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posted at 12:03 pm on 09-15-2008
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Disillusionment Setting In Here...
posted at 12:03 pm on 09-15-2008
Okay, probably not the best post to put for my first blog, but it's that or put it on the forums, and I really don't feel like dealing with internet llama-drama on 3 hours of sleep.
There's two things here that I'm really annoyed about.
The first is the willingness to exclude and castigate other people who have difficulties in life, be they in terms of fitting in or just generally. This manifests itself too often as a "blame the victim" mentality, and is directed at surprising targets, including other Aspies.
There are some people who don't seem to realize that other outcasted or unfortunate groups are in the same boat they are, and they willingly join in with the bullies of the world in assuming that such people are worth less respect than everyone else. I have seen this directed at fat people, ugly people, asexuals, victims of domestic violence and other targets that are "acceptable" only in that political correctness doesn't cover them.
Have people forgotten the experiences of exclusion, alienation and even cruelty that led them to think that they were on the "Wrong Planet?" Do they lack the ability to see that the experiences of the aforementioned people closely if not exactly match their own? If they were to be told that what makes them different or disadvantaged was all in their own head, or all their fault, would most of these people take it well?
This mentality amongst the community here is not only infuriatingly hypocritical - it's also tactically stupid. Would it not be more powerful to make links with other marginalized communities, so that that section of the world that considers itself "normal" and excludes others would hear a unified voice telling that it's not okay to arbitrarily abuse or ostracize people on ANY grounds that don't have to do with their actual worth as a person and the contributions they can make? If we want tolerance from the world at large, we should first learn to tolerate other people who are in a similar boat as us, understand that their struggle is ours, and then work towards the acceptance of all.
Then there's the special brand of the self-hating Aspie. "Les Collaborateurs," as I'll choose to call these sorts, are willing to back up the unfortunately widespread belief amongst the less tolerant NTs that we are to blame for our own mistreatment and isolation.
Yes, there is unfortunately a tendency to make blanket generalizations about "the other" that are no more true, no less offensive, than their assumptions about us and what we're like. But does that make criticisms about an isolated event or person, or even some statements about a trend one has noticed in a world that rejects us more often than not, untrue or unfair? Not necessarily. Trying to get to the truth of a situation is one thing. Invalidating another person's perceptions and emotions based on them completely is another, a completely non-productive and useless one that is antithetical to the goal of this site, to provide a support system for those who might not otherwise have one.
If you have bought into the inferiority that some of the less supportive NTs out there have tried to foist on you by right of being different, I feel bad for you, but you're entitled to feel that way. However, trying to make others believe that they, too, deserve to feel sad, afraid, alone and worthless because their wiring doesn't match up to the majority of the world's is wrong, undermining the self-esteem that, from what I've seen here, seems so hard for us to come by.
Self-esteem is not arrogance, the belief that one doesn't deserve abuse is not acting like a spoiled child. Expecting for oneself the same level of decency and tolerance that other people expect of you is nothing if not fair and rational.
The other issue I'm having a problem with here is the sexism. The most rampant I've seen it is in the Love and Dating forum, though it's seeped into other places as well. I am generally skeptical about claims of sexism. However, here the levels it gets to are truly astonishing.
I'm not just talking about a few particular trolls, though a couple do admittedly come to mind here. I'm talking about the double standards ("I want girls to accept me as I am, not based on appearances, but don't expect me to like a girl who isn't attractive!"), to stereotypes ("Girls are illogical, universally dependent and just out for your money and status"), to general dismissals (refusing to answer people's posts, instead deferring to such gems as "sometimes I hate women" and pretending they are sufficient arguments).
Those people who insult or praise harsh treatment of women because they can't get a date - it doesn't make you seem more assertive or macho or whatever you're trying to be. It makes you seem like a sore loser looking for a scapegoat. If I were actually looking for a boyfriend of the sexual variety - hell, of any variety - that, more than being a "nice guy" or being "unattractive" or any of the reasons you think you've failed in the past, will push me away quicker than anything. Chauvinism is one of the least attractive qualities I can think of in a person.
I recognize that the male-female ratio here is pretty overwhelming, but, again, just as (most of) you would expect that NTs don't ignore or insult you because you're a minority, I'd think you should be respectful to the female users on here as equally worthy members of the community.
It's really sad that I even have to say this stuff, people. I've met some awesome people on here, and seen some really intelligent arguments made by others, but these aforementioned qualities are starting to overshadow them in my mind. I'd probably even rant more, but I should go. Hopefully my next post will be more upbeat.
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