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Benjimanbreeg's Blog
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brave new world
posted at 09:48 pm on 01-16-2009
My other blogs were the old me. I've gotten through that. I'm only depressed 89% of the time now ;)
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This is me
posted at 08:12 am on 11-20-2007
I'm depressed 90% of the time, and only when things go my way do I feel happy enough to not say i'm not depressed. When good things happen it numbs the pain for a while. I'm scared of getting old, i'm scared of loosing my family, including my cat obviosly. Usually the only time I feel safe is when i'm asleep, unless i've had a nightmare, then i'm actually relieved to wake up. The 10% i'm happy is usually when i'm listening to my favourite music, watching my favourite programs or doing a good deed. I feel guilty about being depressed because I know there are people in much worse situations than me, this makes me feel even worse, is there only one way out of this mess, I don't know. I hate nearly everything about life. I want to be a sports teacher, helping young kids go in the right direction, I feel very passionate about this, but when i'm really low, I even lose interest in that. Life does feel like torture sometimes, and it seems when i'm down I get kicked some more, probably through my own doing. My brain feels like a scrambled egg, what's the answer. I'm a complete perfectionist, but because i'm so hard on myself, I never get things perfect. I've lost touch with reality, because reality is to painful to deal with. I don't see my friends anymore, cause all they wanna do is drink, and as time has gone by I feel more and more distant from them. My mind's gone blank now, lucky for whoever's reading this, but I need to say more one day, because I can never express myself by talking.
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Always try your best
posted at 07:14 am on 11-19-2007
I am a very keen sportsman, especially with golf and tennis, I am very dedicated. Saturday my hard work payed off when I recieved 2 awards for golf competitions I had won ealier in the year, I also was in a tennis doubles final on sunday, but unfortunately we lost, but i'll still get a runner's up medal. People who read this might think, there can't be a lot wrong with me, but with every shot I have to hit at either sport, I get a huge rush of anxiety every time, this makes things so much more difficult than they should be, however I do practice religously, what i'm saying is if you want something bad enough, don't give up and always try your best, anything is possible.
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