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Mw99
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 13, 2007
Posts: 1232
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 Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 5:09 pm Post subject: Realistically speaking, would you ever date a guy like I? |
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Mid 20s, straight, average height, about 40 pounds overweight. I suppose I was somewhat attractive during my high school years, since I got a healthy amount of attention from women, but that's not the case anymore though, and women have not demonstrated any interest in me in years. I'm one of those guys who wears the same shoes every single day of the week. I have a college degree and I currently have a low-level white-collar job where I earn a below-average salary for the type of job that I do. I live with my parents. I don't own a car. My interests don't require me to go out of the house. I spend most of my free time in front of my computer. I don't have friends. I have never had a girlfriend. I'm known for being "weird." I suffer from a variety of AS induced problems. I can't make small talk. I eschew social situations.
Based on the information I provided above, do you see yourself dating a person like I? Why or why not? And if the answer is "no" (which is what I expect all of you to answer), what do you think I can do to become a more suitable bachelor?  |
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sarahstilettos
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 08, 2007
Age: 23
Posts: 852
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| Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 5:23 pm Post subject: |
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You've listed a lot of things, most of which wouldn't be a problem to anyone at all. The things that stand out as being difficult are...
The fact that you don't get out much and are very shy. This is the biggie. If girls don't meet you, how are they supposed to date you? But then, this doesn't mean you aren't going to find a woman, you just have to find a way round the problem. I can think of a couple of ideas, (hopefully others will think of some more????)
1. Internet dating. This idea regularly gets a kicking from the men of the forum. You would certainly have to put a lot of effort and thought into the way you used it.
2. What are your interests? Is their no way that you can turn them into even slightly social pastimes? Difficult for me to say more without knowing what your interests are...
You're a little overweight. This could or could not be a problem depending on particular women's preferences, and whether you have a problem with it or not - would you feel any more confident having lost a little weight? Totally up to you really. On the positive side, if you do decide to do anything, dieting and going to the gym are far far easier than aquiring social skills. The rules are much simpler!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Posts: 5130
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| Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 6:03 pm Post subject: |
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| you're almost a copy-paste of me ,except that I got my masters. |
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SapphoWoman
Velociraptor
Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Posts: 475
Location: South Florida
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| Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 6:26 pm Post subject: |
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The fact that you can't make small talk is OK.
But here is my advice:
Learn to make friends. Learn to make friends FIRST, and then the next step is dating.
Believe me, I am going through the same thing, and I think it is good advice.
Best of luck!  |
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sands
Toucan
Joined: Dec 03, 2007
Age: 42
Posts: 285
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| Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 6:35 pm Post subject: |
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I think there is someone out there for everyone. The small talk to me would be a plus. I don't mind the silence as long as I know that it's not being used as a punishment. There's plenty of women out there that doesn't care at all about weight either. I've been interested in men thats weight varied by as much as a hundred pounds. It's all in how you treat us really. Women like someone that can give good advice and listen to them when theres a problem. A little comfort goes a long ways.
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Cassandra Lou
What's normal anyway? |
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Mw99
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 13, 2007
Posts: 1232
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| Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 6:39 pm Post subject: |
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| SapphoWoman wrote: |
But here is my advice:
Learn to make friends. Learn to make friends FIRST,
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What a bore. I'd rather stay at home watching TV. |
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Space
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 03, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 2103
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| Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 6:41 pm Post subject: Re: Realistically speaking, would you ever date a guy like I |
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| Mw99 wrote: | Mid 20s, straight, average height, about 40 pounds overweight. I suppose I was somewhat attractive during my high school years, since I got a healthy amount of attention from women, but that's not the case anymore though, and women have not demonstrated any interest in me in years. I'm one of those guys who wears the same shoes every single day of the week. I have a college degree and I currently have a low-level white-collar job where I earn a below-average salary for the type of job that I do. I live with my parents. I don't own a car. My interests don't require me to go out of the house. I spend most of my free time in front of my computer. I don't have friends. I have never had a girlfriend. I'm known for being "weird." I suffer from a variety of AS induced problems. I can't make small talk. I eschew social situations.
Based on the information I provided above, do you see yourself dating a person like I? Why or why not? And if the answer is "no" (which is what I expect all of you to answer), what do you think I can do to become a more suitable bachelor? |
Some girls would date you, but you are going to have to go after girls that are either really off-beat and free thinkers, or else girls who never get hit on by guys and will date just about anyone. Don't feel bad for your circumstances, it seems like all AS guys have a lot of trouble dating, regardless of weight/income/etc. One piece of advice though, don't be picky. Date the first girl who will go out with you and learn as much as you can. That way, at least if and when the relationship ends, you will have a wealth of experience and knowledge to build on. -my 2 cents |
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sarahstilettos
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 08, 2007
Age: 23
Posts: 852
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| Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 6:48 pm Post subject: |
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| Mw99 wrote: | | SapphoWoman wrote: |
But here is my advice:
Learn to make friends. Learn to make friends FIRST,
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What a bore. I'd rather stay at home watching TV. |
I know that a lot of peoples company is not worth having, but there are some gems out there.
Watching TV - now thats my definition of boring. |
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Mw99
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 13, 2007
Posts: 1232
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| Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 6:51 pm Post subject: Re: Realistically speaking, would you ever date a guy like I |
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| Space wrote: |
Some girls would date you, but you are going to have to go after girls that are either really off-beat and free thinkers, |
Where do I find them? |
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mj7
Emu Egg
Joined: Dec 24, 2007
Posts: 4
Location: UK
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| Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 7:55 pm Post subject: |
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| SapphoWoman wrote: | The fact that you can't make small talk is OK.
But here is my advice:
Learn to make friends. Learn to make friends FIRST, and then the next step is dating.
Believe me, I am going through the same thing, and I think it is good advice.
Best of luck! |
That is precisely the point he is making is that he doesn't have friends because he can't make friends as is common with people with AS from what i am reading. |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 59
Posts: 13218
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 7:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Mw99 wrote: | | SapphoWoman wrote: |
But here is my advice:
Learn to make friends. Learn to make friends FIRST,
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What a bore. I'd rather stay at home watching TV. |
so what is the reason of finding this 'girlfriend' all about if not for companionship?
Then my advice :
Don't bother someone looking for a relationship for casual sex.
if you are looking for just sexual contact, pay for it or find someone just in it for that, too.
Merle
_________________
where sin abounds, grace abounds the more;
Non omnis moriar |
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Space
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 03, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 2103
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| Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 7:59 pm Post subject: Re: Realistically speaking, would you ever date a guy like I |
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| Mw99 wrote: | | Space wrote: |
Some girls would date you, but you are going to have to go after girls that are either really off-beat and free thinkers, |
Where do I find them? |
Go to burning man. Or any folksy/hippie-ish music festivals. Lot of fine arts majors would fit this description too, so if you are into art and start meeting people in that scene, you would meet tons of those girls.
http://www.burningman.com/ |
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Mw99
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 13, 2007
Posts: 1232
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| Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 10:15 pm Post subject: |
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| sinsboldly wrote: |
so what is the reason of finding this 'girlfriend' all about if not for companionship?
Then my advice :
Don't bother someone looking for a relationship for casual sex.
if you are looking for just sexual contact, pay for it or find someone just in it for that, too.
Merle |
Clearly, you missed my other thread.
| space wrote: | | Go to burning man. Or any folksy/hippie-ish music festivals. Lot of fine arts majors would fit this description too, so if you are into art and start meeting people in that scene, you would meet tons of those girls. |
I won't go to burning man, but you might be right about the fine arts majors. I'm afraid they won't like me because I am not artistic though.
Last edited by Mw99 on Tue Dec 25, 2007 10:22 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 59
Posts: 13218
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 10:16 pm Post subject: Re: Realistically speaking, would you ever date a guy like I |
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| Space wrote: | | Mw99 wrote: | | Space wrote: |
Some girls would date you, but you are going to have to go after girls that are either really off-beat and free thinkers, |
Where do I find them? |
Go to burning man. Or any folksy/hippie-ish music festivals. Lot of fine arts majors would fit this description too, so if you are into art and start meeting people in that scene, you would meet tons of those girls.
http://www.burningman.com/ |
actually this is a good idea. I hid/hung out with hippies and stoners most of my life. They didn't inquire too closely about my 'not fitting in' and just thought it was my 'bag'. I also hung out in academia, that helped because there are lots of us there, but even they had their standards, too, and I was johnny come lately and hadn't been trained in their ways.
Merle |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 59
Posts: 13218
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Tue Dec 25, 2007 11:08 pm Post subject: |
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| Mw99 wrote: | | sinsboldly wrote: |
so what is the reason of finding this 'girlfriend' all about if not for companionship?
Then my advice :
Don't bother someone looking for a relationship for casual sex.
if you are looking for just sexual contact, pay for it or find someone just in it for that, too.
Merle |
Clearly, you missed my other thread. |
what? you have another thread where this was addressed and somehow I am to keep up with you and your post teenaged angst from thread to thread?
Do you just want to piss and moan about it, not actually DO anything about it cause you always got a reason for why you can't do something?
| Mw99 wrote: | | space wrote: | | Go to burning man. Or any folksy/hippie-ish music festivals. Lot of fine arts majors would fit this description too, so if you are into art and start meeting people in that scene, you would meet tons of those girls. |
I won't go to burning man, but you might be right about the fine arts majors. I'm afraid they won't like me because I am not artistic though. |
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