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Here's an excerpt from Pulitzer Prize winning NY Times reporter Amy Harmon's new ebook, "Asperger Love" that profiles Wrong Planet's "Autism Talk TV" co-hosts Jack Robison and Kirsten Lindsmith.
The first night he slept with her, entwined with her on his futon, Jack Robison regarded Kirsten Lindsmith with undisguised tenderness. She was the only girl to have ever asked questions about his obsessive interests—chemistry, libertarian politics, the small drone aircraft he was building in his kitchen—as though she actually cared to hear his answer.
To Jack, who was 19 and has a form of autism sometimes called Asperger syndrome, her mind was uncannily like his. She was also, he thought, beautiful. So far, they had only cuddled; Jack had hopes for something more. Yet when she smiled at him the next morning, her lips seeking his, he turned away. “I don’t really like kissing,” he said. Kirsten drew back. If he knew she was disappointed, he showed no sign.
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Why is it so hard for moms to take a break? What can fathers do to help?
First of all, struggling with taking a break from maternal responsibilities is normal. This is hard
for the mothers of typical children—who presumably have a little less to be preoccupied about
than mothers of children who have autism and other special needs.
So feeling overwhelmed by the enormous responsibilities of motherhood is normal, but when it
goes on indefinitely, it’s not healthy for a mother or her family. And fathers tend to begin feeling
left out and neglected. While I frequently write about fathers, I spend a good deal of my time as
a psychologist listening to mothers. Almost invariably mothers seem to be relieved when they
give voice to their struggles—particularly the guilt about not doing enough or missing something
they should have done or thought about.
Read Mothers Day Hints for Men
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I met Nanna Juul Lanng while speaking at the conference in Denmark. This is her first column:
Human beings are per definition flock animals. There is no real way around this fact. Our success as a species is partially based on our superior communication skills which allow us to share our knowledge and experiences in a much more efficient way than any other animal on Earth. We have no natural physical weapons; no claws, no fangs, no spikes. Even our most incredible athletes are, in comparison to most animals our size, quite slow and not particularly strong. We're so soft, fragile and vulnerable and to top all of this off we're also naturally naked. Our physical features are, all in all, not very impressive.
But by learning, adapting, sharing and creating we have spread throughout this planet, and we have created a lot of the world we see before us today. We are, as humans, hypersocial beings. We are genetically coded for social interaction. We depend on each other, we seek the approval of our fellow men, and we judge each other by our ability to master these social skills and rules.
Read on. . .
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I met Maja (and a lot of other cool aspies) while speaking in Århus, Denmark at the AspIT conference. This is her first column:
Hi, I’m Maja and I live in Copenhagen, Denmark and I’m a 25 year old woman diagnosed with Asperger’s. I’m a singer/songwriter and a student.
I always knew I was different and started learning social skills before I was even diagnosed. When I was 12, I realized that I wanted to be a part of the world and started to mimic and learn social skills from others. Most of my social skills, however, come from character based roleplaying.
Many other aspies say that I bend to the will of NT society, by acting as if I am an NT. I, of course, don't think so because I only act NT when the situation calls for it. But let's start at the beginning. . . .
Read on. . .
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Hi Wrong Planet Readers,
I’m Theo Pauline Nestor, author of How to Sleep Alone in a King-Size Bed and writer of numerous articles on the topic of relationships. This is my first post on this site, and I’m excited to be a part of this community and to receive your questions about relationships, which I will do my best to answer.
Today I want to talk about what I believe is one of the keys to getting a new relationship off the ground: compatible rates of self-disclosure. Whether we’re aware of it or not, our rate of self-disclosure—the speed at which we tell people important information about ourselves—has a huge impact on the course of a relationship.
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Dear Aspie:Do people with Asperger's who don't have schizophrenia hear things that aren't there? Like thoughts in your head that never go away? What is it called and what can you tell me about it?
-Tempy
Read on for BeenThereDoneThat's response!
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Dear Aspie:"I'm a 20 year old guy with Asperger's who'd really like to have some kind of romantic relationship, but I'm finding a lot of barriers in my path and I wonder if you could shed some light on my situation. I'm utterly at a loss to understand how to flirt... The suggestions I've been given set off alarm bells in my head of intrusive behavior and being otherwise imposing or even creepy, despite being told point blank that it's what I need to do.
I hardly need to tell you that sending "signals" of any kind is often difficult for people with Asperger's, and I'm no exception. Do you have any advice on how to learn to flirt, so I can stop (apparently) blindsiding women and start approaching them the way they expect to be approached?" -Zaq
Read on for BeenThereDoneThat's response!
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Dear Aspie:
“I am in my 20s and I have problems with friendships and relationships. I've been told by exs that I'm not capable of having a relationship and I think they're right. I don't know if I can love - I don't love anyone I know and I tend to care about my cuddly toys and computer equipment more than people. I try to be a good person, and do the things you're supposed to do in NT-land, and be nice and friendly to people, but it's just not enough, it seems. Can people like me realistically have friendships and relationships?”
--AlienGirl
Read on for GroovyDruid's response!
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Dear Aspie:
'A coworker's husband passed away last week from cancer; today was her first day back. I've only worked here for a short time so I don't know her that well, but I want to offer my condolences. I don't want to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. But if I say nothing, she might think I'm cold-hearted and don't care. What advice can you offer?'
--SunDevil
Read on for GroovyDruid's response!
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Dear Aspie:
?I have a really big problem with commanding attention in a conversation. When I start talking, people talk over me, or they'll interrupt me to say something they want to say. What can I do??
--Aaron_Mason
Read on for GroovyDruid's response!
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Dear Aspie:
?I?ve read your articles on small talk, but I can?t seem to make it keep going. It always seems to die out after a little while, even though I want to make it work. What am I doing wrong!??
--anonymous
Read on for GroovyDruid's response!
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Dear Aspie:
?Are NTs [Neurologically Typical poeple] more likely to accept an aspie if he or she is "fit": i.e., good looking, good dress sense, six-pack, big breasts, etc??
--patrickRD
Read on for GroovyDruid's response!
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Dear Aspie:
?How do you cope with unknown people talking to you? I find all this very stressful. How do you know how to respond??
--androidbeing
Read on for GroovyDruid's response!
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Dear Aspie:
“What is the best way to handle people touching you? For example, a handshake, high-five or shoulder pat, or when you accidentally touch arms on the couch? Also, how does one initiate these things?”
--hybrid
Read on for GroovyDruid's response!
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Dear Aspie:
"How do you work around the inevitable awkward silences that happen to all aspies? When flirting or otherwise?"
--AbominableSnoCone
More often than not, awkward silences are the result of awkward questions. Aspies often have a hard time understanding this, but it is true.
Read on for GroovyDruid's entire response!
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