I guess I should apologize for disappearing.
Don't worry. As you may have guessed by now, I am still kickin'.

The thing is that I have been contemplating on how to enlighten those who come here, but I don't think I'd be good at that. I mean I could show you a load of evidence about what I am saying, but it is hard for me. The way I see the world for me is evident. I can't explain things that are obvious to me.
I'll try though. But be warned, I don't really plan on interrupting myself by presenting things that support my claims. You either accept them(and/or go after them to find it out for yourself) or don't.

What most people find hard to accept is the possibility that a given 'conspiracy' can be true.

There are many reasons why one would refuse to believe these things. Most of 'em are bollocks.

Most people I have heard defended their viewpoint with the tube. Now you know how much I despise everyone who still watches it. They say things like 'this wasn't on the tube, so it's impossible'

But go back a bit. Let us contemplate the ultimate conspiracy. The ground zero of paranoia.

The ultimate conspiracy(to which all other conspiracies connect) is that there, behind the curtain, are the elite. A small group of people who possess just about everything. Big corporations of entertainment, technology and pharmaceuticals. And the governments of most countries. Any with these, most of the money.

Why is that implausible at all anyway? Like people have no tendencies towards doing things behind the backs of other people in hopes of gaining more, and different forms of power.

What we know, is that most of food companies are owned by even bigger ones, like unilever, and others I can't think of right now. Technological corporations are also very centralized. The heads of governments are being reported of going to meetings behind closed doors.

Actually it is more implausible that the powerful people don't work together than the possibility that they do.

So let us assume that there is an elite(assume, because I can't force you to realize it.) and they do work together.

What can they do? What can they think of doing in hopes of gaining more power?

How can you gain even more power after assuming control over basically everything that holds value? Well, taking away the remaining power of the people isn't that bad for a start, but enslaving them is way more productive.

Now, an educated population with critical thinking wouldn't let a few jackwangs take away the remaining stuff they have, aye? They need dumb people. Stupid worthless fucks.

How can you dumb down people? First, you have to fuck up education. There's two ways for that. One, is to make it too damn easy so people won't learn a thing. They remain stupid.
The second, a wee bit harder, is to make school a living hell, so that the students will associate the learning process with negative emotions. They will effectively deny learning.

This ain't enough. You will have to raise working hours to take away the energy and the time of people, so they will not read, or communicate.

Then, you need something that needs minimal brainwork and can take away all the remaining time of their day. And if that something is also a tool for manipulating millions at once, you will have a great thing. It is called television by the way.

Now, you have a bunch of brainless idiots who don't have the time or the energy to do anything with their lives, and you gave them something to rot their brains with. There you have an uninformed crowd, entirely devoid of critical thinking.

Is it anything different we have now? You think? Look through the window.

Let me further explain the manipulation part. I am good at that. This is why I hate the tube. I naturally understand the manipulation that stems from it.

If you manage to seize power over channels, you can do a lot of things. Look it up.

The most important of them all, however, is panic mongering. You have to constantly bombard the viewers with 'news' of different emotional charge.

Like: '8 dead in car accident-panda gave life in captivity-bombings in the middle east aren't ceasing-puppy adoptions on the rise-asteroid to hit earth in 2038'

People who watch news, are different from those who don't in a way of them having no feelings at all. it is desensitization, if I am right.
At some point, you can make people not respond to anything. This is why those who try to enlighten will fail on the grand scale. Most of the people are really zombies.

If you don't believe me, look around. Try to raise emotions in people. Unless you kick them in the nads, they will just stare blankly into the distance.

Sometimes I really wish I was a beast of burden like them.

'Get a degree, get a job, get a this, get a that...'

You know, I don't want to play that game anymore. I know where it leads, I see where it leads...in people who are completely oblivious to the facts. I know the facts, I see the world for what it is. I'd either bend my head after a decade long struggle, or I'd go completely nuts in a few months.

You know, I'd rather go see myself the underside of hell, than spend half my day in a place I don't want to be, for quarter the reward I am worth.

I just won't go mopping floors for half the money you can live from. That is just stupid.

Perhaps the emotionless zombies who toss their lives in front of the Tube God would do this. I am a free thinker. A rebel. When stuff don't suit me, I don't go bending my head, I raise a fiery torch of disagreement. If I could endure in silence, I would be serving the system with my blood and sweat of my brow. I am way more intelligent than that.

Unlucky for me, intelligence is a value not very sought, in these parts.

Ironic, that the only entity I know of, which would admire my mind, is the very one which I am fighting against.

This is one of the more unsettling of my thoughts. If I'd be asked to join. I honestly don't know.
I've been doing this thing for a long time, but the people seem to be happy in ignorance. They wish this state.
There are some points when I seem to think that my place is with the butterflies, not just because there's absolutely no chance of salvation in these parts, but because they have goals, reasons, things to fight for, and I am just a wolf among jackals. One who isn't really where he should be. I could do much more in a suitable environment. But instead of being in a place where my capabilities can be utilized, I am somewhere in the middle of nowhere where intelligent people are being looked upon as some sort of freaks and are being sent to shrinks to cure their 'thoughts'.

Fuck me, I am better than this.

I don't like the elite. In fact, I despise every form of what they are doing right now. But this way, my talents are wasted. Diamonds in shit, right? Everything I could do instead of this would be better(except for rotting away in the labyrinths of education. that just did not work at all. who knew asking questions was a bad idea in a place where you are supposed to be gathering knowledge?)

Anyway. Despite my seeming desperation, and powerlessness, I feel quite right. I even could be called happy.

Funny thing about me. This. My feelings are completely parallel. At the same time, I can very happy, and quite sad, or angry. Like I have two different parts of emotions.

People(people like the only person I am talking to on a regular basis) often say: Why are you so angry/sad/fearful at all times? Which is bollocks, because at the same time I feel like bashing then thousand skulls, I feel love for this one person. I am just a dual kind of a man, and most of the times, expressing anger and fear, are easier than expressing joy. And some times, feeling great also makes me feel negative things. After a long time of being dual, you can't really be just happy or unhappy. The two raise each other with themselves.

Hard to explain this. Most of the time, my emotions are a great cauldron of twisting and spinning emulsion of good and bad. The other times, are mostly, the ones where I am neutral.

And there are the ones when I am with her, and I can only laugh even at the worst things.
There are many shitty aspects of being me, but with her, I wish for nothing else. And that's love, maaan!

Anyway. It was a long post, and I must go now, to spin my sense of stability with a dose of nicotine and carbon dioxide. Then I'll try to sleep. But first, the nicotine part.