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MissConstrue
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06 Apr 2009, 9:14 pm

Aspie_Chav wrote:
lotusblossom wrote:
Aspie_Chav wrote:
MissConstrue wrote:
Aspie_Chav wrote:
On Saturday Speeddater lock and key, when talking to some woman did say that I come over as a very happy person. I figured that I too must suffer from Fat-Jolly-Girl Syndrome also. On the outside I appear happy, on the inside miserable as hell.


WTF? :lmao:

What'Wait! You think a lie me y tell!
Fat-Jolly-Girl Syndrome; I don't now if this sydrome has a scientific name. Make those who are not the most attractive, an small advantage that will help them find somone, as they appear very happy. The opposite of an unhappy person who most o unnatractive. I know one girl at work; and when she comes into a room, she makes me smile? her favorate word is "Its Friday". And noone would know that yout of 300 men, I am the closest thng to a depressed Mr Spock.


I dont understand why you dont have any luck though as when we met you were handsome, funny, intelligent and all good things. Must be something wrong with the women you are persuing.


Image



Shy guys are hawt......I mean cute... :oops:


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Space
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06 Apr 2009, 10:38 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:
jawbrodt wrote:
Space wrote:
I am not sure how to work on my personality. I try not to lie, try not to be condescending or negative, try and compliment the person. My problem is I spend most of my free time alone and in my head. You begin to get mad at the world and frustrated after 25 years. My solution to that is to work out, work a job, and go to school full time. When I am not busy though, the anger comes back. Then I start to freak myself out thinking I am just a crazy, lonely, obsessive, quiet, often angry person. It is a vicious circle to be in and I don't know where to get help or if I just have to wait for my life circumstances to change so I will have a different response to my life. I guess that's my only option unless I want to put a bullet in my head or resort to chronic drug/alcohol abuse to numb myself.



Don't take this the wrong way, but, from what I've read from you here, and in the past....you seem to have alot of anger issues. It seems as if you already know that. On of the wosrt things you can do is acquire a reputation as being a hot-head. I'm pretty sure that it will scare most women away. I don't know if you are against meds or not, but it might be a good option to try, if only temporarily. It might help you have more control. Don't put alot of pressure on yourself to change instantly either, these things take time. Just try to think about what you say before you say it, and then think "does this sound like I'm pissed off?". Trust me, I grew up with an evil step-father who was angry all the time, and nobody was comfortable around him. If you learn to appear happy, then people will respond to you, and you will actually become happy. Happiness feeds on itself, it's a "snowball effect". :)


Agreed -- you seem to have kind of a confrontational thing going on, even in your profile pic -- lots of emphasis on battle, fighting, being wronged, etc. Not unusual for a guy your age, dealing with life's frustrations, full of testosterone and ready to take on life, but at some point, it becomes unhealthy, and as the guy above me said, it does tend to scare women. Women get scared by too much anger, too much testosterone (they like a confident, balanced guy, not a berserker waiting to off) -- in their mind, someone like that is a liability more than an asset. They want a guy who will be confident and assertive, but not suicidal and controlling.

I bet if you just dialed it back a bit, your life would get so much better. Like I said above, you're trying too hard, you're spinning your wheels instead of checking your traction and where it is you're going. You're so focused on getting there fast that you're not having a good time, or even sure about where "where" is.

Try reading some self-help books -- Anthony Robbins is good, and "How to Make Friends and Influence People" is really a great one as well (as cliche'ed as that sounds). And look into professional help -- When I was your age and pissed off about all manner of things, I was seeing a psychiatrist.

I am currently trying to book an appointment with a counselor who deals in anger and addictions.



jawbrodt
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06 Apr 2009, 11:08 pm

^Awesome. 8) I hope that works out for you. :)


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Cyanide
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07 Apr 2009, 12:37 am

I am not clingy at all. Whenever I do have a girlfriend, I don't need to see her as often as "normal" people would. One of my friends sees her boyfriend 4 or 5 nights a week, but personally that would drive me insane haha.



jbinion
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08 Apr 2009, 9:15 pm

man f**k Nts that act like that, they are stupid and ignorant......you know i wonder the same thing...and ignore all that confidence stuff "Women want someone whos confident" naw women want someone who's cute and if not that they want soemone who appears like hes confident....but what is confidence....DONT THINK ABOUT IT!! ! its stupid and a waste of time, dont know how easy life is when i'm not worrying about some girl....Sometimes i think about starting my own support gioup to help out aspies with this problem...i too have this problem as well......Acting like you dont care about a girl is not going to make her like you. If she likes you then she does....If you feel like u have to act like u dont like her, then she porbabluy doesnt like u. and if it's this was with all the girls u like then they don't like you. f**k THEM. Who cares???? you care!! ! we all care!! ! that's why we need to start something to help aspies and socializing. They have all this s**t for people with Kanner's Syndrome, and no gluten in the diet...Ugh sorry that stuff doesnt help people with asperger's syndrome. What helps us is still a mystery. For some reason I feel that Auts or Kanner's Syndrome people are much more happier people than aspies asperger's.



yesplease
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08 Apr 2009, 10:46 pm

sunshower wrote:
I felt very needy/lonely/clingy when I didn't have much friendship, but now I do have lots of friendship I don't feel that way very often.
Win! Emotional intimacy does not require physical intimacy. :idea:



Ruchard
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09 Apr 2009, 8:25 am

I don't mind being alone i like being bymyself i don't want someone around me everyday.



JennaJ
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12 Apr 2009, 9:47 pm

SilverStar wrote:
Space wrote:
I am thinking about how often I feel lonely and want someone. Should I just not feel lonely? Feel nothing, then people will be attracted to me? I don't understand the NT social rules, they say if you act lonely or like you want someone, then you're desperate and unattractive? But if you act like you don't want someone, then you don't want a relationship, right? I am feeling very socially ret*d today.


There is a difference between acting like you want a relationship, and acting needy, clingy, or desperate. These types of people can be too forward and pushy, trying to rush into a relationship, or they can be push-overs. They call you constanstly, are always in need of attention, won't let you go anywhere with out them beside you, or they can be too agreeable, not stand up for what they believe in, and let other people walk all over them. In short, they either smother you with too much attention, or they try to take too much attention from you. The key here is balance.

I think most women look for guys that have confidence and can challenge them, without being any of the things I mentioned above.

Before I get flamed...no I am not an expert.


I agree with this, and even tho I am not an expert I like to think i am pretty good at relationship advice as i have educated myself on the matter for a long time, and there is a big difference in WANTING a relationship and being desperate to find one, and yes, you WILL give off a vibe if you are in the latter category vs former.



JennaJ
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12 Apr 2009, 9:50 pm

jbinion wrote:
man f**k Nts that act like that, they are stupid and ignorant......you know i wonder the same thing...and ignore all that confidence stuff "Women want someone whos confident" naw women want someone who's cute and if not that they want soemone who appears like hes confident....but what is confidence....DONT THINK ABOUT IT!! ! its stupid and a waste of time, dont know how easy life is when i'm not worrying about some girl....Sometimes i think about starting my own support gioup to help out aspies with this problem...i too have this problem as well......Acting like you dont care about a girl is not going to make her like you. If she likes you then she does....If you feel like u have to act like u dont like her, then she porbabluy doesnt like u. and if it's this was with all the girls u like then they don't like you. f**k THEM. Who cares???? you care!! ! we all care!! ! that's why we need to start something to help aspies and socializing. They have all this sh** for people with Kanner's Syndrome, and no gluten in the diet...Ugh sorry that stuff doesnt help people with asperger's syndrome. What helps us is still a mystery. For some reason I feel that Auts or Kanner's Syndrome people are much more happier people than aspies asperger's.


But...you have it all wrong. Confidence doesn't mean you don't act like you want a girl. Confidence is liking who you are and if you do like her there is nothing wrong with letting her know it. The problem between non confident men and those who are is that a confident man can let her know he likes her but doesn't need to make her his EVERYTHING because he is ok with who he is without her.



BPalmer
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12 Apr 2009, 10:15 pm

^^^ No-one would expect me to say a thing like this, but........... Well put!



solinoure
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13 Apr 2009, 10:57 am

SilverStar wrote:
...and can challenge them...


What does this mean?

My longest, arguably most successful relationship was with a girl I treated poorly to indiferently. I did care about her, but I was not in-love with her and I told this to her to her face.

When I asked her why she was with me, she said becasue I was a challenge.

After two years of this, I began to become sweet on her and was slowly falling in love, I started being more romantic and buying her nice gifts... she dumped me within months.


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billsmithglendale
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13 Apr 2009, 11:01 am

solinoure wrote:
SilverStar wrote:
...and can challenge them...


What does this mean?

My longest, arguably most successful relationship was with a girl I treated poorly to indiferently. I did care about her, but I was not in-love with her and I told this to her to her face.

When I asked her why she was with me, she said becasue I was a challenge.

After two years of this, I began to become sweet on her and was slowly falling in love, I started being more romantic and buying her nice gifts... she dumped me within months.


Clearly she was dysfunctional. While there is some truth to not letting women walk all over you, because they won't respect you, you probably don't want to get too involved with someone who relishes it when you treat them like dirt. There' s some middle ground here to reach.