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"Jewish Themes in Star Trek" book by an Aspie
posted at 02:51 pm on 03-22-2009
I mentioned this book in a previous blog post but some people want the direct links to where to get it, so here it is all in one place. I'm not really known so much as an Aspie to the public as a rabbi-writer, but I don't mind being out about it, either. Anyway, here's the book info:
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"Jewish Themes in Star Trek" by Rabbi Yonassan Gershom. Boldly go where no rabbi has gone before!
A well-researched and reader-friendly journey into Jewish themes, actors, writers, in-jokes and subtexts in the Star Trek Universe. Inspired by a class I taught at the Minneapolis Talmud Torah, the book explores such things as:
The Jewish origin of the Vulcan salute
How Vulcan culture is based on rabbinical Judaism
Who is a Jew" among Trek characters in episodes, movies and the novels
How Talmudic logic helped expand the Star Trek universe
Why Ferengi values are NOT Jewish values -- and much more!
Rumors of this book have been around for over five years -- that's how long my agent and I spent being told by commercial publishers that there is no market. What??? With millions of Jews and millions of Trekkers (and a lot of people who are both!) they've got to be kidding! Of course, publishers are notorious for turning down good books. "The Wizard of Oz" was rejected with "We don't need any new fairy tales..."
So, I self-published it. You can now read excerpts and order your copy directly from lulu.com and have it WAY before it shows up on Amazon and other bookstores 6-8 weeks from now. Here are the links:
hardcover edition: http://www.lulu.com/content/5864927
Trade paperback edition: http://www.lulu.com/content/5916987
Both of these pages also have the option to buy a download (much faster & cheaper, same PDF file as used to print the books). The Lulu site does downloads by opening Adobe Reader on your computer to read the PDF file online but YES, you can save a copy to your hard drive --just click "File" and then "Save." (Rename it as something you will remember instead of the code number lulu uses.)
If you want a signed bookplate to go with your book (or just to collect), you can buy one for $3 also in my eBay store at http://www.rooster613.com. Look under "Rabbi Gershom" when you get there.
And don't forget to download your FREE wallpaper graphic of the Enterprise flying through Nebula NGC1818 -- the "lucky" nebula on the book cover. (The number 18 means "life" in Jewish numerology, and 1818 would be double life -- a positive sign for my book!) Use this link on box.net: http://www.box.net/shared/fqldaso6vt
Last but not least, please tell all your friends and Trek groups about this book. Lulu Press is having a sales contest this month for the author who sells the most books through their site -- wouldn't it be cool if this book won? We would definitely prove to the commerical publishers that THEY WERE WRONG -- there IS INDEED a market for "Jewish Themes in Star Trek"!
Thank you for your interest --
Live long and prosper!
Rabbi Gershom, author of "Jewish Themes in Star Trek"
webmaster at TrekJews.com
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Out of the closet: Who I really am....
posted at 12:35 pm on 03-12-2009
I've been posting here for a while now, and the time has come to reveal my real name: I am Rabbi Yonassan Gershom, author of Beyond the Ashes, From Ashes to Healing, Jewish Tales of Reincarnation and, most recently, Jewish Themes in Star Trek (more on that at trekjews.com.)
What prompts this outing of myself are two things:
1) the insulting PETA milk campaign (see WrongPlanet homepage for info). I am an animal activist, I even recently appeared in a Jewish Vegetarian documentary called A Sacred Duty: Applying Jewish Values to Help Heal the World (more info and link to view it free at asacredduty.com) and I figured my protests against the billboard would carry more weigh if people knew who I was. (Search my name -- be sure to spell it right -- and you will find me all over the net in ref to my books.)
2) I'm coming out anyway in Jewish Themes in Star Trek with these two paragraphs on pages 94-95, discussing the android, Commander Data:
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I do, however, relate to Data for reasons that have nothing to do with Judaism. I happen to be on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum (Asperger’s Syndrome), and I see many of my own behaviors mirrored in Data. Like Data, I do not intuit the subtleties of Human behavior very well. I am forever misreading facial expressions and missing obvious social cues. I also tend to take things too literally. In one scene, Data is learning to play poker and, when told to throw some cards away, literally flips them over his shoulder. I’ve done equally silly things because of literalism. "In this area, Data has helped me to accept the fact that my brain processes information differently from those around me. Like Data, I am not spontaneous and, because I do not intuit social situations well, I often make decisions by running little “programs” in my head.
In my youth, I agonized over my inability to be part of the crowd but, as I matured, I learned to accept my difference. As I am now fond of saying, “Nobody expects Stephen Hawking to dance, so don’t expect me to be the life of the party.” I focus, instead, on the things that I can do – and I do them well, without worrying about my inability to “fit in” socially. However, this is not the same as Data’s quest to become more Human. I am already Human, just different.
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Not particularly profound and its the only mention of my autism in the book, since it's about JEWISH Themes in Star Trek, not autistic themes. But I thought people here might like to know that's in there.
Regarding diagnosis, I'm self-diagnosed at this point since I currently have no medical coverage and I see no point, at age 61, of spending hundreds of dollars to find out what I already know. I was offically diagnosed with ADHD back before Asperger's was an official "disability" (although I regard it as an asset to my writing and research, because when I obsess on a topic I do a really good job, and can stick with a project for years if necessary. Both good skills for a nonfiction writer.) But, as I've written in previous blog posts, I score very high on the Aspie self-tests and I've got the symptoms, so who cares if a doctor gives me the stamp of approval or not? I know who I am.
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The insulting PETA "Got Autism?" billboard
posted at 06:53 pm on 01-22-2009
If you have not seen this insulting campaign, go to the Wrong Planet homepage and you will find an example (as well as a link to sign a protest petition.) Here is how PETA describes autism on their site at http://www.peta.org/feat_autism.asp:
"Autism is a brain disorder that causes sufferers to have extreme difficulty communicating and relating to others. It is often marked by anti-social behavior like screaming and obsessive repetition of actions, which takes an enormous emotional toll on sufferers and their families. PETA has created a billboard to alert the public to the connection between this devastating disease and dairy-product consumption."
Now, I happen to be a vegetarian and an animal activist -- and I've also "got autism." And I am EXTREMELY INSULTED by this PETA campaign. I am not a "sufferer" and autism is not necessarily a "devastating disease" as PETA defines it on their site -- in fact, it is not a "disease" at all, since it is probably something I was born with.
And I doubt cow's milk caused it, since I was breastfed -- unless you want to say my mother's milk was tainted. More likely it was inherited from genetics in my family, since other members in previous generations had similar symptoms only they were never properly diagnosed because Aspberger's was not a known syndrome then.
Now, it may well be that SOME autistic children do better without milk but that could be due to a lot of other factors, too, such as lactose intolerance, which is a separate thing from autism. There is no proof that autism is CAUSED by drinking milk -- if it was, then how come most American children are not autistic??? And how come there are autistic children even in Hasidic Jewish families who drink very little milk? (Culturally, milk is not a big part of the Hasidic diet.) I myself have gone without milk for long perods of time and I see NO DIFFERENCE in how my brain functions.
Also note how PETA makes a point that autism causes "extreme difficulty" in relating to others. OK, maybe so with some of us -- but then, must we all be feel-good kumbayah New Age clones? What is wrong with being a loner? Or being different? NOTHING!
As I have written elsewhere, some of our greatest scientists, writers, and artists have been loners or otherwise oddballs. Autism may present some challenges but it also has POSITIVE aspects that the PETA-niks seem oblivious to. Or choose to ignore. Their own hero, Temple Grandin, who is a pioneer in the area of humane treatment of animals, is autistic.
PETA has actually referred people in the meat industry to Grandin to help re-design their facilities -- she works closely with McDonalds and others. She was recently called in to help re-design a kosher facility in Iowa that was cited for humane violations (not because of kosher per se, for other reasons, but that's a whole other blog...)
It is BECAUSE OF Grandin's autism that she is able to see solutions that others miss. Her books on animals ("Animals in Translation" and "Animals make us Human" are breakthrough works that clearly come from her autistic "difference" in perspective from NT people. (see http://www.grandin.com/inc/animals.in.translation.html ) It is said of this book that "Animals in Translation is like no other animal book because of Temple Grandin. As an animal scientist and a person with autism, her professional training and personal history have created a perspective like no other thinker in the field, and this is her exciting, groundbreaking view of the intersection of autism and animal." (from the book's website.)
So PETA speaks with forked tongue. Out of one side of their mouth, they praise Temple Grandin for her sensitivity to animals. Out of the other side, they label autism as a "terrible disease."
PETA's REAL agenda has nothing to do with autism per se, I doubt they give a damn about real autistic people or they would not have designed such an offensive campaign in the first place. Their real agenda is to get people to give up milk because of cruelty to animals which I do know exists. There is a great deal of animal abuse in the dairy farm industry. But I do not think PETA should exploit autistic people or use us as some sort of scare-tactic bogeyman to get their point across.
The insensitivity of this campaign ranks right up there with "Holocaust on your plate," another time PETA did not care about the people they insulted -- and which set us Jewish animal activists back DECADES in trying to educate our fellow Jews about animal abuse issues. It was totally counter-productive. And so is this "Got autism?" campaign.
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I hate it when people just "drop in"...
posted at 07:51 pm on 01-18-2009
I am a person who likes -- indeed, NEEDS -- to know what my daily schedule will be. It does not have to be the SAME every day -- I'm not THAT rigid -- but it does need to be reasonably predictable. I am NOT a spontaneous person!
It is very difficult for me to just drop everything to "entertain" some friend or relative who decides to "drop by" on the spur of the moment. Such intrusions are crazy-making for me. I am suddenly being forced to make small talk about meaningless drivel when what I REALLY want to be doing is to continue working on whatever project got interrupted. "Drop by" unexpectedly at my house and you will see the worst side of me.
On the other hand, if you call ahead and ASK if I will be free to visit later in the day, then I have enough time to transition out of whatever I'm hyper-focused on and be more available for conversation. OK, maybe it seems weird to an NT to have to schedule an appointment like that, but that is how my brain works. It is NOT pleasurable to have people drop in out of nowhere and I'm simply NOT glad to see them "pop in."
It took me YEARS to train my NT wife's family to respect this. Her eldest son from another marriage, who lives not too far away, felt that since it was "his mother's house" he could just barge in any old time he felt like it and to hell with me. Well, it is not "his mother's house," it is the house his mother and I bought together and we have the right to establish some boundaries. I do not feel obligated to interrupt what I'm doing to suit his -- or anybody else's -- spur-of-the-moment whims.
So, those of you NTs who have autistic relatives, keep this in mind: Most of us HATE surprises! Be courteous and call ahead at least an hour or more, please.
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EQ killed my career in the late 20th century
posted at 09:50 pm on 06-22-2008
"EQ" is "Emotional Quotient" -- also known as Emotional Intelligence -- something that did not exist as a psychological category 60 years ago when I was born. Back then it was IQ that was all-important. Mine is quite high (145 if you discount the 80 in coding, otherwise 130) so I got tracked into the academic route and everyone thought I should become a rabbi. Which I eventually did -- but the role of rabbi in America is no longer that of the intellectual and his books in a little study somewhere. Scholasticism is dead. Instead, the rabbi is supposed to be a social director for mega-congregations of literally thousands of families. Without EQ, the 21st-century rabbi is a total failure.
Of course, nobody had heard of Aspberger's back when I began my rabbinical studies in the 1970s. So I was simply seen as a total misfit with a "low EQ." After my first book was published in 1992 (yes, in the real world I am a published author) I went on the speaking circuit and, well, it was a disaster. People read my words and had their own idea of me as some sort of gushy new-age guru because I wrote about reincarnation (which, BTW, is part of Hasidic teachings, not "new age" at all.) When they learned that the rabbi whose book they loved was this autistic little nerd with poor eye contact, they were so disappointed... and never asked me back. I was a one-shot gig everywhere. (And if this story gives away who I am, so be it. I'm getting close to "coming out" anyway. Maybe even write my memoirs of being the "Holocaust reincarnation rabbi." Now that REALLY gave it away, yes? )
I never had a real congregation and today I do not actually support myself as a rabbi, although I do have a volunteer ministry at the local federal prison (where I am Volunteer of the Year this year -- a real surprise, I assure you.)
Maybe I'm more traditional anyway -- in the old days, rabbis also had secular jobs, so much so, that the Talmud says not to make the Torah "a spade to dig with" (which means don't commercialize it.) I am certainly more free without a Board of Directors voting on my every move. Being weird has set me free!
EQ is such a far cry from the reclusive rabbis -- and for that matter, scientists -- we read about in the old stories. And I find myself wondering, as this EQ requirement takes hold more and more in the corporate world -- I wonder, how many Einsteins and Edisons would never make it into a lab today? I mean, Edison has to have been the most hyper-focused man on earth when it came to light bulbs. Electricity was his Special Interest -- yes indeed! He literally tried 1000 ways that failed and never gave up. What EQ-NT person could do that? Today Edison would be considered obsessive or weird or disturbed... and we would all still be using candles.
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Does Minnesota REALLY have more autism cases?
posted at 04:02 pm on 06-08-2008
During Autism Awareness Month I saw a TV news item that said Minnesota has the highest percentage of children diagnosed with autism in the USA. I wonder why that is? I live in Minnesota, although I did not grow up here. And I wonder WHY there would be more autism here -- if it is even true. Do we have some weird radiation affecting our brains??
Or can it be that native Minnesotans are so conformist that ANY behavioral difference is seen as a syndrome? This is "the land of 10,000 treatment centers," where where "that's different" is a code phrase for disapproval. Really. It took me 2 years to figure that one out. Minnesotans also tend to speak very low key without much body language (NOBODY ever sways). They also do not "raise eyebrows" the way we did on the East Coast (I am always being asked why I do that. Well, EVERYBODY did it in Philly where I grew up -- so why DON'T they do it here?) In fact, Minnesotan facial expressions are pretty bland all around, VERY hard to read compared to the more broad expressions on the East Coast. And Minnesotans tend to stare you in the eye the whole time -- which I can't stand -- and are always asking me "why do you look at the wall or the ceiling?" Which really annoys me -- when people stare me in the eye like that, I feel like we are two roosters squaring off for a cockfight...
So I wonder: Are all those kids REALLY on the spectrum, or are they being labeled that because they don't fit a local stereotype of "Minnesota Nice"? Are there differences around the country (world?) as to which cultures are more or less tolerant of Aspie behaviors? Does tolerance (or lack thereof) affect diagnosis rates? I wonder....
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Why do NTs ask for "input" when all they REALLY want is warm fuzzies?
posted at 02:23 pm on 09-02-2007
It happened again. Somebody on a blog asked for suggestions on improving their web page and I gave corrections for the numerous typos. So what happens? I get slammed by other bloggers for "making her feel foolish." There was no intent to make anybody feel foolish. She ASKED her blog buddies to take a look, tell her how to improve it -- so I did.
BTW, this wasn't just a blog page, either. It was a page in an online store. I don't know about you, but I'm not very impressed with a site trying to sell me stuff when they don't even bother to proofread or use a spell checker. And some people wonder why their business fails????
I really do not understand why people have to get all emotional and take it personally when you correct spelling and grammar in a business context. On a job once, where I was hired as a proofreader, we had this person who always confused "statue" with "statute." Well, this was an insurance company and the word "statute" came up a lot, so she made that mistake over and over, sometimes in several documentrs the same day. And every time, I had to send the galley proofs back to the typesetter. So one day I wrote a note explaining that "statue" is a piece of sculpture and "statute" is a law. I thought I was saving the company time & money. What happens? I get called in by the boss and read the riot act for "embarrassing" the writer because it was "not my place" to instruct her in grammar. Apparently I was "below" her on the corprorate ladder and how dare a mere proofreader tell a writer how to spell??? They would rather lose money than teach vocabulary.
So I guess what I'm supposed to do next time somebody asks for "honest" input is to say, "Yeah, wow, great job, attaboy!!" even though it looks like crap -- just to avoid hurting feelings? Is that any way to run a business?
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I scored 162 out of 200 on the Aspie test...
posted at 10:06 pm on 08-14-2007
My HMO is still dawdling about doing an official diagnosis -- guess they don't want to waste $$$ on a 59-year-old. So I decided to take an online self-test. Out of 200 questions I scored 162 as possible Aspie, only 38 as possible NT. I was pretty amazed that some of my strange eccentricities (such as always cutting tags off clothes because I can't STAND them) would actually be symptoms. Anyway, this is adequate for me -- if the HMO does come through, that would be interesting, but not really necessary.
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Why Hasidic Judaism works for me as an Aspie
posted at 08:25 am on 08-03-2007
In the real world I'm a Hasidic (very Orthodox) Jew. I did not grow up Hasidic in my family, although there were Hasidim on our block. They reached out to me when nobody else did. Hasidic Judaism became my new "special interest" and has remained a major part of my life. I eventually became ordained as a rabbi although, I could not handle congregatonal life, so today I'm a sort of recluse who writes on Jewish theology. (Under my real name, I'm published. If you figure out who I am, no big deal. I just want a little distance from my publicity here.)
Why does Hasidism work for me? Because the expected social behaviors are very clearly spelled out. Orthodox Judaism in general is very "autistic" in this way: First you find out the halachah (Jewish law) relating to a situation, then you act accordingly. So, once I learn the halachah, my mind can sort through and find the appropriate behavior(s) for each holiday or other situation. And they are pretty much the same worldwide among Hasidic communities.
For example, I can go to the Sabbath table at any Hasidic home and the order of things is pretty much the same. The opening prayers are all familiar, I have them memorized, I know the ritual and what is expected of me. Not only that, but if I choose to stick my nose in a book instead of engaging in meaningless chit-chat, nobody thinks it is rude or odd. "He's so into studying Torah!" would be the POSITIVE response.
In the secular/Reform/Conservative (take your pick) worlds, on the other hand, I'm lost. They don't go by halachah, they go by "do your own thing." Social status and "fitting in" are more important that proper ritual behavior. The Jewish Renewal people are even worse -- they make up new rituals at every service, and have this annoying habit of wanting to "meditate" by staring directly into my eyes. When I turn away in discomfort, they interpret it as me "not being open" -- the ultimate "sin" in their way of thinking. Well, they were not very "open" to my differences!
Intellectually I was attracted to Renewal in the 1970s & 80s because of their progressive social agenda, but socially it was a big disaster for me. So, although I despise the right-wing politics of most Hasidim, I stick with that community because I can at least partially fit in. And because I love the theology. And the freedom to stimm to my heart's content in prayers.
Yes, Hasidic worship fits me very well, because each person can "go into" themselves in the liturgy on their own, even in a room full of people. Rocking back and forth to the rhythm of the prayers is totally normal - called "shuckling." So is pacing during the service -- you often see Hasidim pacing at the back of the room, prayerbook in hand, lost in thier own world. I have often joked that if a stranger walked into a Hasidic synagogue, they might think it was a support group for autistic adults. Certainly the shuckling is a form of stimming, at least for me. And since people commonly pull their tallis (prayer shawl) over their heads, I can shut out the distractions of the other people around me.
In the Conservative synagogue where I used to go in Minneapolis back in the early 1980s, the ritual committee actually passed a RULE that you could NOT pull your tallis over your head -- for "proper decorum" or whatnot. (More like anti-Orthodox posturing if you ask me.) By doing this, they actually shut me out of their worship, because I could not stand being "out in the open" in with all those hundreds of people around. So i did not go there anymore. Not that anybody really missed me... I suspect for many it was good riddance.
Thus it is that, in my case at least, the "progressive" Jews were really regressive, and the traditionalists were the most open to my eccentricities. Hasidim may all dress alike, but I have found them to be more open to my differences. I did not have the "aspie" handle on this for all those years, but now that I do, so many things in my past make SENSE!
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Anybody else think that "Creature Comforts" show is stupid???
posted at 02:58 pm on 06-21-2007
I love animals, and I loved "Chicken Run" by the Wallace and Grommet Pixar folks, so I was really looking forward to the TV show, "Creature Comforts." Well, the claymations are cute, but that's about it. The dialogue is nothing but an inane batch of chit-chat about nothing. UGHHH!!! And THIS is what non-Aspies think is FUNNY?? Talk about dumbing down! If real animals could talk they'd be a lot more intelligent than THAT...
However, this show typifies why I don't "fit in" to social groups. I absolutely HATE chit-chat, it's a useless waste of time and energy. I actually managed to sit through half an hour of this stupid show, hoping it would get better for the sake of the cute claymations... but it never did. Why the critics are raving about it, I'll never know. But then, I hate reality shows like "Survivor," too. Who wants to watch a bunch of dumbos gossip, backbite, and plot behind each others' backs? It's all fake anyway. Nobody on these shows is in any danger of not surviving when they have a camera crew folowing them around everywhere. In REAL survival situations these jerks would not last 2 days.
What I DO like are documentaries, good science fiction (not the blow-em-up kind, but the kind with a message) and some types of historical dramas. I also enjoy detail-oriented mysteries is like CSI and Criminal Minds. (Dr. Reed on Criminal Minds is an Aspie if I ever saw one! YAY!) Romances are totally boring -- I generally use the sex scenes to go get a snack or hit the bathroom. I don't enjoy watching my dogs and cats mate, why should I watch people doing it?
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A 59-year-old maybe Aspie beams in....
posted at 10:01 am on 06-07-2007
Live long and prosper!
This is my first blog post here, although not my first blog ever -- I have another one elsewhere under my real name as well as a longtime presence on the Net, but, for now, I'll remain anonymous as "Vulcan613." The Vulcan part is obvious. The 613 is net-speak for an Orthodox Jew, which I am. So, Vulcan613 it is -- Whether I come out in the future is anybody's guess.
I'm starting this blog at the same time I'm starting to offically investigate whether I have Asperger's. By "official" I mean getting diagnosed. I'm already pretty sure I'm an Aspie. An adult Aspie who fell through the cracks, was misdiagnosed as "emotionally disturbed" and worse. Old story to many I'm sure.
I've had a diagnosis of ADHD since 1994 -- went through several hours of testing at the expense of a boss in a big corp who ordered me to "see a psychiatrist" if I wanted to keep my job. I came out with an IQ of 130 that would be 145 if not for the 80 in "coding." No wonder I don't "get" nonverbal cues. But at least I now understood why I never could learn to read music -- I can't hear a visual symbol as a sound (bad coding again) although I do experience music as colors sometimes -- maybe I should try a color-coded keyboard?
I ended up quitting the job anyway.
So a lot of things about me don't really fit ADHD exactly, although Ritalin does help me focus in social situations. But it does not help me read faces, intuit body language and behaviors, "hang out" or "fit in" anywhere, bond with people long-term, etc. The more I read about Asperger's, the more it sounds exactly like me.
Of course, Aspergers was not even on my doctor's mind back in the 90s -- it wasn't even "recognized" as a separate syndrome until 1994. And for a guy like me, born in 1947, well, back then, nobody had even heard of it. Autism to me meant the severe end of the spectrum only -- institutionalized kids rocking back and forth, rolling their eyes, stimming all day and never talking or interacting outside themselves. (Sorry for the stereotypes, but that's how I thought of it then. A bit of my brutal honesty... keep in mind that DNA wasn't even discovered until I was in high school. It was the dark ages.)
Verbal skill and language I had -- lots of it, maybe too much of it. I started talking at age 9 months and never shut up. My nicknames in the family were "chatterbox" and "professor." Yep, I had the "little professor" syndrome -- my special interest was insects. Collected them, watched them, read about them, bored everybody to death talking about them. Later it changed to other hobbies and "fads" but always with such an intenisity that it totally dominated my focus in life. And turned others off. When I was 10, one of my neighbors told my mother not to let me come over there anymore because I "made her feel stupid." Story of my life.
I had never heard of Asperger's until my good friend, photographer Jane Strauss, told me last year that she was diagnosed as an Aspie -- and went public with it (so I'm not violating any confidences here -- it's on her blog, in her descriptions of her art -- google her name and see!)
Jane and I have known each other for decades, we both have similar socialization "problems" and have talked about these things a lot over the years. Both of us love fine distinctions and details others miss -- you can see it in her photos and, if you knew who I am in the mundane world, you would see it in my published books, in my Orthodox Jewish practice (which is a very precise, detailed, structured system of thought and life.) and my own photography. Jane and I see the world differently than normies -- but very much alike when we are together. And we are both as intense as intense can be. When we get interested in something, we really get into it.
But before Jane's diagnosis there was Temple Grandin's book, "Thinking in Pictures." I read that when it first came out and so many things clicked, that I began describing myself as having "autism-like symptoms." But again, it never occurrred to me that I could really be autistic because I was still stuck in the old stereotypes of it.
After talking to Jane, I did some research on the Net and the more I read, the more familiar it all sounded. So, yesterday when I went for my usual check-in with my Ritalin-prescribing shrink, I broached the subject and she said, "I'm not ruling it out" and agreed to a referral for testing -- assuming my insurance will pay for it.
Whether or not I'm officially diagnosed, I've already learned a lot from my web lurking -- the most important of which is, I'm not a freak and I'm not alone in my strangeness. After 59 years of hell, that's a relief to know!
(And being somewhat obsessive, I've revised this entry over and over... time to quit and go eat something...)
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