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A near death experience, and a lot of stress.
posted at 10:28 am on 10-18-2007
Firstly, Tuesday night (this took me a lot of persuading to get all the details about) I felt quite ill, as is often the case, so mentioned to my bf I may have a fit.
Within half an hour I did have a fit, which was not a particually bad one, however my tounge blocked my airway leaving my fitting self hardly able to breathe.
My bf reacted to this by shaking me a lot, but my breathing and fit had stopped. He gave me chest compressions and I gradually started breathing, then came round being very tired and bruised. My bf was obviously crying and to me, seemed really angry. He made some comments about not being sure he could cope with me, then rolled over and feel asleep and snored quite loudly.
I feel very worried that I will not be able to keep this relationship, or any realtionship going, because having a girlfriend who likes to be alone more of the time, and is thought of as very odd, is probably bad enough, without the thought that she nearly died in your arms. It is bad luck that happened, normally I breathe on my own fine, and he has witnessed me having fits quite a few times before.
I hope my boyfriend can cope with me, and will gain more understanding of me. At the moment it feels like we are trying to avoid each other, and we have sex a lot more than we actually talk. He did however say that he really, really, really likes me, but a lot of men have said that to me, so I figure that it is just because he doesn't want the sex to become infrequent.
If someone has bothered to read this any advice/thoughts would be well recieved. Thank you.
posted at 02:43 pm on 08-24-2007
Boyfriend cancelled coming over to mine to stay at 7:36 this evening, when I was expecting him round at about 5pm.
I am really upset because he has messed up my whole routine for today and tomorrow, now I am really angry and upset.
I obviously can't cope with being in a relationship and am going to leave him.
posted at 08:57 am on 08-15-2007
I guess, I do not really accept myself as having Aspergers.
I do not think I will accept any help with anything.
I can't really cope on my own though. I will likely get fired from work before too long.
I obviously can't cope with working full time anyway.
I need money though.
I need to sell my moped but have no idea how to do this so will have to pay insurance again soon even though i can't use it.
I have not opened my post for about a month now.
I feel sad.
Am I even Aspie?
posted at 08:49 am on 08-06-2007
posted at 12:32 pm on 07-19-2007
I am on a massive low today, I feel like crying and all I want is to be in the man I loves arm's right now. That, is not going to happen though.
I wish I were dead.
posted at 02:09 pm on 07-11-2007
I am ill, my throat is so sore I can not even smoke. Snotty nose- how gross. Ear infection as per usual when I am run down.
I am quite down, because I feel rejected and lonely, routines have changed today which upsets me too. I relise I feel I need to be in relationships because I need lots of reasurance. This is probably why I panic when things go wrong, instead of just thinking about things logically. I worry I will never marry and have kids one day, because, though I do disagree with most marriages, I am not against marrige as a whole. My mum will not shut up about me having kids and getting married, I guess because I am nearly 20 now, and should do that in my 20s ideally. 10 years to fall in love, settle and have kids..It may sound like a long time, but for me I am not sure it is a realistic aim.
I don't know if I should go into work tomorrow or call in sick. If I am working I have to get up at 5:30, but if I call in sick I will spend the day depressed at home with mum. I don't know. =(
posted at 06:07 am on 06-26-2007
I hate feeling close to people because when they let me down in any small way, it really hurts. Sometimes I wish I didn't care about others at all.
posted at 08:22 am on 06-01-2007
I feel really depressed today.
posted at 06:27 am on 05-26-2007
Still depressed, erm, I guess this could last a while. I am getting fustrated at myself for not doing enough per day to try and make life better. I.e. Looking for a new job.
I had a nightmare last night, relating to the time i was abused.
I think, I need to try and get someone to talk to about that stuff, as its still having a rather big effect on my life, considering.
posted at 04:05 am on 05-22-2007
This is just stupid. have been drinking since 7:23am.
I dont get why i have just given up so much on life altely.
i wish i had the guts to move away, but that would ot really help since the main problem in my life is me anyway.
been crying so hard today.
last night i went out with friends and drunk, played pool and went to a park at night. i was laughing and smiling a lot but i still hurt inside, i dont get why i was smilinng anyway, normally my facial expressions match my mood really well.
At least they thought i was happy then.
I know i have gotta just get on with life before i wreck it even wworse
posted at 10:41 am on 05-19-2007
Well, I kinda thought my life would be coming together about now, instead its falling apart.
Its strange how you can go from being engaged to someone, to not being able to say a word to them.
I wish there was a fast forward button for life. I would go to the end of the tape.
posted at 08:10 am on 01-15-2007
I have not felt this bad in a long time. I am lonely and need a good friend, a friend that is not just from the internet. I don't even know how to make friends. ive injured myself a lot, which is something i had not really done for quite some time.