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Slowmutant's Blog
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Prove your genetic worth, maggot!
posted at 08:15 am on 04-22-2008
All my life I could not shake the feeling that I was inferior. Still can't, no matter how people try to reassure me. I equate AS with a measure of inferiority.
If you have inferior genes, how do you justify your existence? You must work 3x times as hard to convince Man and Nature of your worth.
Do I deserve to breed? Not when other males are stronger, faster, and more eligible. I'm not sure I want to breed, anyway. You can say whatever you want about NTs being the inferior ones, but at the end of the day no one would give AS as a reproductive legacy.
But AS is not a sure thing. Even if you breed male, it's not a sure thing. What the odds are exactly , I don't know. Odds are not acceptable risk-wise. An AS kid is not the end of the world and surely there are much worse congenital defects to be had.
I probably won't leave the world with offspring, but my legacy can be one of the spirit and of the mind. People are over-breeding anyway, what with India and China.
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Textures
posted at 01:25 pm on 03-23-2008
The cat's nose:
A tiny moist nub, cold and avoiding the press of my thumb. The nose is at other times warm and dry, not quite as soft. I like to gentlly squish her cold moist nose with the ball of my thumb, compress it like a button, a fleshy little elevator button. As she writhes to free her poor little nose from my rude thumb, I get a weird, teeth-baring, squealing kind of thrill.
The softness, moistness, and squishiness of the cat's nose ... it also changes colour from a deep salmon pink to white. When it's dry it almost feels like hard plastic, yet no matter what my thumb is thinly tolerated as it squishes her nose, squishes and prods. I think she lets me perform that kind of touch only because she has learned how fleeting it is.
And that little sawdust-tongue of hers always seems to be blackened by something, a little strip of asphalt or soot or popsicle residue, right down the middle. It's like warm, moist, rubbery sawdust. Like mine, the cat's tongue has some elasticity.
When she licks my opened palm, I sometimes catch her tongue and tweeze it between my thumb and forefinger ... gently. This she does not like and will not tolerate for more than a few seconds. But I never get nipped or bitten because the cat trusts me. And I think she likes the texture of my hand on her tongue.
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