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Littlefinn's Blog
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am i alive?
posted at 04:42 am on 09-10-2008
Ok so. You know that feeling when the whole world is moving and time is flying by so fast and you wish you could just stop time, just for a while so you can breathe. Well thats what I tried to do. Not litterly of course, but just stopped doing things and just left the actual living to my imagination. You dont know the things I have done in my head. But thats not real. Now when im sitting here writing this I dont think I ACTUALLY lived in years. Or I dont feel alive. At some point I wondered if im stil alive or if this is all just a dream and im gonna wake up and be a little girl again (im 16 now). And at one point I wondered if I was supposed to die a long time ago but just missed my calling if you can say that. All I ever do is sit here watching tv or just lieng around. At one point I believe I was lieng on the floor starring in to the thin air for no reason. But thats all boring so i run around and think of interesting things. I could go out and buy something or just go for a walk but thats almost everything I do when I get home from school. Besides watching tv. I have made atleast one new friend here in my new school in this new city (about 2 hours from home). And I follow her to the store to buy things like dinner and stuff like that and yeah its great to have somebody to sit next to in class. But at the same time im thinking "I dont really wanna be here". But I dont really wanna be anywhere. But id rather be here then back in my hometown were all my old classmates are. Can somebody please help me find my way back to the real world so I can start living my life again. Ill be forever thankful.
thank you for reading this "Christa"
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grandma and grandpas house
posted at 05:43 am on 03-30-2008
So get this my parents went to Dublin with a few other parents for one of those trips without the kids. And my brother spends A LOT of time and energy trying to get me out of the house, so he can have one of those drinking parties with his friends. So eventually i deside im gonna spend the night at grandma and grandpas house. Later when its about past nine we( me, grandma and grandpa ) go to the house to check up on them. The house looks empty so we send grandpa in to see whats going on.....and its correct the house is empty. But the computers on( he always leaves the computer on ) so grandma assumes that they are coming back. Next morning grandma and grandpa goes there again, still not there. So grandpa calls him. Turnes out he and his friends went out of town. So i might as well, could have stayed home. But then again this time( yes there has been other of these "times" ) im not gonna go home and find out from my brother that a drunk guy slept in my bed. Or find out that one of his friends fell asleep on the toilet( aha ).
hugs and kisses: littlefinn
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my bestest bud
posted at 03:39 pm on 12-15-2007
my bestest(aware that thats not a word) bud. I would like to take a time out from all this self pitty and depression and give a word out to the person thats helping me get threw it. MY BEST FRIEND CEDRIKA. I couldnt have gotten this far withot her. Her dark blonde hair, greenblue eyes(like me) and that oh so cute smile lights up my otherwise so cloudy day. Everytime you get upset or someone kicks you when your down, its great to know you have a shoulder to cry on and a great listener. Everyone needs someone. Your my someone. Its just sutch a shame you live so far away. I miss you. And ill miss not getting to see you this christmas. Ill think of you when im in LA. I just want you to know that ill ALWAYS love you and that no one can replace you.
Hugs and kisses your best friend Kicki
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lonely little girl
posted at 03:07 am on 12-07-2007
My whole life ive been a lonely little girl. When everybody else used to tun around and play with their friends in school I would usually sit on the swing I dont know why but it helped me think. For most of my childhood it was just me and my brain altough I wasnt very smart or maybe school just felt like a waste of my valuable thinking time. I had a few friends growing up one is a friend of the family three years young than me another one is a girl with that me first attitude that I only hung out with cause she hung out with me now shes a typically girly girl teenager and one is my best friend who I love but doesnt live here and then a few other people from younger years who pretends they never knew me now.
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my birthday
posted at 11:58 am on 08-06-2007
My birthdays coming up and I have been waiting.Its a big deal for me, I mean you only turn 15 ones in your life.I wish my best friend was here tough but she doesnt live here, I already got my present from her.It was a little pink piggybank with the text "little girl".Wich was very cute.Altough im not a little girl anymore, or maybe at heart.I know one thing im getting, my moped license.Wich is awesome.Im not looking that mutch ford to school starting tough,but its better than sitting at home on your lazy but feeling like a useless dumbass while time sloly goes by.So I guess I should wish myself a happy birthday.
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the meaning of life
posted at 11:35 am on 07-30-2007
Ive been thinking alot about the meaning of life, religion and that stuff. At one point I was so afraid that any mistake I made was gonna upset God, im still actiully kinna sourtov religious but im starting to realize that in order to be able to live my life like I want to I have to be able to make mistakes.And when it comes to the afterlife like heaven and all that stuff, well.....I guess I dont need to know that yet.I was so afraid of dieng at one point i forgot to live.But now that im sourtov almost back i dont know where or how to start living again.I meen ive been caught somewhere between my childhood fantasies of unicournes and fairies and trying to cope with my own teenage issues.Sometimes I still dont like going to sleep not because of the monsters, no because im used to it, now its mostly depression that comes at night time.So sometimes I even try to stay up really late so that when I go to bed I will be to tired to care about it and fall asleep.......Im just tryin to pull threw....
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