Are you married to a NT?

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People with aspergers have trouble with the complexity of relating to people on the level needed for relationships. I have had such difficulties I've basically just assume I will live alone.

But I wanted to ask, anyone with aspergers have a long term relationship with someone that doesn't? How did you make that work, how did you even manage starting a relationship?

i got online and started dating.
I'm a woman so, I had some advantage, cause there's way many more men trying to date online.
I had the disadvantage that in my hometown single guys were almost non-existent.
when you go online it's almost like going shopping, you can wed out people and choose the best fits for you without spending a lot

I honestly didnt figure I would ever be happy living with someone. After a few relationships I decided that the single life was the life for me. No one to b***h about anything, no one in my space all the time, no one's feelings to take into consideration when I wanted to do something.

Almost a year ago I moved in with my boyfriend. We met on a site that has to do with one of my fixations.

I think that it works because of the level of communication that we have, I finally made it to a point in my life where even if I couldnt explain why I could at least explain what I needed. I still need lots of time alone, but he understands that and gives me what I need. I still have a hard time with social cues, but he has learned to listen to what I am saying and ignore the look on my face and my tone of voice. He also knows that if he is upset he needs to talk to me about it, because I can't guess.

We didnt know I have Aspergers when we got together, but it was all my little quirks that he fell in love with in the first place. He spoils my inner child and respects the adult that goes along with it. He evens me out when I am starting to spin, and listens patiently when I sometimes go on and on for ages. He is, quite frankly, an amazing man. He never asks me to apologize for being me.

You sure found a keeper.

I'm married to an NT. I think we make it work the same way anyone makes these things work: you try hard to take account of the others feelings, give them space when they need it, and comfort when they need that. I think a lot of people here assume that NTs have this magical psychic power where they know what the other's thinking a lot of the time. They don't. They have communications screwups a lot of the time, too. Now, I'm sure many of our misunderstandings are different ones that NTs have. I sure as heck annoy my wife sometimes with my aspie tendancies. But as she's pointed out, were I an NT, I'd probably just annoy her in different ways. A lot of marriage is learning how to deal with the little annoyances - part of that is trying to mitigate them, part is just deciding they're not worth fighting over.
I think it helps that she's an introvert. I don't think I could have a relationship with a big extrovert, at least not one that lasted long. But she's the same. A hypothetical "extreme-social-NT" would be as big a mistake for her as it would be for me. So there is a large component of finding the right person. But then, that is also the same for all marriages I think.

As for how we got together, we did meet in person the first time, after a concert I was performing in, but as at the time I lived a continent away, most of our communication was via E-mail and IM for a very long time, and I think she got to know me a lot better that way. We both agree that had we started out talking in person, we'd probably never have gotten on all that well. I think I come across as far quicker, more intelligent, and deep over IM than I ever do in person.

I found out my wife is AS after 25 years together. We have a son with AS and Floating Harbor syndrome, which just adds to the conflict. I dealt with all her meltdowns and problems for years, until I read about Asperger's and confronted her. She knew the whole time. I would have helped her through all the hard times if I knew. I understand now, but all the bad times could have been averted if she told me in the first place. I love her for who she is, even though she acted NT while we dated.

What's Floating Harbor syndrome? All I can think of about your wife not disclosing the AS was maybe she was frightened it would cause rejection or was ashamed of it. It's very sad that she didn't feel she could tell you.

sorry, i am new, but what is a NT ?

NT stands for "neurotypical," in this sort of context anyone who isn't on the autism spectrum.

hello