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posted at 09:56 am on 07-16-2008
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Reality never affects me so much...
posted at 09:56 am on 07-16-2008
THEY CAN'T DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!
(Don't worry, it's to do with a manga. Nothing is actually wrong... apart from *Rachel stops herself from posting spoilers*)
But anyways... THEY. CAN. NOT. DO. THIS.
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Anyone who cares...
posted at 12:18 am on 05-12-2008
My computer is down, so I won't be on here as much, and I won't be on MSN at all for a while. I'm not ignoring anyone, so noone needs to threaten to remove me from their MSN list (ok, Strapples? :-P )
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Damn SSRI discontinuation syndrome.
posted at 10:38 pm on 04-15-2008
1 executive dysfunction= 1 lost prescription for antidepressants= 1 bout of withdrawal. I'm being reminded of why I actually take the things. NOT so much for depression, my mood seems to do what it wants (although they do get me to a level where I can at least do things like wash my hair and get out of the house...) but for anxiety.
Without them, my mind becomes a battlefield between my executive dysfunction and my obsessive-compulsive traits. This means, that when I can get my head together enough to be able to figure how to do anything, I get stopped by counting things, or doing everything in groups of seven, or whatever my brain has decided is essential to the correct functioning of the universe.
I love my brain.
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posted at 01:40 am on 01-28-2008
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Hahahahahaha...
posted at 01:40 am on 01-28-2008
Apparently I am Ana54's flunky because I defended her.
*falls off my chair laughing*
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posted at 09:47 am on 01-05-2008
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Kierkegaard
posted at 09:47 am on 01-05-2008
Wrote EXACTLY what has been on my mind of late. I quote:
What is the Absurd? It is, as may quite easily be seen, that I, a rational being, must act in a case where my reason, my powers of reflection, tell me: you can just as well do the one thing as the other, that is to say where my reason and reflection say: you cannot act and yet here is where I have to act... The Absurd, or to act by virtue of the absurd, is to act upon faith ... I must act, but reflection has closed the road so I take one of the possibilities and say: This is what I do, I cannot do otherwise because I am brought to a standstill by my powers of reflection.
Unquote
I decided not to kill myself, for now, as by killing myself I would (as far as I know) remove all the other choices. As paralysing as choice can be, I do not wish to cut short all my choices simply for the sake of my own ease of mind. Intellectual laziness is not a reason, to my way of thinking, for suicide. And I LIKE being able to choose.
The problem is, how do we choose to do anything? How can any of our choices make sense?
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Why, why, why...
posted at 05:21 am on 01-04-2008
... do I bother with the outside world at all when the inside of my head provides enough interesting material to keep me occupied for a decade?
Here's how yesterday's entry would have gone:
4/01/08
Today I came up with a good reason not to kill myself, thus answering a question that had bothered me for over two years. I also painted a picture.
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Reminders for myself
posted at 10:02 am on 11-22-2007
My hand does NOT belong on the hot stove.
Razors do NOT belong in my arm.
*Addresses brain*
BAD brain! STUPID brain! Stop thinking these things!
*Hits brain*
OWWWW!
(My brain hurts!)
I'm off to do logic puzzles.
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posted at 11:13 am on 11-08-2007
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Insomnia
posted at 11:13 am on 11-08-2007
It's 2am. I'm awake. Two hours ago, I was bouncing off the walls. I'm not that wired now, in fact I'm yawning, but I could easily spend another few hours awake.
It feels like my brain has forgotten how to sleep. As though if I kept doing things and didn't lie down, I could stay awake forever. I'd probably go mad if I did that, though.
I've done almost no work today. I can't focus. I began to make my bed an hour ago. I've managed to get one side of a sheet tucked in. That leaves the other side of the sheet, two blankets and a quilt to go. Soon it will be too hot for all those, and I'll have even more trouble sleeping. I need that weight there. Last night, I stayed awake and twitching for an hour after I went to bed. Finally, I found more blankets and tucked them in tightly. The effect was immediate. My muscles relaxed, my breathing slowed and the awful feeling of being without an anchor went away. I was asleep within minutes.
The entire sheet is on the bed now.
I'm yawning, my eyes ache, but I still feel like I'm crawling out of my skin.
I think I'll make a weighted blanket for myself.
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