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I am coming out of the closet... 09-18-2007 02:41 am cerasela's Blog
I am 37 years old and I decided that it is time to come out of the closet with being autistic (at least to the autistic community). I wish that "normal" people would not consider us as having a brain disorder, but there is nothing I can do about it, but to live a honorable life and deal as good as I can with my "disease".
My father is a Math Professor and my mother was a Math teacher. Both of them are/were autistic. My mother had it so severe that she could never cope and she died very young, at 52 years old. I have a daughter that I am convinced has autism(Asperger), also, but her school district consideres it too inconvenient to give her the extra help she could sure use. So I will leave it as it is and just do my best to help her navigate this difficult (sometimes) road. Because of my awareness (learned from my own experience and by studying), I am convinced that her life will be better than mine and my mom's, that really did not have any help with her autism.
I am a nurse and I read a lot about autism and everything else. It made me sad when I saw how certain traits of autism are included in psychiatric disorders. I was always ashamed to say that I experience Synaesthesia...but I do. I can think about people I know and I can see their "mood" in colors. I can also see most people's "auras", not as a visual image, I can't really explain it in words how I "see" it, but I can name the colors. Very few people have bright white light at all times, most have a combination of primary colors, that are changing constantly. I don't know exactly how can I use this thing, but I can't deny it and I know it is not a delusion.
I was a new mother and me and my daughter were clasified as having a strange attachement (too strong)
to each other. I just wish that people would have more compassion and curiosity and study more and accomodate "weirdos" like us. I am very fortunate that I get along very well with my daughter, because she probably understands where I am coming from. When she was very little, she drew a picture of our family and it is obvious that what she drew around our heads were auras, not hair. :) I love that picture!
I noticed that I am always attracted to men that are just like me, but I could not sustain a healthy relationship yet. I always bail out before I get attached to anyone. The only person I am attached to is my beautiful daughter. I thank God every day that I could "have" her, given the circumstances of my life. But I do have high hopes that I will find a partner, also. Someone to grow old with. :)
It is said that people with autism are very good in jobs that require understanding abstract concepts(like computer jobs, Math etc.), but I do feel like I am very good in connecting with my patients. Nursing is my profession and I never had an unhappy patient(yet). I love people and the people that I can connect best with are sick people/patients. It is also said that autistic people do not have empathy, but I am a proof that it is not true. I do not like non-sense, but it does not mean that I do not have understanding for all people.
I am here, at WrongPlanet to get a better understanding of what others diagnosed with Asperger S. are dealing with and how they cope with life in general.
Please feel free to ask me questions and allow me to ask YOU questions.
Update: November 14, 2008
I am 38 years old now and I am still an aspie...nothing new, except, I decided to put my smarts at work and go back to school. I can't wait. It is the right time to finish what I have started many years ago. I raised a child, I survived, I had a few laughs along the way and many tears...blah, blah. Life is good!