Asking your parents about ASD?

insomniakat · Raven Joined: Nov 30, 2007 Posts: 120

This will probably get me flamed, but I'm trying to get to the truth of the matter and if anyone has had a similar experience.

I bit the bullet and talked to my mother about any autistic symptoms I had as a kid (my mother is a very defensive person; I knew the whole conversation would NOT go well). I first mentioned sensory integration issues. My mother first told me that all my sensory issues I talked about were perfectly normal. They aren't. Then she made jokes. Then everything I mentioned, she had, too. Rolling Eyes

Including face blindness (my mother's eyesight has been steadily getting worse her whole life, and she is now legally blind and should NOT even be driving). I was getting frustrated because the things I would describe and then the things she would describe were not really the same things. Then she persisted in saying that she's always been a sensitive person and even so sensitive to the point where she can read body langauge and know things about people that they don't even tell her. Rolling Eyes

I ignored the comment and told her that I am not like that. And when people have these sort of sensory issues and are not socially sophisticated (understatement), it's an indicator that they may be on the autistic spectrum.

She then kept saying that I was a "perfect" baby. I never cried or made a fuss. I slept through anything, and never had problems sleeping. I ran to get hugs. Yadda yadda yadda. She said that the first time she heard about any sleeping problems that I had, I was in collge. This is NOT accurate. Rolling Eyes

I know I had them as early as 12 because I remember the program I'd watch when I couldn't sleep, but I don't know about before that. Her response: Well, you never told me. Rolling Eyes

I was horribly depressed from age 9 on. I didn't say anything about that, but she obviously didn't see it.

She is a middle school teacher and should be able to spot abnormalities in children's behavior. She said that I didn't have any. But then again, I also had an eating disorder right under her nose from 14 until I left for college. I spoke to her about the eating disorder when I was around 20. I even told her when it started. She acted like she didn't know that at all though in the phone converation. In any case, I DROPPED 25 POUNDS RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE in six months! Geesh woman! But it wasn't the point of the conversation, so I steered it away and didn't get into it. There would be nothing to gain in talking about it anyway. Rolling Eyes

So anyway according to her, I was a perfect baby with nothing wrong with me. I was not weird or abnormal in ANY way. When I reached puberty I became private, but that's not weird either. And then I went to college and went nuts. Evil or Very Mad

I called my best friend who has known me since I was 19 (met him six months after I came to college). He can confirm that I was a little weird when he met me. Such as, I never made eye contact or looked in anyone's faces (he trained me to look in people's faces because he was so annoyed by it, by grabbing my face and making me look at him when I talked...that was really hard and I'm still not great at it). Also, I never talked to anyone unless I had to. I was uncomfortable at parties, I never went to concerts (sensory issues). He said I had some face blindness that he could tell. He also knew that I had sensory weirdness before I did. I was also really rigid and into routines. I was also stupid when he asked for my number and had no idea why he wanted (we then dated for about two years off and on). In a related note, he also knew I liked girls before I told him. Wink

He told me last night that I have never talked about my day (which I responded to saying, why would I do that? and we got into a discussion of how I abhor small talk). He's read the description of Asperger's and thinks that I fit it, although barely. My therapist also thinks I'm barely Aspergers. My shrink mentioned PDD-NOS. I trust my best friend's memory a lot more than my mom's (since hers is extremely selective anyway).

So...how can my mother not have seen anything as a kid? Although she didn't see my depression (starting in middle school), my eating disorder (starting in jr high), my sensory issues (that were present at least since I can remember, at least since I was in middle school), my sleeping problems (at least in middle school), my face blindness. How can she not have seen these issues? Can I even trust her memory of how I was when I was a baby/infant if she doesn't even know these, since I know for a fact I had these issues? I mean, let's say she's right. And I was a perfectly normal baby. How do I suddenly have all these Asperger like traits, that were confirmed by the person that has known me the longest as at least occurring when I was 19? I'm pretty sure that I had them at least in middle school, but let's say my memory is screwy, and my mom is right. Then how would I not have them at 18, but go away to college for a few months, and suddenly have them? And you don't get suddenly depressed at around age 9 unless there is a REASON. Okay, so say I'm not Aspergers. Why did I get depressed then? What was the trigger? A 9 year old doesn't get depressed for no reason at all. I'm so confused.

Of course, my best friend knows how my mother is, and couldn't even see why I would bother going to her. But, I thought...she would be the best person to ask. I'm going to call my brother tonight, just to see if he remembers anything weird about how I was, but...I'm just really confused. I don't know if I can trust her memory to be "accurate" at all, and I don't know what else to do if I don't just ask my brother. He's only four years older than me though, but I haven't had an actual conversation with him in fifteen years (I'm 27), so this is going to be really weird and uncomfortable. Embarassed

Has anyone had this happen to them? What did you do? There's no one else in my family to ask!
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-Terry Pratchett, Jingo - Discworld