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Re: Your Brain's 'Love Chemicals' may also make you Autistic (Score: 1)
by stratman Monday, May 21 @ 20:12:12 EDT
(User Info | Send a Message) | | I have had a history of falling deeply in love, OCD, or whatever, and then my I would feel totally rejected. The woman would not understand what was going on with me.
In his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey refers to empathy as psychological air. Just as we need air for our physical wellbeing, we need empathy for our emotional well being. Looking back I can see that I became totally absorbed in relationships where the woman appeared to me to be empathizing with me. However, when she was going through something difficult or was even a little irratated with me, I was not able to empathize with her. I didn't give her any psychological air and I felt like she was taking my air away. I felt suffocated and, in effect, would suffocate her. The relationship would quickly die.
Eighteen years ago I married a wonderful woman after we broke up three times during our engagement. It's been really tough, and I know it has taken a toll on her. Since I found out that I have Asp I have been learning to cope by resisting the impulse to see her emotionally down or irritated times as rejection of me.
Even though I do not effectively empathize with her, I can accept the simple truth that she has struggles just as legitimate as anything I experience and her feelings are not all about me. She is not really taking my air and I do not need to either fight her or run from her to get my air back. By the grace of God I am learning to feel safe in our relationship in spite of my limitations. I would love to learn to truly empathize with her, but for the time being I will do the best with what I have. |
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