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Dustbowlrefugee's Blog
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Doctors appointment
posted at 09:53 am on 04-11-2008
Last week I had a doctors appointment to see why I wasnt feeling very well, Id had this feeling before, too tired to do anything and a fever. So the doctor decided to take blood. He also said if there wasnt anything wrong with my blood it may be a psychological cause eg depression.
I was given a questionaire and told to come back next week (today)!
Well I filled out the questionaire last week when I was feeling down and now dont want to give it to the doctor today. Im feeling pretty good and dont want to talk about how I was feeling with him. I know I should, but I dont think I can.
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The little things
posted at 10:23 am on 08-17-2007
I love...
Walking in the countryside on a cold winters day, where the sun is shining so bright and the sky so clear but yet its so bitterly cold you can see your breath. I love those days, you feel so alive and nobody is around for miles!
Also when I used to go out to the nightclub, Id love walking home at 2am when it was pitch black and had been snowing.. you could see for miles with the orange streetlights reflecting off the snow. It was so quiet, the quietness was almost roaring in your ears. You could hear trains miles away, their horns carried through the crisp clean air. Every footstep crunching in the snow, and when I got home my nose would tingle as it warmed up.
Going for a drive late at night with no intended destination, the window down with the smell of the night blowing in. Seeing people walking through the streets in the city and imagining where they are going, what are they doing, what would it be like to be them?!
Back when I used to smoke the illegal regals... Listening to music at night in my room, discovering new songs, albums, artists that Id never heard of before. Creedence Clearwater Revival, The Doors, Bob Dylan, Canned Heat, Led Zeppelin... Rewinding back to certain peaks in the song and wondering quite why Id never realised that song was so good! How could it have gone unnoticed before now!
Finally. Sitting looking up at the stars again on a cold night (I guess I have a cold night thing) trying to comprehend how many there must be! A million billion. Thats one way to make your own problems vanish completely.
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First blog
posted at 01:22 pm on 06-23-2007
Ok, thought Id start a blog but cant think of what to write at the moment.
Heres a copy of a post in the forums describing what I felt before I thought I might have AS:
I started by just thinking I was just shy back at secondary(high) school.
I then started to think about why I was so shy and started to think I might not have quite figured out what life was all about, maybe I was missing something important.
About this time I also started to realise that I wasnt quite into the things other folk were into so thought I was a bit of a geek. I used to come home from school and watch this documentary called battlefield Vietnam that was on everyday. I knew other folk didnt do this sort of thing, they were all too busy playing football.
Then it was on to college, although my shyness was at an alltime high, so I thought I had Social anxiety disorder. I still think I have this. I also noticed I had no desire to fit in, I thought I had some sort of non-conformist attitude at first, but then discovered it's not that I try to be different from the majority, I just dont see why everybody tries to be the same.
After college I started to work, and really liked it, it involved an interest i truly liked so couldnt fault it. I could never understand how people could work in jobs they dont like, I still dont understand that. I thought I was pretty 'normal' at this point though, just a little weird/anxious.
Now I'm back at college studying something i really enjoy too. I had been thinking I was just a misanthropic geek lately, still with social anxiety. I've just lately discovered AS and seem to fit some of the traits, but not others. I have no trouble understanding facial expressions or unspoken social rules, I just dont see a point to them.
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