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LadyMahler
Sea Gull
Joined: Jun 28, 2007
Age: 35
Posts: 222
Location: Cape Town
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 Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 11:41 am Post subject: Anxiety - that dreaded knot in the tummy :( |
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I don't get a lot of anxiety but tonight I have a huge dose of it. I asked someone to invite me to their Asperger's support group, a few times, wanting to be involved. I asked it last year already. Then I heard they had a meeting just more than two weeks ago already.
I think the anxiety is because I really like this person and believed she liked me too, and respected my voice and would want me at a meeting like that. Now I just don't understand. Did she just forget? (That would be best case scenario). Was it just not important to her to tell me? Would she actually not want me there because of some horrible reason? Am I not aspie enough? Am I too aspie? Am I too dysfunctional? Does she feel I'm not ready?
I think it all boils down to taking a whole lot of self doubt and a whole lot of care and trust for someone, and then having an event like this to just make a reaction of anxiety putting a big piece of stone into my tummy and chest, that just turns and turns around and around, making my thoughts race at a million miles with questions.
What do I do? Not care so much? Just ask her? (Oh boy, that's like anxiety quadrupled just thinking about a confrontation). Rock for a couple of hours until I feel better? Try to sleep it out? It is just such a horrible, self destructive feeling.
I wish I had more trust in that people can actually care for me, as much as I for them. |
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OregonBecky
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 01, 2007
Age: 54
Posts: 903
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| Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 2:07 pm Post subject: |
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I understand! Just reading about what you're going through gives me a stab of anxiety.
I hate that feeling! Once, at work, when I was in charge because the one above me was gone, it was an extremely busy hectic day. We got through it though. I said I'd be glad when the day was over. One of the people working next to be said that she sure hated the day and would be glad when it was over, too.
I worried that she didn't like me being in charge but maybe it was just because it was an extremely overloaded day. The more I wondered, the more anxious I became. I didn't want to doubt myself and if I screwed up, I needed feedback. I worried so much that I finally decided to ask her as nicely as I could. When I asked her, she cried and wouldn't talk to me. Then I really felt horrible.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. |
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ouinon
chemical reaction
Joined: Jul 11, 2007
Posts: 3150
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| Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 2:31 pm Post subject: |
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god what nightmares me too i'm remembering some horrors reading this.
One where i discovered that i had not been invited to a picnic with a group of people a friend knew, people i thought were more interesting ( artists etc), but instead i was invited to something else with people i saw as the friend's "social work" friendships, the "boring", or uncool, people.  
And so i asked "why" and basically it provoked complete end of communication between us, which was good in a way because i was getting very uncomfortable about her sleeping with an ex boyfriend who was in the country for a while, because i liked her current boyfriend and couldn't cope with knowing she was cheating on him. It was all too complicated.
There was also stuff with a flatmate who i liked more if anything but who was practically not "allowed" to hang out with the others because of other histories, and so i didn't seem to be able to be friends with both of them.
Basically it was horrible,  so actually my asking about "exclusion"/impressions of being sidelined was good move; it lanced the boil.
But yes, that's just one of many similar occasions where simply can't work out what's going on, except that doesn't feel quite right, and dithering painfully in the dark for hours or days before daring to ask for clarification.
I recognise that it is quite possible that i am as unclear sometimes around people too. 
Either way i know the awful anxiety of not knowing where are with someone. That experience for instance is now 5-6 years in the past, but it still "gnaws" when think of it.
Already seen a couple of embryonic similar tangles of incomprehension/misunderstanding/misinterpretation here at new address. It seems to begin almost automatically as soon as start connecting with people. And it is much worse in a foreign language than it used to be in english, because the finer gradations in language which used to guide me, and which i could use to rectify with, are missing aswell.
Commiserations. You probably need to ask just so that you know, but i painfully obviously don't know how to do this diplomatically.
Good luck! 
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"Life is pain; anyone who says different is selling something" |
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LadyMahler
Sea Gull
Joined: Jun 28, 2007
Age: 35
Posts: 222
Location: Cape Town
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| Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 3:37 pm Post subject: |
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| You guys have no idea how relieved I am that I'm not the only one feeling like this... |
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