Called the doctor's assistant this morning to inform her that I wanted to get off risperdal. I'm not sure if I was clear about this yesterday, since I had difficulty processing what was being said during the doctor's visit and, as I processed what had been said, Marion and the doctor proceeded to discuss the nosebleeds. The assistant said she'd speak with the doctor, and call me back late in the afternoon. As she called back, she said that to come off risperdal, I'd need to go back to 0.5mg once daily first, and continue on this dosage for a week to see how it goes. She advised me to call back next week to discuss how things had been going. So this means I'll skip my evening dosage tonight. Will keep a diary of any possible withdrawal effects.

Man, I wish I'd never allowed my old shrink to prescribe me risperdal. I've been taking it for two months now, of which it's been effective for only the first two or three weeks, yet my current GP (don't have a shrink cause everyone thought this'd be over quite soon) doesn't want me to lower my dosage, because once I noticed negatively that lowering my dosage would worsen my irritability. Well, I only tried the lowered dosage for five days, so how can I be sure? Now she tells met to continue taking the med till at least early November, because, as she says it, there is too much going on now and the meds will only aid slightly. Well, isn't that an indication that I shouldn't be taking this med? I'm so pissed off. I know the potential dangers of neuroleptics. I know this isn't cnady. And when it doesn't work, why continue? I wish I'd not been so stupid to let a doctor prescribe me an anti-psychotic. Wish I'd listened to my fellow autistics, who tell me to seek another doctor immediately once one prescribes a neuroleptic. Now it's too late and I'm stuck with risperdal for at least another six weeks - and more, since you can't stop risperdal at once.

Further saw the doctor for nosebleeds - yes, again, cause I've been seeing my old GP twice for them. My doctor prescribed me a nose ointmnet. I've had one before, but this one is different. She does seem to think the blood vessels in my nose are very thin - while my old GP thought it was an infection of the nasal mucus. Well, we'll see if this works.

Today, I cooked Siamese chicken curry. I rarely cook, because cooking is not my most well-developed skill and I can't deal with something unexpected happening when there's no-one around or that I can reach. I used to cook completely independently when still living in the independent living training home, but there was always someone available in the house next door. I am not (yet) comfortable cooking with no-one around should something unexpected happen. So today Adrie, one of my support workers, came around and she had time to hang around while I cooked. Well, she cleaned my house in the meantime - another skill that suffers in my current living situation, but this mostly because I haven't yet figured out how to clean this house, and everything seems to be different because my house's lay-out differs from the one I used to live in. There are some things that I can still do cleaning-wise, but not many. Consequently, Adrie does some cleaning for me, while I'm waiting to get a professional housekeeper - or really, waiting for the funding to get one.

Hi and welcome to my journal on WP. I have a blog over here but somehow couldn't get the WP blog thing to display that one. Besides, this is a good way to have a more "chatty" journal. Consequnetly, this blog will basically chronicle my day-to-day life as it happens.

For those who don't know me yet, I'm Astrid, aged 21 and live in the Netherlands. I am blind from birth due to a condition called Retinopathy of Prematurity. This means that I was born prematurely and got detached retinas due to a condition common in those born early. In addition - the reason I'm here -, I was labeled autistic spectrum disorder (not specifically Asperger's, and I don't believe a specific diangosis matters) in March of 2007. My doctor threw away my psych records after I started treatment, but I moved to another city, so the diagnosing process will be done all over again in my new city. This sucks, since I'm waiting to get treatment in dealing with serious meltdowns and some other autistic issues, and I can't get treatment till I'm re-diagnosed.

I used to live in an independent living training home for the disabled, but moved out of there August 1, 2007 and now live on my own, but with support from an agency for the disabled. I might eventually move back into supported living, but this is not at all certain yet - all places, unfortunately, are hesitant cause of my meltdowns - and there are long waiting lists. You might be surprised that I would choose supported living over living in my own apartment, but I believe that in such an environment, I can accomplish more independence than here. (I used to have far better skills in the independnet living training home than I have now.) At least for the time being, I'll have to deal with living in my current situation. In this journal, I'll likely frequently share my journey of how I deal with it.

I go to university. I'm a freshman majoring in linguistics. I take only two classes instead of five, because, after only a week, taking five classes had worn me out and I'd had serious meltdowns while in school. This is still not at all easy, however, and I'll see if it works out.

Then for the autism advocacy issues: I'm a believer in neurodiversity, don't believe in mercury poisoning theories, and don't believe it matters to divide autistics into arbitrary categories such as high-functioning/low-functioning and aspie/autistic. I do however believe treatment and services are a need for many, but only to help us cope with our disabilities in a mostly NT society, not to normalize us.