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D1nk0
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 12, 2007
Age: 34
Posts: 1589
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 Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 6:56 pm Post subject: Dating a Stripper |
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First of all, being involved with someone who's an exotic dancer(a euphemism for Stripper) is certainly Not my cup of tea. Well anyway, I met someone online about 2 weeks ago-seemd like a really cool, really nice introverted artistic type of girl. But I asked her right off the bat about what she does with herself and she said she did "various things" to earn a living. That was, until chatting online with her one friday night she was telling me about her lousy day at work and upon asking just exactly what she did that day for work she respond with: "topless dancing". So then it dawned on me that she in fact is a stripper. It gets worse: when I met her for coffee which she pushed for she told me about some guy in his 40s who's a regular at the club where she works and how he bought her a nurse costume last X-mas and some white heels and I was thinking: wow, thats creepy!  . It all blew apart the night after I met her when she accused me of accusing her of lying and she said that no matter what I said after that she was "already creeped out". I then called her a bunch of times the next mornng to discuss it only to get a discouraging e-mail from her after which I assumed it was done and then I e-mailed her back admitting that I am a very jealous and possessive person. You might think it wasnt smart of me to say that but its better that I was honest up front instead of actuallly falling for her; ugh. The reason I dont want to date a stripper has to do with jealousy over the attention and adulation they recieve from other men at the club because that means that they will have less of an incentive to give attention and affection to me. There's nothing I can do for them or that she will do for me that will be Special  . Plus the very real possibility that they might cheat on me with a club patron who's attractive and tips them high enough. |
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psych
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 23, 2005
Age: 35
Posts: 2665
Location: w london
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| Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 8:13 pm Post subject: Re: Dating a Stripper |
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| D1nk0 wrote: | | The reason I dont want to date a stripper has to do with jealousy over the attention and adulation they recieve from other men at the club because that means that they will have less of an incentive to give attention and affection to me. There's nothing I can do for them or that she will do for me that will be Special . |
In a way thats sort of backwards. If shes getting attention from other men, then it means what you share on top of that will be special because its not born out of dependancy.
Keep in mind its only a very specific type of attention anyway (lust/fantasy). A good relationship has deeper types of affection and intimacy that i dont think feature heavily in a strip club!. But if you think its going to be an issue, probably better to walk away. |
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Mikomi
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 25, 2008
Posts: 798
Location: On top of your TV, lookin' at you funny.
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| Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 8:31 pm Post subject: |
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| You're right, dating this girl is a bad idea. I don't think she's the one with the problem. You're making some grossly inappropriate assumptions based on nothing more than where this girl works. Just because she dances for a living doesn't make her a whore who will sell herself to the highest bidder. Women who dance often deeply appreciate the "nice guy" (read: someone nothing like the patrons of the club) because they encounter a lot of jerks. |
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merr
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 23, 2007
Posts: 683
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| Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 8:31 pm Post subject: |
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I dont think strippers give themselves away to the highest bidder. You porbably dont have to worry about her sleeping with an attractive client. Maybe you need to talk with her more about her work. Does she see the men as "clients" or potential mates? Will she do anything for a buck?
Chances are she has her limits with her customers and that she sees work as work and home life as home life. |
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shadexiii
Tanuki
Joined: Dec 16, 2006
Posts: 4013
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| Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 8:35 pm Post subject: |
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| Mikomi wrote: | | You're making some grossly inappropriate assumptions based on nothing more than where this girl works. Just because she dances for a living doesn't make her a whore who will sell herself to the highest bidder. |
Well put. A lot more succinct than the couple of attempts I had managed to come up with thus far.  |
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techstepgenr8tion
that chatty American
Joined: Feb 07, 2005
Posts: 14832
Location: A beautiful vector among many
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| Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 9:00 pm Post subject: |
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| Mikomi wrote: | | You're right, dating this girl is a bad idea. I don't think she's the one with the problem. You're making some grossly inappropriate assumptions based on nothing more than where this girl works. Just because she dances for a living doesn't make her a whore who will sell herself to the highest bidder. Women who dance often deeply appreciate the "nice guy" (read: someone nothing like the patrons of the club) because they encounter a lot of jerks. |
That and a lot of people, particularly who've been on the harder side of life, are very multi-faceted quite often. Then again from what D1nk0 is saying, if he would have just about had to demand her to quit her job just to make things emotionally work on his side - definitely the wrong profession for him to date in. |
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ToadOfSteel
unlovable
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 25
Posts: 6716
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 9:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Remember Will Smith's wife in Independence Day? |
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gwenevyn
oh, wait. not that!
Joined: May 07, 2007
Posts: 6193
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| Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 9:45 pm Post subject: |
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| shadexiii wrote: | | Mikomi wrote: | | You're making some grossly inappropriate assumptions based on nothing more than where this girl works. Just because she dances for a living doesn't make her a whore who will sell herself to the highest bidder. |
Well put. A lot more succinct than the couple of attempts I had managed to come up with thus far. |
Wha--?
So the fact that she's a stripper says nothing about her personality? 
D1nk0's concerns seem realistic to me. I don't see that he claimed she's whoring herself out.
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The machine does not isolate man from the great problems of nature but plunges him more deeply into them. -Antoine de Saint Exupéry |
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shadexiii
Tanuki
Joined: Dec 16, 2006
Posts: 4013
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| Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 10:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Not that she would be whoring herself out, but that she'd be with no uncertainty significantly more likely to cheat on him solely because of her profession, or that she would necessarily care any less about receiving affection from him, or showing affection towards him. |
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gwenevyn
oh, wait. not that!
Joined: May 07, 2007
Posts: 6193
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| Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 10:11 pm Post subject: |
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| shadexiii wrote: | | Not that she would be whoring herself out, but that she'd be with no uncertainty significantly more likely to cheat on him solely because of her profession, or that she would necessarily care any less about receiving affection from him, or showing affection towards him. |
It doesn't seem too far fetched to guess that someone who is shaking her booty at hundreds of strange men every day and getting oogled, complimented, propositioned, etc. in return might be more likely to cheat or less likely to maintain a normal, stable level of affection for her partner. It's not just that she's more likely to cheat--the nature of her job is giving out visual favors (or even forms of touching) that are normally reserved for one's romantic partner. Complete sexual monogamy is an impossibility.
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The machine does not isolate man from the great problems of nature but plunges him more deeply into them. -Antoine de Saint Exupéry |
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shadexiii
Tanuki
Joined: Dec 16, 2006
Posts: 4013
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| Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 10:17 pm Post subject: |
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| gwenevyn wrote: | | the nature of her job is giving out visual favors (or even forms of touching) that are normally reserved for one's romantic partner. Complete sexual monogamy is an impossibility. |
I don't disagree with that. I also couldn't ever be in the position of a guy that was dating a stripper. Is it a profession I agree with? Certainly not.
But, without knowing more about the individual, I can't really know why they were stripping. It could be because it is an easy job for them, or that they enjoy the attention. It could also be that they were simply desperate to make ends meet, and could not come up with another way. There's a lot of possibilities, and while there are many bad ones, there might be a more legitimate one that, while not something I'd consider good, was at least well-intentioned.
I guess in some ways it is easier for me to take that stance since I'm not in the position that the OP was put in. I also can't say that I'd react any differently than he did if I had been in that position. |
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gwenevyn
oh, wait. not that!
Joined: May 07, 2007
Posts: 6193
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| Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 10:34 pm Post subject: |
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| shadexiii wrote: |
But, without knowing more about the individual, I can't really know why they were stripping. It could be because it is an easy job for them, or that they enjoy the attention. It could also be that they were simply desperate to make ends meet, and could not come up with another way. There's a lot of possibilities, and while there are many bad ones, there might be a more legitimate one that, while not something I'd consider good, was at least well-intentioned.
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It's pretty rare that anybody would be held at gunpoint and told to become a stripper "or else". There are always alternatives. The choice not to pursue those alternatives does say something about the personality and inclinations of the individual. If nothing else, at the very least it says that she is willing to share intimate parts of herself for a relatively small price. I think the OP is smart to consider the ramifications that might have. Her intentions are irrelevant as far as I can see.
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The machine does not isolate man from the great problems of nature but plunges him more deeply into them. -Antoine de Saint Exupéry |
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shadexiii
Tanuki
Joined: Dec 16, 2006
Posts: 4013
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| Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 10:50 pm Post subject: |
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| gwenevyn wrote: | | The choice not to pursue those alternatives does say something about the personality and inclinations of the individual. If nothing else, at the very least it says that she is willing to share intimate parts of herself for a relatively small price. |
That's true.
The more I think about it, the harder it is to stick with my initial position on things. (Maybe I should have just thought about it more to begin with. <.<;; ) There are alternatives, and, like you said, that those options weren't pursued is indicative of something about the individual. |
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Sedaka
Searching For My Catcher in the Rye
Joined: Jul 17, 2006
Age: 31
Posts: 5568
Location: In the recesses of my mind
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gwenevyn
oh, wait. not that!
Joined: May 07, 2007
Posts: 6193
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| Posted: Tue Jan 29, 2008 11:04 pm Post subject: |
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| Sedaka wrote: | | i couldn't date a stripper. i cried the one time i went to a strip club. |
Do you mind saying what made you feel like crying? I'm curious but I know it might be kind of a personal question so don't feel bad if it's not something you want to answer.
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The machine does not isolate man from the great problems of nature but plunges him more deeply into them. -Antoine de Saint Exupéry |
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