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Yoshie777's Blog
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Am I asking for too much?
posted at 10:34 pm on 06-30-2007
Lately, on this website, whenever I feel down, left out, guilty, or just plain stupid and I request for reassurance, I usually get responses from the same people. For some odd reason, though, I want more. I want more attention, popularity, charisma, love, and other things from other people here on WP. Now I know I shouldn't be asking for these things. It's just that I was really upset by these popularity contests posted in the Random Disussions forum. What I want to do is have a friendly or supportive discussion with someone (especially a girl) and just let people know that I exist and that I'm here as a friend and supporter. I don't want to make enemies, nor do I want to be annoying. I'm starting to notice different changes in my psychological and social needs the more I post on this website. To some, you might consider this a vent, which it is. To others, you might consider this an annoying cry for help. Don't worry, though, because all this came from the fact that I was upset over a stupid popularity contest. I have a feeling that this will all pass, eventually.
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Why I am here!
posted at 03:40 pm on 05-20-2007
My name is Joshua. Here, you all know me as Yoshie. Currently, I am a 19-year-old freshman at Central Washington University. I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at the age of 9. However, I was never born with it.
It all started when I was an infant. I had a terrible series of seizures. I had to undergo many EEGs and be put on many medications. My seizures finally went away after a few months, but little did I know that the trouble was just beginning. By the age of three, I was sent to school, where I wouldn't really talk interact with the other children. By age five, my parents divorced and my mom took me and my twin brothers, Jon and Jason, to live with my grandparents. By age six, my youngest sibling, Megan, was born. A year later, my dad vanished and stopped seeing me and my brothers. In that same year, my mom met my former stepfather, James. He was very strict and ruled our house with an iron fist. Meanwhile in school, by age 7, I started having anger outbursts in school. I also got really into video games. I also used to get good grades, but by third grade, they started to slip. One day, when I was nine years old, I got so bad that my mom took me to see a neurologist, just in case I was having seizures again. There, the neurologist determined that I wasn't having seizures again, but that I DID have Asperger Syndrome. That was the history of my diagnosis.
Now after I was diagnosed, things started taking a turn for the worse. First off, my grandfather died that same year, I had a bicycle accident that chipped my two front teeth, and I started having more anger outbursts along with low grades. All I pretty much had was video games, music, and a loving family. Throughout elementary school, I only had one friend.
Middle school was the pits. I have to say that sixth grade was the worst year ever. I had a horrible time getting used to the change, which caused my grades to fall and anger outbursts to rise. In fact, in that year, I had an outburst once every couple of days. In seventh grade, my outbursts dropped a little and my grades began to improve a little. However, I was suspended from school twice due to my anger outbursts. Well, it was a good thing that my mom was on speed dial with the school counselor for those two years because in eighth grade, I completely changed. I only had one outburst that year and my grades flew. It was a year of change and it was also a new beginning. I don't remember exactly why I chose to change, but the support that I had sure worked.
One of the things that really got me through high school was the music department. Now, the only major struggle that I had in high school was that I made the mistake of taking Honors English for two years. During those two years, I had a few outbursts. Socially, I didn't have a best friend, but I had the support of my family and I got to interact with other musicians. Over time, I was also supported enough for me to play in honor bands and eventually win the State Solo and Ensemle Contest. I was growing up and outgrowing some of my quirks and my family knew it.
Now in college, life is so much better. At first I was going to be a band teacher, but I realized that I wasn't good with children, so I decided to work with AS. AS has affected my life in many ways, so why can't I help those who have a hard time with it? I want to be an Autism specialist, but so far I lack the proper people skills. This is one reason why I joined this site. I also joined this site so that I can actually make friends, which I have been desiring for years. According to my posts, I am now a raven. I don't want to feel left out on this site and it appears that I am supported somewhat. But, I wish I had true friends and a true relationship with a girl. But, one can only wait. I have a feeling that my journey with AS has only just begun.
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My Life in College
posted at 07:53 pm on 04-30-2007
Dear Aspies,
I am currently nearing the end of my freshman year at Central Washington University. In general, I am quite happier here than I was in public school. I have noticed quite a change in the atmosphere here in college than in a public school. Socially, the people in college are actually a bit easier to talk to. Not only that, but you are basically rid of most of the folks in high school that would always give you a hard time. Academically, it is easier to get work done because you actually have time. Sometimes, depending on the number of credits you are taking, you may have more time on your hands than you ever need.
Unfortunately, there are things in college that you have to watch out for. First off, you must always listen to the professor at all times without any arguments. Second, there will be times where you have to hide your emotions from people until you are in the right place, like your dorm or somewhere where you can isolate yourself. Third, everything you do in college is your responsibility, including finances, homework, registration, practice time, parties, etc. Fourth, having a roommate isn't always a good thing, for you may have someone who might not get along with you or may even distract you one way or another. Finally, don't overestimate yourself in college or you will have more work than you need.
Because I was kind of careful choosing classes at the right time and because of my dedication, I currently have a 3.8 GPA right now. However, I did withdraw from a Psychology class because of the fact that I overestimated myself. A lot the classes that I have taken so far have all been affiliated with music, which is my major. Although, I have also taken some basic courses along the way. Academically, college can be challenging if you overestimate yourself, but it can also be just fine if you are dedicated enough.
Socially, my life in college has mostly been in isolation. I live in a single dorm where the only person living in it is me. I don't have to worry about a roommate's distractions and I can get my work done. If I would of had a roommate, I would have set up some ground rules which include no drugs or alcohol of any kind, no video games, no inviting friends without letting me know, no late night parties in the room, clean up after yourself, and stay quiet if I am sleeping. In short, I would be one lousy roommate. I have been to and seen college parties, and every time I would go, I would always stay sober. I would see people get drunk and become completely different people with strange quirks. To me, it felt quite awkward, considering that I don't drink alcohol or smoke. When you are around public, which is most of the time, avoid any emotional outbursts at all times, because college is pretty much a gateway to the real world. Making friends in college might be just as hard as making friends in high school, so just beware. Also, try to join at least one club if you can because it is a good way to interact with people without too much of the quirkiness. I joined CRU (Campus Crusade for Christ) because I was always a Christian and it was time to get in touch with my religion again. Also, try not to socialize to the point where people are thinking that you are stalking them. Make sure that the people feel comfortable around you. If you don't know, ask them and make sure that they answer honestly. You also must understand that these people have personal lives along with other friends. If you really like somebody and you want to be their friend, you must tell them the truth and say that you have AS or Autism and say it in a way so that they will understand. As for me, when I want someone to be my friend, I simply confess that I have AS and I try to describe it the best way I can. But anyway, in college, it might be better to get a single dorm, join a club if you can, and if like somebody as a friend, tell them that you have AS.
So far, my life at Central Washington University has been somewhat of a success, although this is only the beginning. I know that I will have many challenges ahead of me. If anyone reading this wants to know more or has questions, feel free to respond.
Sincerely,
Yoshie777
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