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Nocturnalowl's Blog
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The invisible glass cell.
posted at 07:22 am on 02-24-2006
Having Asperger's Syndrome or some really high functioning autism is like being stuck in an invisible glass cell that moves freely along with me. The only problem is that only me and special necesseties are the only things inside.
Everytime I want to move along - BAM! The cell stays still and I am hit. I can hear and see what happens but can the rest see me? I can't hear and see the world of reality too well because I filter parts of it with my imagination and narrow opinion on things. So I am caged up in a glass cell hoping to break out as soon as possible.
I feel that when I break out, I want to go back in, but this time with the cell welded and covered up so that I can never see or hear anything again. Just solitary confinement for my own protection. Even with the wall I feel I need some protection, though the panes of glass can make or break my spirit. Will I be safe or no?
As I get older I feel that breaking out would mean entering some world I missed out on, and therefore start over again; even if it means cramming some things from the past to make up lost time; which is ridiculous. I want to think that the last years never happened behind the dreaded glass cell and see another day agian.
Drive, learn, speak, dance, craze, go anywhere new. With a whole new timeframe of life. I really need this cell to break so I can run and fly with those I love and those I really want to see and meet. WOW! I need that feeling at this time. I want to feel 10 years younger at this point and say "nothing happened at all" for such a long time.
But I first must open my mind, open my eyes wider and open the ears to a whole new sight and sound. Prepare for the challenge of life and move to a whole new star of hope.
That is what I need at this time and can dream and believe a new light in time will continue and start anew, and continue and start anew.
GOOD TRAVELS.
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