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Alone-in-the-Crowd's Blog
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Entering a New Stage of Life
posted at 11:50 pm on 02-21-2009
Changes beyond my control have always been frightening for me. For example changing from child to teen, teen to young adult, young adult to where I am now...middle age. Bodily changes and changes in facial features is frightening, but what is even more challenging to me is loosing family members to death. I have recurring dreams that I am the only one left from my family and being Asperger, I have no close connections to peers to share my life with. What triggered this was the passing of my mother on Christmas Eve 2005. Now my phone doesn't ring. There is no familiar voice calling to see how my day went. She was the one who helped me when I didn't understand what a co-worker meant by a comment or I could tell her what was causing me extreme anxiety without telling me how ridiculous my feelings were. My 92 year old Grandmother is 600 miles away in a nursing home and doesn't remember who I am. My father lives far from me and doesn't really know my mind because he and my mom divorced when I was 10. My husband is pretty much NT. I feel I drag him down and he'd be happier not married to me.
I don't like being 46 years old. I feel I've run out of time to improve myself for better employability...even if I were to get more education, would I be able to apply it to a position which requires more social contacts? All I see is that I am aging and the people who have helped me in life are dead!
NTs that I know seem better able to take this time of life in stride. No one shares my fears it seems. Maybe some of you Aspies do?
If so I'd like to know.
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