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Considerations, and other things...
posted at 05:38 am on 01-05-2008
As I continue on with life, I realise that sometimes I have to make sacrifices. I am seriously considering not going to one of my favourite events, the Brisbane Lifeline Bookfest, as I do not have as much in the way of funds as I would like. Considering how strict my budget is, I may have to give it a miss this time of the year, and wait until later this year.
I also realise that I may have to spend less time on WP, as I have a thesis to start writing, not to mention a novel. And it is possible that I may have a new job, though my application won't be considered until the end of January.
I also find that despite my best efforts, I still get bouts of ennui, a dissatisfaction with my life.
What's a 24-year old guy to do?
posted at 06:43 am on 07-31-2007
You see, I believe in freedom Mr Lipwig. Not man people do, although they will of course protest otherwise. And no practical definition of freedom would be complete without the freedom to take the consequences. Indeed, it is the freedom upon which all the others are based.
-Lord Vetinari, Going Postal by Terry Pratchett
The last few weeks have impressed upon me more and more about responsibility. For example, my thesis preparations have gone to the next level. I have to write a research proposal, an onerous task. But, if I do extremely well, good things may come. Like perhaps a PhD scholarship.
And then recent events on Wrong Planet have also forced upon me more about the nature of responsibility, how we need to think about the consequences of our actions.
The reason why I put that quote up by Terry Pratchett for Going Postal is because people are thinking about their rights first, and the rights of others (not to mention their own responsibilities) second. Not just on this BBS, but all around the world.
As Jamie Hyneman offers this sage advice: Think, THEN act. Don't act, then think. This doesn't just go fo mythbusting, but for all things in life as well.
The Sound of Drums....
posted at 07:36 am on 07-17-2007
Stimming, I am lead to believe, is an almost compulsive, repetitive behaviour pattern peculiar to aspies. The repetition of a phrase, the 'rocking' or 'hand-flapping'. I have had stims (if they were stims) relating to phrases from Doctor Who and Monty Python.
Now, it is the sound of drums....
In case you are either not a Doctor Who fan, or you live outside the UK (in this case, there is a spoiler), let me explain. In this recent series, the Doctor's ultimate nemesis the Master returns, first played by Sir Derek Jacobi, then by John Simm. He reveals that ever since his childhood, he has heard the sound of drums in his head, particularly this rhythm....
Dun-dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun-dun...
Can't get it out of my head, find myself tapping it....
Here come the drums....
posted at 08:05 pm on 03-19-2007
Compared to my last two posts, this post sees me in happier times. While I am still necrophobic, it's not as bad, mostly because I've found stuff to do, like a part-time Masters, and [i]Final Fantasy XII[/i]. Currently, I'm about to get my first Esper.
I also, if you may not have noticed, have been made a mod. I am trying to shape up so I can actually be a good role model, but with the fustrations here, well.... I am tempted to be like [GM] Dave, the ornery fictional Game Master on [i]Final Fantasy XI[/i] whose exploits are funny, even thought many could be considered dubious. Not outright illegal, as he actually points out, but...well, he's fictional.
Thanatos, or why suicide is imbecilic.
posted at 03:00 am on 09-12-2006
One of the more deranged utterances in the post that I nearly dipped into insanity with (the "Gun Control Post" in the Politics Forum), people were wondering why I shrieked (the internet equivalent of) Thanatos?
Unless you know something of psychology (ie, Sigmund "Mummy issues and phallus envy" Freud), or Greek mythology, or looked it up on Wikipedia (cheating ba$!%^s), you may not know what Thanatos meant. You might be thinking I was referring to the Tyrant from Resident Evil: Outbreak? Or one of a piece of music that has Thanatos in it?
Thanatos is basically what Freud called the "urge to die" that all biological organisms have.
In my lower moments I obsess with Thanatos.
However, I would never commit suicide. Why? Because of my agnosticism, I am unsure (and to be quite frank, highly doubtful) of any existence beyond death. And call me selfish, but that doesn't seem fair. I have contemplated suicide once in earlier years, but I have never seriously contemplated it during my down moments, even when off antidepressants.
Which is why I think suicide because of obstacles in life that [i]seem[/i] insurmountable, but really aren't, is idiotic.
If anyone here (Particularly TheMachine1) remembers ladakh, who not so long ago threatened to commit hara kiri (although the Japs find this a vulgar term, they prefer "seppuku") because of near bankruptcy, amongst other reasons, I was one of those who protested strongly against this. Hopefully (although nothing has been heard about him in ages, to my knowledge) he has coped with these things and moved on.
This does not mean I, for example, deny that euthanasia has a role to play in palliative medicine. I understand why they'd want such a thing [i]in such a state[/i]. I myself last year saw my aunt (my mother's sister) die rather slowly from lung cancer that had metastasised into her bones and spine. Well, she actually only suffered [i]per se[/i] for a few months, as she had no idea she had cancer until she broke a leg crossing the street (from bone cancer mind). But it wasn't good for my mother, or my grandmother, the latter going down to care for my aunt almost every day, until she died.
However, my personal opinion is that suicide outside such a context (and even then should only be used as a last resort as euthanasia) is idiotic. I feel I can endure temporal pain, to avoid a eternity of oblivion.
Alea jacta est.
posted at 05:13 am on 09-11-2006
Just to let you know who I am, I am Quatermass. I live on the Gold Coast in Queensland, Australia, not Chicago, Illinois (hahahahahahaha).
I recently (as in about two months ago from this post) graduated from Griffith University with a Bachelor of Health Science, and have found that a degree does not guarantee a job (someone should sue for false advertising).
I am interested in science (particularly forensics, after microbiology, and astonomy/astrophysics), Doctor Who (which was the main obsession of my life for nearly a decade, until I lost interest. But with the new series out, the old flame is back, albeit in a more moderate form), British Comedy (The League of Gentlemen, Red Dwarf, Monty Python, Blackadder), video games (Final Fantasy, Silent Hill, Resident Evil, Parasite Eve 2, Metal Gear Solid, etc) and reading (I'm currently reading "House of Leaves").
After coming off my antidepressants (citalopram) from over 5 years straight usage, and getting a pet cat, I am getting quite stressed, as anyone reading my increasingly deranged (or at least Don-Quixote-like) posts in the "Gun Control" Thread in the Politics Forum.
I reached an epiphany (or at least the opposite, as an epiphany implies that I was at the height of something, not the depths), and decided to make this blog.
It will contain the semi-deranged ramblings and views of me, and will be updated at regular intervals (sorry, I meant to say when I feel like it.)