Could Narcissism Benefit Us?

NeantHumain · Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 3:45 pm Post subject:

I've deliberately decided to start a topic on something highly controversial; nevertheless, I believe it merits serious discussion (please see also my first response to My Obsessive Mind (With Apologies) for the inspiration). One psychoanalyst who wrote a book (gee whiz!) called narcissism "character armor" because it so effectively deflects all emotional ambivalence (the self is the source of all good, and everything else is a minor obstacle to be overcome). Perhaps many of us aspies would have an easier time getting along in the NT world if we had tougher character armor. Some of us are just bundles of raw nerves, waiting to be irritated into emotional overload and autistic meltdown.

I propose that, if we aspies became "tough sh*t," we would receive more liking from NTness and woo all the ladies too. We would still, at core, have Asperger's syndrome and have some social reciprocity deficits, but the attitude would appeal to a multitude of NeuroTypicals. Much research into the narcissistic personality (in adaptive and psychopathological varieties) focuses on different dimensions of attitude and behavior: optimism, self-reliance, effect attribution, exhibitionism, grandiosity, leadership/competitiveness/aggression, and emotional coolness; self-esteem is considered to be a separate factor, a lack of which leads the narcissistic traits to be more maladaptive. (Please see also Do You Have a Narcissistic Personality?)

Many of us probably have a few narcissistic personality traits or occasional manifestations of narcissism (i.e., undeserved sense of entitlement, fake friendliness, deceitful and manipulative behavior, lack of interpersonal emotional sensitivity, a feeling of specialness or uniqueness, a desire for admiration or praise, arrogant or contemptuous attitude, and feelings of omnipotence or other such vanity).

Now the question is what aspects of you are somewhat narcissistic?

For example, in my case, I am confident—in so much as self-confidence is an attribute of narcissism—that I will do well academically. This has largely been true in the past; but, with my building apathy, I am having to remember to crack down to pull off the grades I'm used to earning. More broadly, I have confidence that I can accomplish almost anything I seriously want to attempt as long as I put the effort into it; the one exception is the social domain.

I also consider myself to be mostly self-sufficient except financially, and I'm working on that one. I value independence in thought and action highly; I dislike being bound by excessive obligations whose exact duties I may not know when agreeing to the obligation (thus, I avoid making many promises, preferring to surprise people with kindness and generosity instead) and dislike even more obligations I am forced to submit to against my will (my actions are in accord, but my will shall never bend). I also value originality and creativity as an extension of this valuing independence. I think of meticulousness, efficiency, duty, and rigor as lesser ideals.

Also, when my principles are at stake, I do not relish backing down. I dislike conflict, but there are times when I feel I must stand up for myself and what I believe in. In these cases, my resolve is almost ferocious (not in some destructive display but simply in the strength of my will). In times of conflict, I actually become less nervous and more resolute; it's a learned response, probably.