Wrong Planet

Maja Toudal is a student with Asperger's I met in Copenhagen, Denmark. Here are her tips for succeeding in your classroom.

I realize that not every part of this will be applicable in every country. We have different educational systems, and this is tailored to mine. This is meant as an inspiration to what you can do to make the student-teacher relationship go well from the beginning.

When I begin a new semester there’s a conversation I must repeat. Actually, it’s getting to the point where it’s more of a monologue. I have some diagnoses that make it difficult for me to be in a classroom, and while I do my best to deal with it, there are still a few things that will be affected.

I need a place – preferably always the same – on the first row, and away from the door. This allows me to create an imaginary sensory bubble around myself, the teacher and blackboard, which excludes the rest of the room. That way, I can pay attention in class. It is exhausting to do this, and to keep it up, but not as much as every other strategy I’ve tried.

Douglas Baker is a wealth manager and parent of two adult children. His son Scott is 22 and is affected by Autism.

We live in a world that is fast-paced, high-tech, image driven and unforgiving, fueled by sensationalized media and reality television shows portraying what is now considered by many to be “normal”. Add to all of this a special needs newborn, child or adult in a family, and reality becomes a sub-world driven by a lifetime of challenges that require incredible commitment, compassion and persistence, as well as a lifespan of specialized planning and services. To thrive instead of simply survive as a family affected by special needs, it is important to have a socially integrated lifestyle with acceptance and great support groups, both personally and professionally.

Who are the special needs families? Families of genetic and birth conditions, or affected by Autism spectrum disorders, mental health and related illnesses, intellectually challenged and learning delayed, and physical or brain impairment though injury or trauma - a global microcosm of cultures that transcend race, religion, gender and the socioeconomic status.

Wrong Planet columnist Robert Naseef, Ph.D. is a psychologist with 20 years of experience and is the parent of an individual on the autism spectrum.

"It seems like every time the phone rings I jump." Not a week goes without a parent of a child with autism or another neurodevelopmental condition echoing these words in my office. Is it a phone call from a child's school asking that the child be picked up early because of a meltdown? Could it be another injury on the playground or in the classroom? Or has my child had another seizure? Otherwise, is a teacher reporting that many assignments have not been completed? Is it another bullying incident? All possibilities to be sure, but maybe it's not bad news after all, just a friend calling to say hi.

Living on your own might be something that you dream of achieving someday, but at the same time, the thought can be scary. You might even think it is impossible that you will live on your own. First, you need an income, and then after that you need the survival skills and street smarts to take care of yourself without anyone there to support you.

This guide will help prepare you for that transition so that someday you can live independently. This guide is not meant to be comprehensive but rather to offer you a few suggestions to help you along the way.

Step 1: Create a support network—We need people to be there for us and to also be honest with us and tell us how we can improve ourselves. Preferably, this network will extend beyond family members and include at least one close friend that you trust. Ultimately, when you are living on your own, you might encounter many obstacles you never thought of, especially obstacles of a social nature, and you will want someone there to be supportive of you and to help you as you navigate a life of independence.

Editorial Warning: Wrong Planet is a family-friendly site. However, the following article discusses adult topics involving sexuality and includes strong language. Parental discretion is advised.

      queer – adj. – (kwir)
      1: a: worthless, counterfeit
      b: questionable, suspicious
      2: a: differing in some odd way from what is usual or normal
      b (1): eccentric, unconventional (2): mildly insane: touched
      c: absorbed or interested to an extreme or unreasonable degree: obsessed
      d (1) often disparaging: homosexual (2) sometimes offensive
      3: not quite well

I am queer. Forget, for a moment, Chick-fil-a or that lovable character from Modern Family; focus, instead, on the definition printed above. What does Mr. Webster have to say? How do you measure up? Queer behavior would appear to be startlingly common.

The following column by Jeffrey Deutsch is part of his "It Gets Better" series on Wrong Planet.

One thing that Aspies so often suffer from is bullying. People picking on them, insulting them, vandalizing or stealing their stuff, even spitting on and hitting them when they can't fight back.

I've been there, done that and gotten the T-shirt.

One of the worst things about being bullied is the fear. Fear that something could happen at any time. Being afraid that everyone will see how weak you are.

Having no control over anything. Being *helpless*. And that happens with a great deal of bullying.

Read Bullying - You Have More Power Than You Think

The following article is written by Cindy Ariel (PhD), author of Loving Someone with Asperger’s Syndrome.

I wrote Loving Someone with Asperger’s Syndrome for several compelling reasons. Over the years I’ve had the opportunity to work with many people with AS and their partners either as individuals or couples and I have seen the struggles from both sides.

As I looked around for guidance, in the form of books and/or research to help me to help them, I found a serious dearth of information focused on these couples. Much of the writing seems almost to take one side or the other as if we are talking about two different teams or sometimes even enemies rather than two people who love each other and are trying everything they can to connect, yet coming up short.

Read about Loving Someone with Asperger’s Syndrome

WARNNG: Wrong Planet is a family friendly site. However, the following article by columnist Scotty Holman touches on a very sensitive subject that may not be suitable for children or other people who are uncomfortable reading about abuse. Reader discretion is advised.

*"All is caprice. They love without measure those whom they will soon hate without reason." - Thomas Sydenham, seventeenth-century physician, describing patients he referred to as "hystericks."*

My mother was truly beautiful. I don't say that as a proud son eager to lavish her with published praise. She was beautiful - that is a fact. Breathtaking as she may have been, she was also irreparably damaged, the product of an age-old pattern; the lovely and pure are victimized by bitter parasites who suck away every obtainable drop of innocence, thirsty, perhaps, for their own long lost purity.

Read All the King's Horses

I've been there, done that and gotten the proverbial T-shirt. As an Aspie who grew up pre-ADA, never mind pre-Aspie acceptance, I was unemployed, underemployed and lonely for years.

In fact, I'd probably still be that way, if it wasn't for Emily - my first and only girlfriend ever (now she's Mrs. Deutsch). We met when I was 29 1/2, and a few years later, after Googling my more...interesting...traits, she figured I may be an Aspie.

She made me aware of my condition and how it was driving me to do and say things that pissed everyone else off and closed doors to me.

As a result, I came to see that I really could re-shape my own future - by re-shaping my behavior.Just like with gays, it can get better for us too - if we make it so!

Recently, an article appeared in the New York Times featuring my boyfriend, Jack, and me. It was about how autism affects romantic relationships, though really it was about how our autism affects our relationship. Every relationship is different, and every autistic is different.

One criticism of the article that really resonated with me was about my comment about how learning to dress differently opened me up to more romantic venues. I said, "A lot of it is how you dress. I found people don't flirt with me if I wear big man pants and a rainbow sweatshirt." Now, like many autistics, I have trouble communicating my thoughts and intentions when speaking aloud. I am far more eloquent in text, thankfully, but nevertheless, my speech difficulties lead me to say things like this. I want to clear up exactly what I meant, because out of context, this statement can be quite hurtful to many people. After my explanation, I want to address the larger picture behind the controversy: the autism world is currently extremely hetero-normative.

Read on. . .

Jerry Webster is our newest columnist. Jerry will be serving as WP's official Special Education expert. Here's his first article:

I remember well the first time I heard the title of Oliver’s Sack’s book, An Anthropologist on Mars (1995.) I had seen the movie Awakening and read a couple stories from The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat. I remember hearing that it was how a woman with autism described her experience in the neurotypical world. It was only later I discovered it was Dr. Temple Grandin.

It comes back frequently, as I am in my fifth year of teaching students on the Autism Spectrum, now in Las Vegas, Nevada. I find I spend a lot of time trying to understand how my middle school guys (all boys in my class) see and understand the world.

Our quirky autistic columnist, John Scott Holman, interviewed Henry and Kamila Markram, originators of the Intense World Theory. Read their compelling and refreshing insights in this Wrong Planet exclusive…

1. The Intense World Theory sheds light on the mystery of autism, and offers fascinating and refreshing insights. This theory may baffle those with a limited understanding of neuroscience. How would you explain Intense World Theory to the layman?

The Intense World Theory states that autism is the consequence of a supercharged brain that makes the world painfully intense and that the symptoms are largely because autistics are forced to develop strategies to actively avoid the intensity and pain. Autistics see, hear, feel, think, and remember too much, too deep, and process information too completely. The theory predicts that the autistic child is retreating into a controllable and predictable bubble to protect themselves from the intensity and pain. The theory originated from neuroscientific discoveries on an animal model of autism and was extended by accounting for previous research on autism in humans. It is a unifying theory because it takes into account and explains the many different results and interpretations from a spectrum of studies on autism.

Kirsten has this to say:

Bullying is a problem that affects nearly everyone, autistic or neurotypical, children or adults. At one point or another we’ve all faced a bully, or been a bully ourselves. Bullying and the damage it can cause is a popular topic of debate right now—we’re finally leaving behind the archaic “it builds character” mentality—but for those on the autism spectrum bullying can be even more difficult to combat.

What is bullying? Pure and simple, bullying is harassment. A bully is someone who regularly makes others around them feel badly. Bullying can be physical (assault), mental (verbal abuse), or indirect (spreading rumors).

Our columnist John Scott Holman has this to say:

"I'm going to be on Autism Talk TV," I declared absent mindedly, while flattening peas with my fork.

"Scotty, don't play with your food," my mother said, reaching across the table to swat my hand. I had told her all about Autism Talk TV that morning, though I doubt she was listening (my family has learned to ignore me when I discuss my special interests).

Newly diagnosed, I had quickly become obsessed with learning everything I could about autism. I stumbled across Wrong Planet, and devoured every article and Autism Talk TV episode on the homepage. Wow! After countless hours of researching Kanner, Asperger, refrigerator mothers, and vaccines, I happened upon a breath of fresh air - Alex, Jack, and Kirsten - the hip, fun and young faces of autism. These were my peers, they were autistic, and most importantly, they were cool!

Our new columnist, John Scott Holman, is a 25 year old Autistic. His column is entitled "The Adventures of an Optimistic Autistic." Here's his first article!

A peculiar collection of objects are scattered across a wide country field, as if they have somehow sprouted from the ground; an unfolded umbrella stands erect like an overgrown mushroom; elegant sofas gather around a busted television set; and an antique telephone sits atop a Corinthian column. Porcelain dolls and a headless mannequin are the only inhabitants of this dreamland junkyard.

My kid sister, Jeffi, stands overlooking this bizarre scene, awaiting my instructions. I fiddle with my parents' camcorder.