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posted at 04:42 am on 10-24-2009
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no wonder..again....
posted at 04:42 am on 10-24-2009
My cycles have become so short....Period started today...10-23 today I was in all day shitty mood...blew up at partner....was rude to people who talked to me....
My schedule is regular...it just lasts FOREVER....last one was 12 days and started around the same time....time flies...here we go again....
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posted at 01:21 am on 10-21-2009
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meltdown...running venue semi alone...
posted at 01:18 am on 10-21-2009
Flakey has a new love interest, and said that since we were gonna have a slow show, I could run the venue with my other partner while he goes off for the night with his new gal...I thought it was a good idea...But the bands were all terrible and our obnoxious unstable neighbor was there...and the third band consisted of kids and they showed up under the influence, and the guy who was supposed to be the other guy's roadie was all drunk and on pills and throwing up all over the floor...so I got mad at them for bringing an intoxicated minor into the building...and really wanted to kick them out....but they ended up playing forever and were really bad...and our obnoxious unstable neighbor started yelling at them...and and there was not a single paying customer...just a bunch of regulars...OBnoxious regulars....and Flakeys usual secondary partner showed up, and my other partner spent over an hour sitting outside with her...and I am not supposed to be jealous...but in lieu of everything else, it was an added stressor...I am thinking that her ploy is that she will get back at Flakey for having a new interest by sidling up and being extra flirtatious..with my other partner..and while they of course have the right to do whatever they like, it is stressful for them to be doing it right in front of me...and that combined with the loudness and bad music and obnoxious people and all the yelling...was more than I could stand....and I started feeling all queasy and started crying....right now I am in the back wearing earplugs, and out front, there is just a bunch of yelling....
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posted at 09:21 am on 10-07-2009
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..
posted at 09:21 am on 10-07-2009
the rag lasted from 9-22 till around 10-4
that is
approx. 12 days....just keeping track.Only way I am able to is if I write it in my blog.
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posted at 02:43 am on 09-28-2009
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List of things to do
posted at 02:43 am on 09-28-2009
Clean kitchen and back area...and bathrooms....
clean front area
do laundry
set up sewing station
organize boxes in the hallway
work on custom sock monkey orders
Clean horribly messy computer room..
arrrrghhhh!!!!!!Paralysed...!!!
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posted at 09:06 am on 09-22-2009
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no wonder....
posted at 09:06 am on 09-22-2009
No wonder I have been so completely emotionally frayed...I am on the rag again....
I wonder why it always takes me so much by surprise....
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posted at 03:08 pm on 08-24-2009
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tweaking my blog
posted at 03:08 pm on 08-24-2009
cant figure out why it is unreadable from the blogs list even though it is set to public..
Have been sick for last two days...throat issues and ear drainage issues...
Gargled with vile mixture of cayenne pepper, ACV, lime and sea salt in warm water....feel slightly better today..but a bit off....need to gargle with the stuff again....
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posted at 11:33 pm on 08-19-2009
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pre-birthday meltdown...
posted at 11:33 pm on 08-19-2009
the details of which are listed here...
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp2346854.html#2346854
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posted at 12:12 pm on 08-19-2009
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bizarre dream log
posted at 12:12 pm on 08-19-2009
Just abruptly woke up from a series of strange dreams.
In one dream, I am camping with these people and for some reason, it is the plan that they are gonna leave me alone at the camp site while they go off for some reason for 5 days...and I am protesting...
In another part of the dream I am at this really bizarre brightly painted folk art compound that is very crowded and built like a maze and has a swimming pool There is this very strange concrete bathroom that has stalls that are painted all strangely with a really bizarre theme...but there are no toilets in the stalls..the toilets are on the outside of the stalls and are more like a row of round concrete cylinders of varying dimensions. While I am sitting on the toilet, a strange little old woman comes in and talks to me about the art theme...apparently, she is the artist. The theme is on an adult nature(People too ugly to ----), but I can't really see the details clearly...oh yeah...detail I recall from later..inside the toilet stalls instead of toilets, there are funhouse mirrors...also there is a sort of trough in front of the row of toilet pits where one can plug in their cell phone....
The dream ends when I get a call from my dad saying that Amy Goodman form Democracy Now has died....and I freak out because in the dream, only the week before I had had a premonition about her...He tells me that Juan Gonzales was taking over....then I wake up....Now I have to go check and make sure that Amy Goodman is not dead....
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posted at 08:45 pm on 08-18-2009
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I am part of a test group to try out a supplement that is supposed to help AS
posted at 08:45 pm on 08-18-2009
I have been doing interviews with Rudy Simone and I will use this blog post here to document my progress while taking the Amrit pills
Today is Tuesday the 8/18 First day of taking the supplement
Today I am constipated
Mood: relatively stable/somewhat upbeat...but physically fatigued..
Actually stamina relatively decent...considering....
Shortly before midnight got very stimmy and flappy...at the grocery store.
Am experiencing lower abdominal discomfort...at 1:48 a.m....just took "bedtime" dose.
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posted at 04:06 pm on 08-10-2009
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Monday....the aftermath....
posted at 04:06 pm on 08-10-2009
First, a list of things to do...
Today is it my job to stay home and clean the entire place.
1. finish cleaning the entire front area....including bathrooms, recycling, bar area, art gallery, floors in general...etc....I could break it down into a more itemized list if I wanted to...but I will try to handle it without doing that
2. back area...kitchen...the dishes are stacked to the ceiling again....there is standing water from our dysfunctional AC all over the floor...the cat boxes....the bathrooms...one of the toilets is not flushing properly.
I need to put all the different shampoos and stuff we use into some plastic tub because every time we empty the AC drain bucket, everything gets dashed with water and swirls all around....Need to have the area looking semi-decent in time for when the actors show up later on today.
3. I sorta have my own bedroom now...and I need to do some stuff with that room a bit. I am trying to work on soundproofing since it has an open ceiling and I can hear every tiny noise within a mile, which can make it hard to sleep.
4. bah....losing train of thought....the whole place is a stingking mess after the crazy messy weekend..
I have been on very bad terms with my main partner and I was very evil and called him all sorts of bad names...and now I am harly on speaking terms with him because I was upset over the chaos and lack of planning that caused there to be three seperate events stacked on top of one-another over the weekend. On saturday, there was the play...and then several musical acts...On sunday, a small group of us had to leave the festival early to open the doors early....for a huge caravan of travelling bands, and the locals who were on the bill did not show up...all sorts of dumbness and misunderstanding occurred....and when Flakey came home he was all yelly and demandy and pissed off because I had been mean to him on the phone...and I have been feeling sad and resentful..and just downright evil. Interracting him has a tendency to raise my stress level because he is usually needing me to do stuff...he is a boss--through and through...
Also, earlieryesterday, Flakey sent me and my (very ASish) other partner out to make copies, and he wanted to stop by his place to pick up some rain gear and stuff....but when we got there, it was realized that he did not have his keys....so he had a meltdown...and it is scary to be riding in the car with him when he is having a meltdown...at one point he almost turned the car into oncoming traffic...
He does a lot of the sorts of things that I would do...for instance...blaming me for not making sure that he had his keys....etc...and he can be very verbally abusive and irrational...and hard on himself and on whoever else is around.....I can't really get mad at him for this kind of stuff because I can do the same thing.....We got through it ok..and he ended up having fun later...the best part for him was when he put on my pink crinoline and danced all over the place. Wearing the pink tutu also attracted the attention of many females and he wound up having lots of pictures taken with them and many were quite flirtatious...which made him feel good...maybe now he might be recognised by one of them somewhere else and could make some sort of progress with them...He laments that it takes prancing around in a tutu to get any girl to notice him at all...(besides me)....I joked that he would now have to quit me and go around in a tu-tu..picking up "real" girls....
I would muster a more descriptive recap of the weekend...and maybe I will later...but not in this blog....
now I have to get back to cleaning.....
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posted at 12:27 am on 08-08-2009
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Bracing self for big outdoor festival tomorrow...
posted at 12:27 am on 08-08-2009
Right now I am in the back...waiting for screens to dry so I can burn them....
Flakey's other girlfriend is working the bar....she is spending the night...so I am sleeping in my little green room...which is in shambles because screen printing stuff is everywhere.
It is always insisted that I don't have to sleep in there, but I don't mind it...and I am not into the idea of sleeping in the same bed with them...It just does not appeal to me.
I also don't expect her to sleep on the couch.
She is really chatty and bubbly, and is generally more charismatic than I am..she was born when I was in Jr. High...I feel really flat and solemn...sort of like a shadow-entity right now.....She is really good at chatting everyone up.
Right now I feel sort of invisible...not that I mind except whe I need
Um...We are supposed to have a puppet booth at a big outdoor festival tomorrow...but we are hardly prepared for it...then we have to leave early, and go back to SHFL in time to be open for a play that is scheduled...doors are at 7..and afterwards are more bands...and we have to be up again early enough to be at the fairgrounds by 9.
Tonight was the opening night for the play...and we were running really late getting back home after work....and the AC's had not been turned on, and the mess from the night before had not been cleaned up...so it was a frantic scramble...and then I spent the evening underfoot (of the actors who were hanging out back stage)....pacing back and forth to get my screen materials ready for the burning of the t-shirts...it took me a really long time just to get a little bit of work done because I was overwhelmed and had to scrounge up all the different materials....but I finally got two seperate screens treated and into the drying box...They should be ready shortly...though I have lost track of time....and really, the longer they are in there the better......and I need to figure out the best way to rig my photo flood light.
Lately, I have been using my rebounder (mini trampoline)..which has a support-bar that I can hang the light from....but I really need to measure the distance and calculate the time it will take for the screen to burn...since my last attempt at a screen came out under-exposed and lately that has been happening with a lot of screens. When screens are underexposed, the images just wash right out...wholly, or partially...and then I have to do the whole process over again.
Right now it is 11:14 p.m.
We have to be at the fairgrounds at 9 a.m.
I have to
1. measure my height..in order to calculate burning time
2. burn the screens
3. rinse the screens out
4. screen t-shirts
(side note: as I am writing this, I really need to be gathering the shirts I am gonna screen..but this blog is just an exercise in organizing my thoughts)
5.um....uh...GAH!! Puppets!!!!:*( we have a few ready-made puppets...and Puppetrina....but I am actually expected to MAKE puppets by tomorrow...in theory, we are to have a d.i.y. puppet-making booth, but noone was able to tell me whether or not we would have electricity....for such things as a hot glue gun and whatnot.
6 1/2. Clean whole place to have ready for play and bands tomorrow evening...
6. Sleep...wake up....shower....squeeze self into costume....
7...Be at festival by 9 am
8...Be festive and jolly while getting sunburnt for several hours.......
9. blarrgh.....
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posted at 01:51 pm on 07-31-2009
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Depressed
posted at 01:51 pm on 07-31-2009
I hardly have the stamina to string a couple of sentences together...
I have been overwhelmed and depressed...Went to the head doctor yesterday...had a long interview where I had to bring up stuff from my childhood that left me feeling really frazzled and raw....
I was given a script for Welbutrin but I couldn't afford to pick it up.
I already have a bottle of the stuff that was given to me some time ago...I took one of those but I don't feel anything.
My eyes are all puffy from crying last night..I feel generally unmotivated
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posted at 08:08 am on 04-13-2009
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dream post
posted at 08:08 am on 04-13-2009
I dream that somehow, my dad is an ox, and somone has ordered oxtail soup..so he orders me to kill him and make the oxtail soup. He suggests that first I cut off his tail, and then bludgeon him in the head with the tail in order to do him in...(which is ridiculous in it's self) It is only when I am rather beyond the point of no return and have already cut off the tail and hit him in the head with it that I realize what I am doing and that it is wrong....and that no way am I gonna sacrifice my dad..the ox...just because someone has ordered oxtail soup...and I get upset and lose my nerve..but it is already somewhat too late.
Another dream...My friend and I are going to meet up at a ukulele festival...and for some reason we both have to wear disguises. I get to the bus stop and there is this whole group of beautiful-talented-well-rounded (nt) girls who have a ukulele band together..they are going to the same festival. We are all getting on the same bus. Somehow, I manage to lose my bus fare once I am already on the bus. It has been knocked out of my hand and into the street...frantically, I have to ask the girls to help me out with my dollar fare..and convince them that I really did lose my dollar and am not trying to scam them. They give me the dollar after some persuading...but only moments later, for some reason we are made to get off the bus and go back to the same bus stop. (also there is some embarasment that I am forced to remove my disguise, but I don't remember what the point of the disguise was in the first place or why I had to remove it..and don;t know how it fit in the chronology of the dream)...I decide to go and find my dollar in the street, either to give it back to them...or to show them that I was not making it up that my dollar had flown out of my hand. I am back on the sidewalk hunting down my dollar...the pavement is very weird and elevated, and the street is very far away. I don't remember falling, but somehow I manage to find myself down a sort of manhole that is right next to the bus stop. It is somewhat shallow...instead of being like a sewer or something it is more like a lit utility room with a very low ceiling and lots of shelves and things. I have a difficult time getting out of it. My head and shoulders are up out of the ground...that is how shallow it is...I am partially exploring the weird little room, and partially trying to get out. A girl comes along and remarks that there is a dollar in the street...I call to her and tell her that it is my dollar....Then while I am trying to climb out of the pit, a police man comes into the pit through another manhole, a ways down the tunnel and pulls his gun on me. i am in trouble for trespassing in the tunnel...I am in a muddle trying to explain myself to him when I wake up.
the end.
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posted at 01:32 am on 04-03-2009
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feeling mparticularly mental...
posted at 01:32 am on 04-03-2009
weepy and weird....
um...hard to describe....
had a dream last night where my partner and I broke up once and for all..and i had no romantic partners and moved into a rooming house where there was this big communal garden in the back.
It was close to the fall and we were planting fall vegetables.
Right now the local drunk artist girl is on stage singing.
I almost had a meltdown this afternoon..over something I don't feel like going in to ....
Have beed feeling kinda overwhelmed lately.
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posted at 07:47 am on 03-25-2009
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Woke up from crazy dream...
posted at 07:47 am on 03-25-2009
just woke up from long crazy dream jam packed with stuff...I am trying to get to my friend's house...There is an acquaintance who more-or less steals my car...There is a whole other part of the dream that I forgot...It involved people at a meeting dressing in costumes that were evil versions of disney characters....but the costumes got progressively more and more evil..
For some reason I have a key to the CVS drug store down the street...I am supposed to do something there...I get there and someone I know is looting the place....the door is wide open...he acts like he is supposed to be there...For some reason, I told him I had the key and he is very demanding of it...He says it could be a valuable commodity....he makes me go back to the car and get the key...oh yeah...i drive in this dream...not very well--out of control..there is chaos and pandemonium everywhere...
juat as I am out in the car...can't find the key because it has broken off it's little plastic part..the parking lot is crowded with people....I have the guy yelling at me outside the car...the street is flooded first by big white prison busses that spin out to try to corale a flood of escaping prisoners all dressed in bright white uniforms. They are dashing down the street and flooding through the kroger parking lot..and I notice that some of them are girls and are dressed more like majorettes in a parade...and actually there is music playing....kinda parade music....
So I call my friend again to try and tell him what is going on...(I Have already told him once...)and that total chaos has broken out and that I am gonna be late getting to his house...He immediately answers asks me if I am the girl who stops and eats a hot dog every day across from the whole foods. I tell him about the mass prison break, and he says that it sounds really cool but he is preoccupied. I ask him more questions about the girl he thought I was when he answered the phone...and he says that she is "just a girl"
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dual subject: a bit of drama//Self discipline is so tiring
posted at 04:01 am on 03-14-2009
first the boring stuff...
There are so many tedious little things to tend to!!!
I am still trudging away with the Lon Chaney sock monkey...ridiculously behind schedule...I have already started over on the entire monkey once...now i have the face on...i am sewing the hair on one bit at a time..this shaggy yarn I found...um...the shirt is made..the cape is made...i have started over on some other parts of the costume...too tired to elaborate further...I still have a long way to go..I was hopefully supposed to have it in the mail today...no such luck....
I am supposed to stay on top of the cleaning..and do things like do the dishes several times a day...keep the recycling tended to...I am washing out all my cans to use for can dolls...Every night that we have a show I tally up the bottle caps and dump them into a fish bowl.
I have had a mind to document the events of each show with comics, but the most I have been able to pull off is some doodling.
I am playing a show tomorrow. The day after that there is a wedding I am to attend and perform at...I will need to get my costumes together for these days. I think I need to possibly buy a new wig...It is gonna rain on the day of the putdoor wedding..with the bicycle procession. It is gonna rain and be cold.
There is a store that placed an order...and i was not able to fill the order because we were out of most of the things they ordered...but good old me...I did not call them to tell them this. Now they are mad.
um...
There is a long list of songs that people have requested me to perform on Youtube...I will need to compile the list and go down it and record all songs requested...I should not have let it pile up so much..
I still have several sock monkeys that I need to give to people who have helped us out, and THEN i need to have some to put on display and possibly try to sell...oh goodness....
I still need to unpack my raggedies and figure out where I am going to display them.
I keep monkeying with my most recent disasterous t-shirt screen. I got some screen filler the other day and have been trying to clean up the image, as it is too dark. No matter what I do, it is still messy, and some of the numbers and letters are backwards...it looks sorta indy-punk-rock...but in a very messy way.
rawwr....so tired....
oh yeah drama...there was a hip-hop show tonight...pleasant enough..my stress level was low...then there was a big fight...with guys threatening each other with knives and guns and one guy in a jeep crashed into the other guy's open car door on purpose....big mess...angry people jumping around..police called....ugly scene.....I was not able to feel anything about it...it just didn't seem real.
We didn't get in trouble..but I am concerned as this is only our 3rd show...there is lots of potential for things to be worse.
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Feeling slightly NT(?) this morning
posted at 11:49 am on 03-08-2009
Feeling somewhat euphoricly not-fatigued and completely overwhelmed this morning....how-you-say-functional....am only just shy of a hangover...I had to drink to deal with the people. Last night we had our grand re-opening....
My friend got REALLY drunk....and i fought to get him to stay and crash but he rode his bike off in the middle of a mood swing and then wouldn't answer the phone later when I called....he had been drinking and he had not eaten today. I worry about him. He is severely underweight, and now he says he is vegan again....which reaches the point of eating disorder... His blood sugar will do weird things and he will have these meltdowns where his mood will turn on a dime...I spoke to him this morning and he made it home safe and sound, though his furniture is in dissarray....he wondered why I didn't stop him and get him to stay...but I tried to stop him..in the middle of trying to tend bar and getting refereed by Flakey not to have a scene out in public with my other boyfriend.....though no one was paying attention...
I...have an idea for displays that I will put up at places to hold our calendars. I will make them out of recycled beer boxes that I will spray paint and decorate.
But first I have a million other things to do...Dishes...clean bar...clean out both fridges....um...clean bathrooms...wrangle trash....Finish stinking sock monkey....Rawwr.....
Maybe I will work for a while on something artistic and enjoyable before getting on with the grudge work....
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need to focus today...list of things to do:
posted at 11:19 am on 02-26-2009
1. Get off stinking computer
2. make coffee
3. Gather up stuff for friend
3. Collect musics for open mic and other musics I need to practice today
4. seriously bathe
5. um...Work on custom monkey that is due
6. exercise
7. go to work.
8. clean office
9. fix flat tire
10. Be sure to always have fix-a-flat supplies with me at all times in the future
11. Return stinking netflicks movies...several days after I was supposed to
but first..the coffee....
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an old post from an old thread posted here for archival purposes.
posted at 01:48 pm on 02-16-2009
Almost 7 years ago, I took a bus to Mexico and hitchhiked across Central Mexico with a good friend/ex-boyfriend.....(my only time leaving the country)...(I met up with him there..he had been living there for several months..)
Anywhoo....um.....We stayed for much of the time in Guanajuato, which is pretty close, I am sure to the geographic center of Mexico. Seemingly in the middle of the city there is a mountain called the Bufa and for some reason there was some sort of festival going on where everyone was climbing the Bufa all at once...some sorta pilgrimage...there were all these concessions and whatnot set up at the base...So gruelingly, we climb the Bufa, and stay in this cave that is off the beaten path....the cave has 3 chambers...the mouth, an upper chamber and a lower chamber...There is alot of old graffitti on the roof of the mouth...On the first night, we stay in the upper chamber...very barren and dusty and kinda creepy...I keep hearing the flapping sounds of bats, even though my friend insists that we would hear squeaky noises if there were bats....we did come across a large lizard. It was a sort of intense feeling...of "feeling" the energy of the cave...hard to explain...
The next day we spend on the side of the mountain...across the valley you could see the tiny specks of a herd of goats grazing one way and then back again.....To wander down from the cave and look up at it, it is obvious that the cave eerily resembles a skull...There are cactuses growing out of pits that make the eyes...a vague indentation of a nose, and the mouth of the skull is the mouth of the cave.
The next night we decide to sleep in the mouth of the cave...anywhoo...in the middle of the night..or wee hours of early morning....we are awakened by the loud sound of hoofbeats....
It is a herd of free roaming cattle that is invading our camp site.
Wearing only our skivvies and with only time to grab our one ratty blanket (we left the fancy sleeping bag on the ground)....we run for our lives and lay on the side of the mountain listening in horror to the sounds of wild cattle laying waste to our little camp site. They ate all our food....they destroyed my friend's mess kit...they tromped all over everything....seemingly deliberately destructive. We shivered on the side of the mountain with my ratty little blanket for hours, and the cattle would not leave....these were big, aggressive, sharp-horned beasts....bulls and cows....not to be messed with....After destroying all of our belongings, they lay down for a snooze.....The sun was pretty high in the sky the next day....like 11:00..before they left....and then we had just enough time to assess the complete damage and grab what tattered things we could grab before the cows came back. All my friend was wearing was a really short pair pink shorts of mine (i wear them under skirts) and a t-shirt....His other clothes were trampled into the cow poo..There was a cow turd on my sketch book that completely covered it....
So we have to climb back down the mountain all in tatters....reeking of cow dung from what few posessions we manage to salvage....and we get back to the house where he was staying with a friend...to find that we are not allowed to stay there anymore.... I forget what happened after that....that might have been around the time we took off hitchhiking.....He is/was alot more social and wreckless than me....he also has fluent command of Spanish....Very good at schmoozing with people and getting places to stay and whatnot...
There was all kinds of other stuff that happened on that trip, but the attack cattle really sorta stand out
I still have the blanket and the pink shorts. The guy is still my friend. He used to be my roommate and play in my band.
I recall that after the fisaco with the cows we kept asking people what they would have doen in our position to get the cows to leave our cave....The most sensible answer we kept getting was to wave a flaming branch at them to scare them away...if only we had thought of that Wink
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Time to make the doughnuts....
posted at 01:34 pm on 12-26-2008
The day after Christmas...Everyone is sorta collapsed in exhaustion. My band plays a show tomorrow...um..The plans were approved for Super Happy Fun Land, and our inspection is on Jan 5th..this means we have to go into full swing on working to get the place together, but for now, everyone is snoring in their beds. Everyone consists of Flakey, Louie our Handyman who lives on a bus in the back parking lot, and our friend Steve, who crashes over here alot. I am really overwhealmed..there is a whole lot of work that needs to be done, but currently i am in inertia mode myself...hanging out on the internet... I need to do the dishes and alot o basic cleaning...i need to go through all of our gifts and put them someplace, and stow away all the gift bags for the next time that we need gift bags...and oh...clean up my gift wrapping mess....and hundreds of other little things...and also..there is work at the office..Flakey is trying to get his ex-partner to go in and take care of it..since there aren't many orders..But I need to be prepared to go into the office if she is unable to do it,,she is probably in inertia mode herself..oh...and i should probably check the orders again..and the phone messages...and....eeeee....and then we don't have much money right now..and i also need to be thinking of ways to make more money...put sock monkeys and screen printed stuff up for sale..and the massive massive massive organizing before the inspection...rrrrrawwr...ansd then after we pass the inspection..we will be open...and that is another whole can o worms...
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just woke up from a long dream
posted at 12:05 pm on 12-22-2008
Crazy labrynth of a dream..there was a old stone factory...there was a thrift store...there was a giant acoustic guitar, supposedly from the 80's called the behemoth..or something...I kept trying to play it but I could not fret a d-minor chord...Someone else in the dream ended up buying it.
There was a school..and I was a student there..and there was something very relaxed and liberal about the school..a sense of comfort and ease..There was something about..ummm...
There was the complex of really interesting and artsy venues..there was a young version of a lady I know henging around. She was on her bicycle...oh..
She came over for a visit to my warehouse. I was embarased because all our lights were on..I had to run and down the hallway and turn them all off...There was a statue of the bust of some anarchist from the past in the library, and she started telling me all about him and how he got his start..
There were all these visions of really fancy floats and each one had a message, and they seemed to alternate between extremely left-wing-political..and anti-abortion messages...so that was odd..I am only able to list the datials without putting them into any chronological context..I am lucky enough just to get that, because the memory of the dream started to evaporate as soon as I woke up...
At the old factory...(the name Monsanto kept coming up..but it was certainly not the real Monsanto..)...the business was in some sort of dire straits, but the father
and son owners were very happy..at one point all the employees stood out front, and they showed up in two different limos..then the son got into the father's limo...The limos were very shiny and modernistic..head fuzzy..must go back to bed...
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a wee explosion....
posted at 12:23 pm on 12-20-2008
Am trying to keep self from melting down after coming outside to find one of my good antigue quilts withered and ragged hanging over the front of our handyman's bus....and I yelled...and now I am feeling really ashamed of myself...and I want to hide...and I feel rotten about what happened to the quilt..and for some reason I can't help but not believe his story about what happened to it....
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Need to start sewing...
posted at 05:00 am on 12-13-2008
I have been procrastinating so badly...and I have so many things to sew! I am not doing x-mas shopping this year really..I am just making things for people, and i have not started yet and now it is getting down to crunch time and I am having to force myself to focus on this thing that used to be one of my major obsessions...
I have having a wee bit of anxiety....full moon stuff maybe..but nothing too terribly awful...
I am irrationally worriend about some of my friends. I went to see a play tonight, and an old friend of mine was playing drums, and he just looked horrible....and sure enough he left the set and had someone else take over.
He is looking pale and thin....
I am worried about my very good friend, because I always worry about him...on his bike...full moon...I meant to call him to make sure he got home ok..and I called once but it was too soon..and then I didn't call again, so I am gonna call him in the morning if I get up early enough...
Annoyed at myself for doting so much...
I am gonna get off the computer and go back to my sewing and hopefully get some sleep...
I have been spending way too mcuh timehere as usual...
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Dream I had..
posted at 02:06 pm on 12-12-2008
I had a dream that i was in a room filled with kids with developmental disorders and their parents...and the children were all very oddly shaped in a sorta real-but cartoonish sort of way....and I was playing with some of the children...I struck up a conversation with one of the moms who looked alot older than me and was really tall...all of the parents were...I had been playing with her son...I struck up a conversation with her about her son..i forget the topic..and I said that I was also on the spectrum and that I was 33...and she said that she was 36...and I said..friendly-ly "Good! That means that we're in the same age group!"...but she towered above me and was formally dressed and had lines in her face and I was closer to the ground...not much taller than her son...
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bad cranky melty day
posted at 12:18 am on 12-12-2008
My day started out pretty well. I had plans to go out with my parents, and Flakey was waffling between whether or not he wanted to go..and then he remembered at the last moment that I had a meeting at 3:00 with these merchant services people..which would totally cut into my family outing ritual thing, and the act of him sorta springing it on me really suddenly put me into a sorta slow-melt mood..that I could not snap out of for the rest of the day...so I ran out of the house and left with my parents without him, and he kept going on and on about how I had to attend this meeting for the sake of our business...and I would have nothing of it because I was not prepared for it...and he came and collected me from the Indian restauraunt, where I was eating with my parents..and I made plans to go out with them after the meeting..but I was so stressed and in such a bad mood, that my digestion shut down, and after I got to work, I ended up throwing up my lunch and collapsing on the couch to wait for the merchant services people who didn't even show up...and even though it was irrational for me to be angry at Flakey for the Mercahnt Services people not showing up, I was anyway..because my whole mood was totally wrecked..and I could not feel normal again for several hours....and even then it was only temporary, because I still feel bad...and resentful...that I was not prepared in advance for this meeting that didn't even happen...and totally upset me and stressed me out...so that I got sick..and my head felt like a big dark angry cloud...when before..iw as in a pretty decent mood....but it is a full moon...and I just started the rag (over a week early)...so I guess somethign was just waiting to totally wreck me anyway...
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circles and circles and circles
posted at 11:30 am on 12-11-2008
Stuck on the computer again..going over the same stuff over and over..and when I go away...it is only momentarilly before I come back and hop on the computer again..only to look at the exact same stuff...this is my morning ritual....it is very lame.
I am reading "A Curious Incident..." because I found it last night at the thrift store. I like it alot.
I also found...lets see....an odd purple courderoy velvet skirt....a sock moose....another wool army shirt like one I already have....my very good friend's obsession is army surplus and I have been copycatting him....Mostof the stuff I find is for him...with a few acceptions
oh yeah...a pair of army pants which I actually plan to keep for myself...
A simple black cotton dress that I think I will wear today..
yes...I definitely will...
I need to break my dumb cycle...I need to clean out the car and get my bike out...I need to um....
take a movie back to the store...
step one...put on shoes...step 2 put on wool shirt....
Yesterday's thrift store trip yielded a raggedy anne pillow doll...for my raggedy anne collection....
a very nice quilt...
that's all I can remember...
I go out with my folks today...we have fallen out of the weekly ritual because ummmm.....
My dad's work schedule changed...what with the economy and all...
I have a million things to get started on...
This weekend we go see the Flaming Lips X-mas on Mars
I am excited.
Yesterday it snowed. Here, it only snows once every 5 years or so....
That was neat...we made tiny snowmen and had snowball fights...and whatnot...
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posted at 06:33 pm on 12-04-2008
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Self medicating
posted at 06:33 pm on 12-04-2008
I find that combining one sudafed, two diet pills and a cup of coffee feels remarkably like a low dose of Adderall...
I try not to do this every day, but it keeps me from getting too spaced out and overwhealmed while at the office.
I still wander off task, but manage to sterr myself alot better than I would otherwise.
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another alcohol-related meltdown
posted at 10:15 am on 11-30-2008
We were at a party. I was acquainted with half the people there. I floated through the event with relative ease. It did not seem like I had that much to drink, but at the end of the night I had a explosion-style meltdown in the car with Flakey, and i forget why.
I have selt sorta crappy all day
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seeking motivation
posted at 10:41 am on 10-05-2008
ahhhh...I have been awake for over an hour now...but too groggy to start the day...really really really have to spend the day cleaning the whole house...but cannot shake the fog from my brain. it is awful..there is so much for me to do..in part becasue I was was supposed to do part of waht I am supposed to do today, but have lacked the motivation...
It would be too tedious to make a list here of all that I need to do.
and everytime I get off the computer, I have overwhealming urge to go back to bed...and every time I get up...all I can do is go back to computer...I took over counter diet aid...just for the caffiene...but it has not kicked in yet...feel like I should take more....
oh....rawwwr!!!!
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going in for some sort of assesment next tuesday!
posted at 09:23 pm on 10-03-2008
Was monkeying around on the internet this afternoon, and i found a place that will give free assesments...called FOCUS initiative...and I called them and I will get a free assesment on tuesday at 10;00 a.m.
I am sort of excited...though I don't know alot about this group....
at least I am makeing an effort....
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aaaaahhh!! back to normal...
posted at 04:19 am on 09-30-2008
3 a.m. kitten has spent last hour tryiing to rip my face off in my sleep...and that is why I am awake.
um..
just got back from Austin....spent entire trip sewing sock creatures....and street busked on Sat. night with Flakey...we made upwards of 50 dollars...
um...
went to thrifty store...found neato vintage stuffed dog...vintage homemade baby blanket.....buncha wool sweaters that i will try to felt...and use the felted material to make plush creatures..
a pair of teva sandals that are a size 4 that fit me....Yikes...I can wear a size 4...if they are wide enough....I am thingking that as I get older my feet seem to be shrinking.
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Electricity back on!
posted at 08:14 am on 09-25-2008
yay!
The Super Happy Fun land has power again...but ooooh...so much work to do!
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different things....
posted at 06:34 am on 09-08-2008
On Friday night we drove to Galveston to watch a couple of bands that used to play at the old Super Happy Fun Land. I was told by a complete stranger of an incident that I did not recall where somebody said they liked my dress and so I gave it to them...I do this all the time, and do not remember the specific incident he was referring to.
We left early and hunted down lodgings. There was a place with supposed 35 dollar rooms but it was a total stink hole. Then there was a place with 50 dollar rooms and it was not much better....so we went down the road and stayed at the motel 6 and watched cable.
The next day, we did not go to the beach or the strand..we drove around for hours while Flakey photographed apartment complexes for his job. I was very groggy and spent most of the day in semi nap mode. We spent 8 hours in the car and when we got out of the car and ate at a new fancy location of 888 chinese bistro...one of our favorite restauraunts....i could not stop vibrating.
When we got home, the kitten would not stop shrieking and there was a proliferation of poo on the floor...despite her nice clean cat box...and on Sat night I was tormented so badly by the biting and scratching and incessant meeewww mmeeewww, that I went and slept in the other room...till Flakey woke up and had me come back to bed...we shut the kitten out of the bedroom...and she would not stop her frantic meeeeeeews......Which Flakey tried to drown out with the White Noise Generator....The morale of the other cats is very low. Hatey has been in hiding since the new arrival. For a while I was worried that maybe she had gotten out and run away...But she comes out late at night to poop on the floor and whatnots...as a statement of protest.
On Sunday, we went to a pool party for Flakey's niece Amanda's 7th birthday. I brought my ukulele to keep myself entertained...These parties are very draining and I have very little in common with anyone there. I may gave trouble reading people...but I seem adept enough to pick up cetain levels of passive aggression...unless it is just in my head..Me and Flakey are the weirdo Aunt and uncle. I would hate to live out there in the suburbs...I hope I never have to.
We got kinda drunk after the party at Flakey's parents bar. I struggled uncomfortably with small talk with Flakeys very drunk mom. Hitchiker's Guide the Movie was on as the Channel 20 afternoon movie..and that was suprising to me.
When we got home, I passed out and woke up at 1 a.m. and spent the evening watching a fluff straight to dvd christina ricci movie and cleaning the house. The kitten seems to be in better spirits and hopefully that will continue.
I keep trying to explain over and over again that good kittens know when to stop mewing. She was probably just upset that we were gone for 24 hours. Also I cleaned up the cat poo and put her litter box in the corner where she had been pooping on the floor...and now she uses it.
It is 5:30 a.m. and there is alot of stuff that I need to do that I will be unable to do unless I get some sleep.
The last thing I need is to completely muck up my sleep schedule.
I will make a partial list of things to do:
the dishes
fill the water jugs
take monkey into the office for lady who wants to but a monkey
put clothes on other monkey that is going to second cousin
set up sewing area again..so I can start my holiday sewing...
gather laundry
consolidate stuff we are getting rid of
clean hot front part of warehouse
rawwr....
do home-computer work...
go to other work
inflate bike tires and oil chain
put batteries in the expensive back light and mount on bike
work on musics...
blah...
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Rawwwr!!!....a KITTEN...8*(
posted at 10:11 am on 09-04-2008
Mr. Flakey...only somewhat unexpectedly brought home a calico kitten last night...from a batch of kittens that his friendy friend had aquired...So now I have something to chase around in order to keep out of trouble when i am trying to concentrate on stuff...and um...something to scratch me in my sleep....while emitting high pitched Meeeeeeeewings....something to wake me up in worriment every 5 minutes...because of the scratching or bitings or mewings or fear of crushing.....something to make the other cats freak out...and cause them to hiss in the wee hours...so that I have to wake up and fret about where the kitten is.....
I may sound evil and cruel, but i don't need a stinking kitten right now. I have enough to wory about...
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ow..ow...ow...torture boots
posted at 05:29 pm on 08-19-2008
I found two pair of really nice..possibly vintage Doc Martens boots at a thrift store...hardly worn....both my size..4..one pair...swirly deep turquoise and green with hints of blue and purple splotches....The other....18-hole lime green docs.....not quite my style...but very cool looking...and maybe they would go well with my costume...
The catch is that they really really really hurt my feet....ow ow owwy ow.....it is raining today and I thought I would wear something more substantial than the crocs I wear all the time (of which I have 5 pair),,,so i tried out the pretty swirly boots......it did not take long for them to slice into my heel and now I have a big blister...and the only way I can walk around in them is if I go up on my toes, so as to prevent the backs of the boots from rubbing into my heels.
People keep telling me I just need to break them in.....but I dunnow....I don't know why Docs have such a reputation for being comfortable. I have yet to meet the pair of boots that did not torture me.
I used to occasionally slog around in docs slip-on sandals...but they are very heavy and I tend to shuffle my feet in them...(had a lady yell at me at the post office once for shuffling my feet)...
Anyway....I guess I could continue to try to break them in...or I could sell them...or I could give them to somebody.....
dunnow....
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Last day of being 32
posted at 10:45 am on 08-19-2008
Tomorrow I turn 33...
My birthday resolution is to become a better housekeeper.
Everytime I accidentally knock something over, I must pick it up. everytime everytime everytime......
I wonder how many times i have made this resolution....
I will set the alrm for very early every morning and spend all morning cleaning.
I also needs to exercise more to make up for my 33-year-old metabolism...
but I still act like I am 12.
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serious mental troubles..
posted at 05:35 pm on 08-08-2008
The summer seems to have me at a boiling point. Me and Flakey are not getting along...I have been stubborn, mean obstinate, absent minded, cloudy headed, bedraggled, teary, cranky, and outright negative.
The house is an impossible heap of a mess...and it is so...hot hot hot....
Things always seem to get particularly bad before my birthday.
This giant concrete fortress with no natural light that I am living in is driving me insane...I guess it is better than a tiny apartment with several picture windows and a loft over the bed.....but the grass is always greener....
I just want to be myself...make music, make art, have as little negative impact upon the world as possible...and....oh well....
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first blog in a long time..today's topic: Head Lice!!!
posted at 08:58 am on 08-07-2008
i tend to have a bunch of blogs all over the place...this one is # 4...but I tend to really only focus on one particular blog at a time...I stopped habitually posting on my arts houston blog...I have not used my myspace blog in a while....I have made a few short posts in my tribe blog, that I use almost exclusively as a dream log...have not been having too many memorable dreams...
um...
lets see...what shall I talk about....
I have a scab on my leg that just started....nah.....too gross...but it is one o my worst knee skinnings in recent memory....toppled over on the the uneven edge of a walkway..bike and all...really annoying because i always feel it when I walk....and people keep touching it accidentally...
I believe I have less than ten days to make ready for my birthday party....which will be a leo party for all leos..I have it every year...it can be a stressful nightmare but it is all in the name of tradition.....really need to get working on that...a.s.a.p.....all kindsa stuff....yikes....really....
um....um....uh....Got two new raggedies....miniature...matched set....now I maybe have 72?...not sure....maybe it is 73...ok...time for a recount!!
I was supposed to play a show tonight, but it got cancelled....I was gonna do a Poopy Set and an Annoysters set....but nope....still that gives me more time to do all the other stuff I need to do....all of which I have very little motivation for....bah...
list of things to do
Gather up all the laundry...
I will be very frank here....
yesterday Flakey told me that he had headlice...and we are not sure where they came from, but I have a few theroies.....our electricity was cut off and we slept at the office of our small internet business...and one of the guys often sleeps on the love seat that Flakey dragged in off the street...and it would not be unfeasable that we got them from him....oh....the love seat....maybe that was the reason someone threw out a perfectly good love seat which was found by Flakey and dragged into the office 8*O......
so i have been franticly using every natural remedy I can find...this means a mixture of Neem oil, unfiltered coconut oil, garlic, rosemary oil, um....umm....I combed and combed and combed my hair for hours and hours while watching a few movies....one called Spiral..with a very ASish main character...another movie with a sorta compsite character that mixes AS traits with sociopathic and schizophrenic traits.....he was pretty good though..it was not the worst portrayal...
The other...the Battle of Algiers....about the Algerian liberation movement...That was really really great...and I have a good friend who has a fixation on all different variations of camouflage and so I could not help but be sorta fixated on the camoflage of the French Soldiers...(i am about to do a thread about copycat obessesions)
so ANYWAY....um....I combed and combed and combed for hours my hair with all these different oils and put two plastic bags on my head overnight...and woke up very early this mornign and combed and combed and combed again...
I have only found between 3 and 5 actual lice....only one or two that seemed like a full-grown adults.....but lots of nits...and flakeys infestation was apparently more substantial than mine....
The Neem makes my hair smell like exotic food....
It has been suggested to continue to mix Neem oil in the shampoo to prevent re-infestation.
I washed my hair this morning with Dr. Bronner's lavendar soap....I figured that would get rid of some of the oilyness...and also lavendar oil had been mentioned as an ingredient of many natural remedy suggestions...so I figured it couldn't hurt, aye?
My hair is still oily...have still been combing and combing and combing, and aside from a few nits, not much else, save for an occasional annoying itch....
....I have to make a solution of borax and hydrogen peroxide to spray on all surfaces that come into contact with our heads, like this computer chair I am sitting on...and I must wash all the bedding...and all the other laundry besides.....
so first...take up all bedding and pillow covers etc..etc..etc......spray everything down...with borax....hydrogen peroxide......will mix neem oil into that ...and rosemary oil....and and and.......really need to wash the futon cover.......oooooh.......
so much werk......need to wash all cushions at the office....rawwrrrr.....so annoying....
and there are lots of other things I have to do besides...
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3000 posts
posted at 04:23 pm on 04-10-2008
Trying to weeeen myself off WP...I made 3000 posts. Am gonna try to keep it like that.
I will still be lurking and reading...but maybe not being able to post will make me less inclined to do so..
am still depressed...feel really tired of myself and the way my brain processes amotions.
Am unpleasnt to be around right now...and I have to play a show tonight and am losing my voice.
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serious case of the blues
posted at 07:32 pm on 04-09-2008
have been having really bad boyfriend troubles.
Have been crying all day.
have to play a show tomorrow and one the day after tomorrow...can't relax to concentrate enough to work on the music.
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the real school.
posted at 10:23 pm on 04-03-2008
Um today i got a call from one of the women who is with The Real School..which is kinda sorta a collective of homeschoolers....they are talking about possibly using our space during the day because they might be forced to relocate....I am kinda excited!
I don't have kids, but I like kids and have a good repore with them...and i am really glad that there is the possibility of our place being used for something while we are shut down....we are in the process of hashing out the details.
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bloggity blog
posted at 04:07 am on 03-25-2008
Super Happy fun Land is temproarily shut down while we await our occupancy permit...this means we have no income whatsoever...more-or-less.....My family helps out....His old business partner put some money in the bank from his old business...what we really need to do is come up with a new business....one not as tedious and gut wrenching as the Sock Monkey business...otherwise....it is looming in the very near future that I will have to get a job....which is scary for me for a number of reasons that I will not go into.
I have attempted street busking a few times...there were a couple of times when I did not make it off my bike...meaning I dressed up in my costume, gathered up my ukulele....and things to sell..in the giant bag I fashioned crudely from a pair of vintage army pants....
rode all the way downtown on my bike with the intention to busk...but did not do in...turned back and went home.
At least I got my exercise....
Today I went downtown and made the flyer for the art auction we are having on Friday...
I have been feverishly sewing sock creatures for said art auction....to the point of having the upper back cramp.
tonight I had a change of plans on the giant Sockzilla I am working on and made it so that it could swallow smaller toys.
The kinda plain sock monkey i recently fully assembled, I am gonna have him smoking a cigarette...
I still wanna make some cute sock kitties...
I have a sock bunny that i intend on giving a plastic doll face...
add to that two very strange monkeys....
two topsy turvy bunnies
siamese twin bunnies
a cashmier rattlesnake
Flakey has one sock minion and a sock dog that he made.
i also have a sock unicorn in the works and a few other little things that I hope to get ready by Friday...
I found a really simple tote bag design on a sewing site called Burdastyle.com...I am thinking of whipping up a few of those....man...i have a serious deficient when it comes to understanding sewing instructions....it really sucks....I can visualise how the bag is supposed to be made....actually it is one of those things that I have been going over and over and over again in my mind....but of course it willnot come out exactly the way theirs do...hopefully if I have time tomorrow I will work on the bags....
I also need to practice my Poopy Lungstuffing set for Friday
annnd
well..I have way too many ideas in my head than I am remotely able to execute....bah....
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Eek! How do you fake it?
posted at 12:07 pm on 03-03-2008
People have come over to help...The inspectors are coming tomorrow.....and the prospect of interracting with them has me agitated....I have alot of anxiety in my chest.....How to go about not talking to thm without seeming rude?...For the sake of my own sanity, I guess I will have to seem rude....
There were alot of people just hangng out last night and the slightest bit of conversation took maximum effort....People would ask me simple questions and i would find myself completely stumped.
In contrast, on Saturday, I went to a wedding and I drank a bit and I was really loud and uninhibited somewhat social...(for me)....to the extent that I might have gotten frowns from some of the older more conservatively dressed peoples. It could have been a combination of my wacky dress, odd voice, and strange mannerisms...I got asked about 5 times if I made my dress.....I said....yes I did...I carved it out of a bigger dress.....it was originally a vintage 70's maxi dress that was longer than i am tall...I had cut the bottom off and made it into a large pocket and a headwrap.....
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crunch time
posted at 12:55 pm on 02-21-2008
we have been working around the clock to get our place up to code in the event thatbuilding inspectors come and visit today. our handyman has been working around the clock..I ended up crashing out this morning..and sleeping longer than i intended...as the night before I'd only slept 3 hours....I am glad the music just changed...though he is listening to it way too loud to keep him awake.....so it is sorta hard on me nomatter what...it just switched from metal to Carla Bozulitch..but the volume is at a level that messes with my ablilty to think....maybe I will put in ear plugs....the power tools have been getting to me too....
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lookie look!
posted at 05:28 am on 02-20-2008
http://blogs.houstonpress.com/rocks/2008/01/last_night_super_happy_fun_lan.php
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Alone in a blue wig..outside the Obama rally
posted at 11:16 pm on 02-19-2008
So tonight, Flakey says to me..you know..there are thousands of people right now in downtown Houston at the Obama rally....you should go busk..
(I have street busked in the past with my ukulele..I did it for several months in New Orleans a while back...)
So I put on my costume (corset, square dancing dress, blue wig, cheek dots giant bow)....and rode my bike downtown to um...busk....but my heart was not into it and my confidence was down....and even though I am voting for Obama...I just was not feeling anything..I could not PREtend to make eye contact with the people on the street....instead, I got made fun of and funny looks....I made $1.30 in an hour...and feeling slightly disgruntled and very much inside myself, I made my lonely way back home. and here I am.
One Obama-drunk middle-aged lady did dance around and made up a song about Obama to the music I was playing....and shouted..."Someone give her some money!"....(noone did).....
Um...the bootleg Obama t-shirt hawkers on the corner did much better...
Maybe if I had made all my songs up to be about Obama...maybe if I had been a little more prepared ....maybe if I had been drunk or on Happy pills...or had a big "GO OBAMA...YAY" sign....things woulda turned out better.
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trains trains and more trains
posted at 01:30 am on 02-19-2008
This is the first day on internet service at our new place. I will not talk about some of the disturbing difficulties we are having, because I am not supposed to....I can say that we don't have any money...but some nice people have vollunteered their time on loan....giving us discount rates and accepting payment later on.
We are working with two electricians. The one who spent several hours with us today has a metal plate in his head and always reminds us that he is a sicilian and also told us that we have a ghost....He has been very generous with his time and prices....which is good because as I said..we don't have any money.
We are right next to the railroad track and trains pass several times a day. Right now it seems to be "train rush hour" with a train passing about every 5 minutes or so..but there are long stretched where there aren't any trians...either that..or I am so used to the traisn that it just seems that way.
Tonight I destroyed dinner and am just about to elaborate upon it with a post in one of the forums...but I don't know which one...perhaps a poll in "random discussion"..to find out how many Aspies are lousy cooks, like me. I do not thing that Aspie-ness has anything to do with being a lousy cook...but I was having one of thise moments where I felt more retarded than anything else......maybe it will just be a discussion about cooking...I guess I will put it in "Random Discussion"
Several nights ago, this really weird red-headed girl came into Super Happy Fun Land.....she was very odd in the way she talked and carried herself, and seemed kinda sorta Aspie-like....She says she teaches 5th grade special ed in Passadena TX and lives just a block away from us...she brought in a piece of art that she said had been on her refrigerator and told us to hang it on the wall...(i moved it to the girls bathroom and started a "Girls bathroom art project"
We talked about this and that and she said she wanted to vollunteer and stuff....we even talked briefly about being "a little weird" ourselves...and the broad spectrum of students who encompass her special ed class
and then she was gone....and I have not seen her since...
Oh well....She gave me her number, but I am too shy to call her....and she knows we are just a block away....so I figure she'd come back if she wanted to....but interesting and neat idea to have a somewhat AS-ish seeming female-person my age living almost next door....on the other side of the railroad tracks....maybe she will come back sometime.
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Rainy rain..freezy brain...
posted at 01:18 am on 01-19-2008
For the last several days all human contact has been at a complete minimum...I am STILL trying to pack stuff..But I am so overwhealmed that it still moves at a snails pace.....and there is still so much stuff.....Our moving truck is scheduled for Sunday...There is so much stuff that it has not even occurred to me to pack. Unfortunately I am so socially reclusive that I would rather pace around and mess with this stuff myself than subject myself and others to the stress of having other people help out any more than they already have....
until the REAL moving begins...and that is when it will become increasingly evident at the last minute just how much was left undone....We simply have too much stuff..even though we are moving to a much larger building...the layers and layers are too much for anyone to handle. Flakey and Louie have been spending all their time at the new place....Every night is a mural painting frenzy......everybody wants to paint murals....I feel a little isolated and shut out....not that I wouldn't feel that way anyway...I am told there will be plenty of space for me to paint murals....but still....When i complain about how detached I feel from the whole moving process, I am reminded that I will have 5 years of living there and cleaning up after people....good point...I still have a hard time visualising what the place is going to look like on thursday for our first show.
I am making the first calendar for the new place...I sketched out the rough draft yesterday and am drawing out the final copy in free-hand sharpie on matt board....That way I can do something productive that does nto involve putting stuff in boxes....Every atom of my being rebels against packing.....Perhaps I will just stay up all night...maybe some crazy wave of inspiration will hit me at 3 or 4 in the morning...That way, i can sleep through part of the isolated dreary afternoon...
This will be my second night with Flakey crashing at the new place....and me sleeping with our cat Clawdia
It has been cold and raining for the past couple of days, and the rain has just started coming in in the area where it always floods. The new place gets water inside too...but not nearly as much, and it does not come in under the wall like it does here....It does come in through the ceiling of my art room...that sucks...that means that the drywall is all moldy...inevitably.....(frowny face)
um...um....um.....gads there are so many things I should be doing right now instead of typing on the computer...my feet are so cold......as are my fingers....
At least I have the calendar to work on.....so...I am not completely useless......
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woot! I found my hat!
posted at 04:25 pm on 01-09-2008
My hat that has gone missing for over a month finally showed up again! You must understand that I thought about the stinking hat every day.....just a hat....but my brain is wired to kinda obsess on small trivial things...it hasn't even been my favorite hat for very long....but still...yes every day I would think about it...several times....if only I could detach myself from material objects....The funny thing is...I sorta knew the vacinity where the hat was located.....I just could never bring myself to root through it till today....that is how clogged with stuff we are.
I also found my ring...the ring I have had since 3rd or 4th grade....yes it fit me even then.....I had stopped wearing it...my finger finally got too fat for it ...(and Flakey got me another ring that I don't wear anymore)
but I have my old ring's permenant indentation on my finger....after being tossed around quite a bit and finally semi-lost I found it in a pile of dust bunnies pennies and ponytail holders.
I put it back on.
I am finally slightly more able to focus on organizing stuff...Have been watching the movie Cold Mountain...
I started taking some new herbal supplements I got yesterday
one is called Schizandra Adrenal complex by planetary Herbals.
I use it to combat fatigue and whatnot...it has a buncha different Chinese herbs in it...the other is called Nerve Factors...valarian scullcap tyrosine etc....
but I take so many supplements it is impossible to tell what does what.
I am kinda liking my current combination though...the two additions seem nice
Omega Complex
DHEA
Theanine Serene
Schizandra adrenal complex
Nerve factors
Damiana
&
Women's Multi
I am all out of GABA...but it is in my theanine supplement
I am almost out of Holy Basil....so I cut back....till next week when I go to grocery store of horrors.
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need help packing
posted at 04:54 pm on 12-28-2007
My mind is soooooofuzzy..and it is up to me to organize and get rid of all this Super Happy Junk all by my lonesome. I am literally up to my eyeballs with no end in sight....yeeeeeeee.......
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Stupid insomnia!!
posted at 07:16 am on 12-10-2007
I have been up since 4 in the morning after some stupid prank callers woke my up by calling 6 times in total.
I have an awful MSG buzz from some baked Flaming-hot fritos that I was stupid enough to buy yesterday.
They are sooooo bad.....every time I eat them I say I will never do it again...and i always do...
I took some natural sleepy pills but they did nothing.
I cannot sleep..my brain won't stop....I am obsessing over salty snack food ....the taste in my mouth won't go away...and this evil glowing box keeps drawing me back to it.
I started new myspace music page for my music...now I just need to organise my music...there are alot of things I need to know how to do...convert digital recorder files into mp3's, for one.....Really I need a ton of help in general with learning how to record my stuff...
Yee gads....my brain is so spazzy from all the MSG...this is onl the tip of the iceburg...maybe I go take two more herbal sleepy pills...it is just valarian and passion flower and whatnot...i also came across a bottle of Calms Forte..that stuff is great. Now to see if my memory of where I last put the bottle is correct....
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freaking out over misplaced box
posted at 10:02 pm on 11-16-2007
have been freaking out over box with alot of art supplies and my whole library of ukulele sheet music that I carelessly misplaced at my other house.
i have been fixated on it for hours..it is driving me insane.........gaaaaaaahhhhh....and here I am stuck at SHFL.....what could I possibly have done with it? I am so stupid....I had intended to take it with me tonight and carelessly set it down. I have been very stressed out and it has caused me to lose alot of things lately.....it is really bad......i hate losing things....things I really care about....it is like a red hot poker to the brain....
Winged gnome Goddess....please let my box of stuff be safe....please please please...........oh..........
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auditory hallucination log
posted at 03:32 pm on 10-26-2007
Last night was really harrowing but I don't feel like talking about it....
While i was trying to go to sleep the phrases that got stuck repeating in my head consisted of a deep soft man's voice saying
"This is the best thing that anybody ever gave you"
repeated by a smaller elf/childlike voice repeating
"This is the best thing that anybody ever gave me"
it kept going over and over...and the only way I got to sleep was by mentally repeating the phrase along with the voices...
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eat an easter egg honey, maybe you will fall asleep
posted at 05:35 am on 10-23-2007
I try to document auditory phrases i hear in my head when I am trying to sleep. I used to write them down in my dream journal when I had one...
Tonight I cannot sleep..I heard that one sentence in a high cartoony voice, but for the last half-hour at least it has sounded like one of those musical "happy apples" rolling around in my head..and it will not stop. It is driving me nuts.
oh yeah...and I have a horrible rash on my leg and yesterday I kinda had a meltdow and i tried to jump off an overpass bridge into the bayou and they had to wrestle me into the car and also..moneydog..my long-time companion who I keep my money in was robbed (at least they did not take moneydog)...but whoever did empty him of all contents left behind a newspaper clipping about three mexicans being rescued after being lost at sea for several days.
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found out tonight that my relationship was a sham
posted at 05:40 am on 10-20-2007
it bloody sucks.
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mini meltdown...some rain..getting sick...not much else
posted at 11:52 pm on 10-15-2007
Had mini-melty experience last night in resturaunt. Had to take emergency xanax again.....The dinner conversation was such that I had to keep my fingers in my ears and my eye on the newspaper, and still I eventually started hyperventillating..at least Flakey and his friend didn't mind. I don't blame her for causeing such reactions in me...I blame myself...at least she has gotten used to it and doesn't take it as personally as she used to. I have explained it to her enough now that she knows I have sensory issues and knows to leave me alone when I am in a bad way.
Tonight we have loud bands...I have taken my anti-anxiety herbal cocktail of GABA, l-theanine and blue lotus.....I am running a fever because I guess I am catching what everyone else around me seems to have had recently....otherwise I am doing ummm....so-so
Do ya ever start a thread on the forum and then feel kinda bad if the thread is a flop...(especially if it is about something that means alot to you)....?
that sorta happened tonight and I am a wee bit bummed.
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dream log and other stuff....
posted at 12:19 am on 10-15-2007
Last night I dreamed that Flakey came in and told me that our cat Lovey had died...then these two stray tom cats..one a Siamese and one a tabby ran into the house and wouldn't leave...It was a very strange dream that lasted longer than average...I kept slipping in and out of it...at first I was told she was bitten to death, then i was told she fell out of a tree. Later it turned out that she had not died yet but was almost dead....it really bothered me...I always worry about Lovey. She is a lonesome, neurotic cat who keeps to herself...I am lucky to catch a glimpse of her once a day..She always looks as though she has been fighting. She is our only cat who hunts, and she also avidly guards the perimeter from other cats and will of her way to chase them off.
I ended up seeing Lovey today, but only briefly. She was distant and melacholy, and a little ragged, as usual...I have not seen her since....(update..I saw her, and she is looking fine)
In another dream I was in a classroom of girls in old-timey dresses and we were being taught to sing by standing holding our noses while we sang. I don't know..it might be a good idea.
In other parts of the news, night before last, I saw Roky Ericson at a Crawfish festival in Conroe....it was an amazing and surreal experience...I was completely beside myself. He is one of my heroes....and there were not very many people there....it was crazy and awesome...
I spent 30 bucks for a book of all his lyrics, and it is well worth it, because some of them are impossible to understand, and now i have been learning to play them on the ukulele....nothing in return...starry eyes....and so on...I have already covered "Night of the Vampire" for years, but there was always a part in the middle of the song where i could never make out what he was saying.
Um...in other parts of the news, i performed yesterday at the Westheimer bloc party, and had a day that was less anxiety-ridden than most. I did alot of sitting and sun burning...my fore-arms are lobster-red now....
SHFL ran the stage, but our sound guy Louie did all the work. I mostly sat, and talked to two kids I know and um...sold a few shirts and whatnot...
lets see if this picture shows up....
Today i have been really out of it. Flakey is sick too...I have been attempting to organize my screen printing supplies, but am going at it kinda slowly.
There are some guests up front that flakey is visiting with..so I am back here....where the computer is....
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new song
posted at 07:00 pm on 10-10-2007
soft and sad and crazy in the head
what does the future hold in store
for the little chile who for 15 years
hasn't been a child anymore
that is all I have I wrote it down so as not to foget it
also the chords
are
c g c f
c g
c g c f
c g f c
pray I don't forget the melody
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Dream Log
posted at 01:44 pm on 10-06-2007
Dreamed that this really big sorta vaudvillian band played at my venue. They said they had all learned to play their instruments at the same time. There were at least 8 people in the band...At least 3 of them were girls who were taller than me, at least 10 years younger than me, and danced provocatively on stage while they played. Anywhoo...they acted as though i was planning on joining the band and any time I would say something, one of the girls would sorta misenterpret what I said and then criticise me for it.
For example....i made some dumb little comment about something, and the lead girl...a tall attractive curly-haired brunette says...."When you join this band, you're gonna have to get used to things not being so perfect"....as I stumbled over attempting to explain that that wasn't what I meant, I woke up.
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ahoy ahoy
posted at 04:55 pm on 10-05-2007
I ahve thress blogs..one on tribe.net, another on my myspace page and now this one.
i had all kinds of things I wanted to talk about...but I currently can;t think of any of them....oh well....
so much for blog post#1
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