes I feel like I am less talented and capable than I was a few years ago, but I don't see any viable reason why I would be. It was the realization that perhaps I am not all that talented and capable. I am just another human being that can perform tasks.