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Bonny
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13 Jun 2009, 2:48 am

oops...sorry for the heavy on Bold... I don't think it's subconscious symbolism...just me in a hurry!!?! :roll:



Morgana
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14 Jun 2009, 10:07 am

Okay, I will definitely start that thread at some point...but not yet- (I am very busy at work at the moment, so can only keep up with a few threads right now). Maybe in about 2 weeks time, when things calm down.

I had another few questions I wanted to ask, relating to this thread.

Here is the next question: did any of you read lots of books about relationships (or dating, etc.) in an attempt to intellectually figure out what was going on? If so, was it many, or few books? Did any of you actually study it, as a special interest? Did any of your reading actually help, or did it hinder you- (i.e., feeling overwhelmed, or realizing you didn´t have certain social "skills", or feeling intimidated by the fact that the unseen social world is incredibly complex).-?

I have a confession to make: not only did I read things based for women, but I also tried to get into "men´s culture" and read men´s magazines, books and online programs for men- (how to pick up women, etc.) :oops: I still get some of these in my e-mail- (I have an androgynous sounding e-mail address, so I could apply, pretending I was a man). I did this because, due to years of having these apparent empathy problems with men in relationships and experiencing their grief at my not being able to read their minds, I thought there was something I just wasn´t "getting" about men, which other women seemed to understand. I read all this stuff written by men, about male culture, in an attempt to get into the mindset of men so I could understand them better and possibly relate to them better. (But it just made me depressed!) Did anyone else do that???? (or is it just me? :oops: )


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14 Jun 2009, 11:02 am

I've read body language books in an attempt to get better social skills overall, and I read 'The Game' (a guide for 'pickup artists') so I would have more of an idea what was going on in relationships and could get a clearer idea about what kind of behaviour was genuine.



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14 Jun 2009, 5:09 pm

I don't recall reading a book specifically about relationships. However, in my early twenties I would study them in films and on TV. I wouldn't go out of my way to do this, but would find myself obsessing over making sense of them. I assumed they were like real life. I found it extremely confusing.

I was exposed to men's mags. etc. through my brothers and cousins. They taught me some unpleasant things.



Morgana
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16 Jun 2009, 10:10 am

activebutodd wrote:
I've read body language books in an attempt to get better social skills overall, and I read 'The Game' (a guide for 'pickup artists') so I would have more of an idea what was going on in relationships and could get a clearer idea about what kind of behaviour was genuine.


I´ve heard of that book, "The Game". Is it good? Do you recommend it? I thought it wasn´t only about pickup artists, but about social situations in general; am I wrong about that?


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Morgana
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16 Jun 2009, 10:14 am

outlier wrote:
I don't recall reading a book specifically about relationships. However, in my early twenties I would study them in films and on TV. I wouldn't go out of my way to do this, but would find myself obsessing over making sense of them. I assumed they were like real life. I found it extremely confusing.

I was exposed to men's mags. etc. through my brothers and cousins. They taught me some unpleasant things.


What unpleasant things did they teach you???

About the movie thing, I do that- (still!) I realize movies aren´t always about real life, but I figure they are at least a reflection of life. And if you have no other way of figuring out what´s going on, that´s probably as good as anything else. I guess I do a lot of analyzing about these things.


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outlier
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16 Jun 2009, 11:00 am

^ Yes they can help, but I used to honestly think the movies etc. were an accurate portrayal of real-life relationships. :lol:

Morgana wrote:
What unpleasant things did they teach you???


They taught me about this entity known as lad culture: football, porn, birds, booze, and cars.



Morgana
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21 Jun 2009, 9:37 am

outlier wrote:
^ Yes they can help, but I used to honestly think the movies etc. were an accurate portrayal of real-life relationships. :lol:


I thought this too, and still sometimes wonder. I learn more from movies than I ever can from observing people, especially, as in relationships, so much goes on "behind closed doors".

I notice lately, when I watch movies, the woman always seduces the man these days, whereas in the past, the man always seduced the woman. I wonder: does this mean that times have changed, and nowadays it is more likely or expected that the woman initiate? Or is the public just fascinated by assertive women???


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outlier
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21 Jun 2009, 4:47 pm

I don't watch many movies (and am even less familiar with the social scene), but would guess it's related to what you said: audiences finding a confident, assertive woman fascinating (in addition to socially more acceptable and familiar now). As long as it's accompanied by specific physical features, the audience would find it sexy. Many men would want to be with her and many women would want to be her.