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rushfanatic
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Thu Mar 19, 2009 8:05 am

Wow, I just need to vent here, please... After looking for work for months in an area within my elements (plants, greenhouse, backroom inventory) I was hired just over a week ago. The first day I felt snubbed, and I really trried to be friendly,though I was not verbal.. I smiled to people, did my work the best as I could, etc..The next day at the work station,whick was empty, I was told by the gal next to me to wait because someone else may be stationed there, even though I clocked in and was ready to begin. The superior told me to go ahead and sit there, but I was so snubbed by EVERYONE.No one spoke to me, they spoke past me to talk to those around me, did not seem to want to answer questions I had, etc.. Oh, Lord, it was like high school again. they were on cellphones yacking, eating, etc. while I frantically tried to keep up with inventory demands..I am damned if I do, and damned if I don't. The next days I found my stuff placed in the back desk, where one would sit cramped amidst a printer and junk trays on the desk..but because I came in early, I sat where I usually would sit at the station...NO ONE ACKNOWLEDGES ME during the 6 hours I am there, even if I try to make small talk.. These are decent folks, no one makes more than a bit above min-wage, but I feel like I am so not welcome, so out of my elements here. I used to do independent landscaping and cleaning, and this is my first payroll job in 7 years, so I am very shy around folks.. I am just so saddened by this. I am trying so hard here.My asperger traits keep me from even talking to anyone, and I get tongue-tied when the superior asks me for my orders.. Please help me here. I feel so beaten in this world..



dedhead66
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Thu Mar 19, 2009 8:35 am

That's a bad feeling, having everyone ignore you. It's probably not just your aspiness coming out either. Some places I've worked have the clique thing going. Many of the people have been there for years and until you get some time under your belt they treat you like crap.

If you enjoy the job, I would try to deal with the other workers, maybe try to be more outgoing(easier said than done I know). If they continue snubbing you then it gets down to how much are you willing to take for the money you're making.

edit: In my case I know people can sense there is something different about me even if they can't quantify what that difference is. I think for many aspies this is the case. You try to be friendly, make smalltalk, blend in as much as possible but there is still that difference there that most NTs sense.



rushfanatic
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Thu Mar 19, 2009 9:00 am

dedhead66 wrote:
That's a bad feeling, having everyone ignore you. It's probably not just your aspiness coming out either. Some places I've worked have the clique thing going. Many of the people have been there for years and until you get some time under your belt they treat you like crap.

If you enjoy the job, I would try to deal with the other workers, maybe try to be more outgoing(easier said than done I know). If they continue snubbing you then it gets down to how much are you willing to take for the money you're making.

edit: In my case I know people can sense there is something different about me even if they can't quantify what that difference is. I think for many aspies this is the case. You try to be friendly, make smalltalk, blend in as much as possible but there is still that difference there that most NTs sense.
yes, you got that last part spot-on..they can see I am different, very different..Non-threatening, but certainly unlike them.. I have an "aspie' decal on my vehicle, and wonder if anyone would ever ask, "what does that mean?"Because of their ways, they would probably laugh at me, say I am weird , a freak, etc.behind my back... What is wrong with these people? They joke about getting drunk, spilling boxes of seeds on the floor, doing half-ass work on their employer's time.. To do a good job means squat, to be polite means jack. It is much cooler to diss people than to befriend them.... It just makes so so sad because I really try to be a good, gentle person in this world, and it is all for naught...



dedhead66
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Thu Mar 19, 2009 9:08 am

That's the problem. They're talking about things that are totally alien to you, have mindsets that you can't relate to. Trying to fit in is almost impossible with some people, especially if they're trying to make it as difficult as possible..



ephemerella
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Thu Mar 19, 2009 9:09 am

good advice from dedhead66... deliberate ignoring can be a kind of bullying when it's embarrassing and obvious, like a form of public humiliation. Like he said, it could even be a kind of testing by the clique, to see what you'll do.

But how you hold up against that has a lot to do with how you feel about yourself and how they will feel about you.

Try to have hope and inspiration and be in a happy, optimistic place in the face of the snubbing. That will win probably more acceptance there, than responding to their snubbing by becoming depressed.

Congratulations on getting that job! Hold onto that happy thought.



rushfanatic
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Thu Mar 19, 2009 9:18 am

ephemerella wrote:
good advice from dedhead66... deliberate ignoring can be a kind of bullying when it's embarrassing and obvious, like a form of public humiliation. Like he said, it could even be a kind of testing by the clique, to see what you'll do.

But how you hold up against that has a lot to do with how you feel about yourself and how they will feel about you.

Try to have hope and inspiration and be in a happy, optimistic place in the face of the snubbing. That will win probably more acceptance there, than responding to their snubbing by becoming depressed.

Congratulations on getting that job! Hold onto that happy thought.
Thank you for the inspiring advice..I needed a kleenex ....I do feel better now..:)



nomad32
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Thu Mar 19, 2009 11:25 am

I go thru this every day almost, it hasn't got better with time. it seems like hours will go by with people talking around me. it started when one employee went overboard pointing out the differences that I had with everyone else I went to management about it and they talked to him about it. it only became more intense every employee when were both there caters to him and will do they're best to avoid me. he went around the store telling everyone about it but, not a single person asked me anything even though I have been there over 2 and a half years. I use to run my own business for years and didn't think I would ever have these problems again this rivals high school in a lot of ways. I hope your situation improves and sometimes the only thing you can hope for is a transfer or a mass exodus if you want to keep the job.



asplanet
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Sat Mar 21, 2009 8:46 am

rushfanatic I can so relate and know how painful it is to want to fit work wise but feel on the outside of whats going on....Work wise I spent half a life time trying to fit in and not understanding why I never did a comment from one of my ex bosses, I did not understand myself, so how could she:
"I felt really sad when I read the bit about your work experience and especially about interviews . I remember the interview you did that I sat in and being really puzzled about how you came across - as you say you knew you could do the job, we knew you could do it but it wasn't coming out at the interview. Now I have been reading what you have to say about AS I think I can begin to understand."

I have been in interviews with people I know, doing the job better than others ever had and still failed interviews, that has been one of things that has always held me back... I use to be so nervous, no chance before I began, l would go red, shutter, jumble everything up and realize now found so hard because I often went into sensory overload, we should have aspie / autie user friendly interviews, but the problem is others do not get it, they just think we are nervous and not capable, the times I have had to over prove myself and still continual to.

Of course others just think not being educated my fault, not preparing for an interview my fault... they have no idea. And even if they did, inform them of asd, our neurological differences often becomes another reason for them not to employ us, no one has ever made any attempt to understand me, just push me aside, I guess as I did not understand myself, how could they, but each interview became my worst school nightmare memories... I feel the way ads individuals are interviewed at present is so wrong, it's like telling a blind person they have to read the paper in front of them, pointless, so interview adapted.

My point while we continue to be expected to work on everyone else's terms sadly many doors will stay closed for us, all I can say is your truly not alone in your struggle...


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Dee_
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Thu Mar 26, 2009 4:30 am

I used to get that a lot as well whenever I started a new job...

I just go off in my own world and do not even realise anyone else is around... Me and my work and I am lost in thoughts within my own place...

I have to deal with these incerasing amount of 'psychological' profiles that employers use to 'weed out' those less dsirables.

So, I roleplay while doing these interviews and usually do pretty well. I roleplay as if this is what an ideal type of employee for this particular company would be like...

Those who like to talk... usually their life is boring as it is and they need stimulus... too bad it is drama that they prefer...

Something that nips it in the bud....
Speak your mind...
Be blunt, truthful and honest...
Do not concern yourself how others fell/think about this or that...
Decide on something (internal) and stick to your guns...

Being too shy will work against you...

Someone will always talk, someone will never be happy...

I learned that it is better to be fair than to be nice. There will always be somoene you will not be able to make happy, but if youre fair, they will respect that from you than to walk over you when oure nice...


I am guilty of being too nice and shy in the past... Been working on this within myself for years now and I have been able to become a better person because of it. It does work but it does take time. It is like going against what youre brain is wired to do. It can be re-wired if you are determined enough...

Being ASD, we have an advantage that NT's lack in this area... We go on an obsession to do such a thing... we will have the drive and determination to be able to do it. Just got to get it to click just right.


Hope this helps.



djinnNtonic
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Thu Mar 26, 2009 11:14 am

Rushfanatic: I know exactly what you're going thru. My current job isn't nearly as bad in this way as past jobs I've had. The worst was working in the mail room of a large local newspaper some years back, my coworkers from back then sound pretty similar to what you're experiencing now.

When I started there it was pretty obvious everyone else had been there a long time, and I was defintely odd man out. Also learned the hard way that you couldn't be slower than everyone else or (god forbid) faster than everyone else. You had to work at THEIR pace. Not to mention all the snubbing I had to put up with, they couldn't tolerate anyone with a difference of opinion or anyone who simply didn't fit in for whatever reason.

Eventually they grudgingly put up with me because I was a good worker, but then I witnessed them treating another newcomer even worse than how they treated me, it was like something out of a bad HS drama. I got really mad, tried sticking up for him, then went to management over it (they were really bullying this guy who was probably also an aspie, even more withdrawn than I was) and stirred up a real can of worms, he quit because he couldn't take the harassment and snubbing anymore. Eventually I wound up leaving over it as well, since I went to mgt I was now persona non grata.

Sometimes, unfortunatley, you do have to leave and try working somewhere else. Not all my jobs have been this bad but when all else fails, and there just aren't any other options, you have to ask yourself if its really worth it or not.


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Fnord
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Thu Mar 26, 2009 11:28 am

My Cr0.02...

You may just be expecting too much, too soon. People who hold back in a wait-and-see mode may tend to gravitate towards agriculture-based businesses where they don't often know what the seed will produce until it comes to full flower.

(D'ya get the analogy there?)

Give it time. Do your job, be friendly, and exercise patience.


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nomad32
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Fri May 01, 2009 8:30 pm

I finally changed my situation I quit my job and opening my own comic and book shop. I did plan this for a while while I was working I didn't quit in a huff or anything. risky but, I can finally feel comfortable in my own surrounding. I might not be rich but,I will give maximum effort every day.



nomad32
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Fri May 01, 2009 8:31 pm

I finally changed my situation I quit my job and opened my own comic and book shop. I did plan this for a while while I was working I didn't quit in a huff or anything. risky but, I can finally feel comfortable in my own surrounding. I might not be rich but,I will give maximum effort every day.



spherical_chicken
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Sat May 02, 2009 10:20 pm

From my observations, it seems that the more different you are, the more you need to distinguish yourself in your abilities in order to be accepted. Most jobs do not allow you the freedom to distinguish yourself beyond the limitations of the scope of your work, while simultaneously hitting you with irrelevant stimuli, decreasing the quality of your work and increasing your level of irritation and stress. I am not very experienced as I have had only one job, and for only one month at that, but I was most able to distinguish myself by avoiding co-workers and performing my job functions to the extent of my capabilities. My job was simple, I worked at Subway and I made sandwiches for customers. There was very little room to show my colours in that work environment, however I did what I could by making flawless sandwiches. I was given charge of the restaurant on weekends, but was unable to cope with the tasks and so I quit. Many of my co-workers had worked there for months or years and were not given that level of responsibility, so I believe that co-workers are inherently evil job-sapping life-sucking wretches and it is dangerous to attempt to satisfy your social requirements at work. I wish you the best, and I hope that your situation improves, and I wish so too for all of us who face these difficulties.



ironangel
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Wed May 06, 2009 12:43 am

great job you got there :)


i love your environment (the people) hope to find the same :)



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