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Gogomom
Butterfly
Joined: Jul 02, 2007
Posts: 13
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 Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 4:24 pm Post subject: Please help me. I do not know what to do! |
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I do not even know where to start. My son who is 5 was DXED with Aspergers in July. He really only has trouble with transitions, some social areas and he does some vocal and hand stims. He started Kindergarten the day he turned 5. It seems as if things have gone down hill from there. He has an IEP that I am happy with and it gets tweaked anytime we need it to be. The special ed teacher at his school is wonderful. Then problem is he seems as if he is getting worse he does not seem to learn anything in school. He is bright, very good at math. He gets into trouble all the time. Especially ofr making noise. That only makes him make more noise. There is a boy in class that tries to get him to do things like make noises and such just to get him into trouble. This is a big problem. I have told the teacher to make sure these two have very little contact. His writing skills have gotten worse lately and he still can not color in the lines. He can not focus and is really not on the same page as anyone else.
I have no idea what to do and how to get him on track.
If anyone has any ideas. Please i am all ears.
Are there any behavior charts
Earning points or things. Anything you guys use that might help him become more responsible for his behavior.
Thanks |
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Nan
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 02, 2006
Posts: 3929
Location: the ultimate elsewhere
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| Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 4:31 pm Post subject: |
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| At five, he's still not a lot more than a toddler. Perhaps he's not quite ready to function as part of a large group. Is there any chance you can home-school him for a while, or place him in a program somewhere that has smaller classes? |
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cataspie
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 11, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 321
Location: UK
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| Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 4:35 pm Post subject: |
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| When i was in special needs part of school i got given sheets that i enjoyed.The sheets where to help me learn to write and i had to draw lines through a maze without touching the sides.I was behind in class untill i got to about 9 then i started catching up.I would say that what helped me was getting intrested in books on a topic that intrested me "wildlife". |
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Lunacie
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jan 18, 2008
Posts: 34
Location: Kansas
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| Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 7:19 pm Post subject: |
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I think Nan nailed it when she said your little guy is more like a three year old than a five year old. Unfortunately for us, we didn't get a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum until my granddaughter started Kindergarten at the age of 6. If we had known, maybe we would have waited a year to start her in school instead of sending her to Pre-K at the age of 5. Apparently it's very common for these kiddos to be 2 or 3 years behind their peers in many areas of development.
Just be patient with your little guy, he's just taking a little longer to reach the milestones than most kids.
_________________
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
~ Terry Pratchett |
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Cadzie
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Feb 24, 2007
Posts: 198
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 9:47 pm Post subject: |
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| try not treating him like he's doomed, |
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innermusic
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Nov 13, 2007
Posts: 43
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| Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 10:32 pm Post subject: |
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When I read this - I thought you were describing my son. Also in Kindergarten at age 4, and turned 5 after school started.
Part of what you wrote is interesting. He gets in trouble for making noises - and that only makes him make more noises.
When he makes noises - perhaps something is bothering him. Or maybe he does that when something is going on that makes him feel uncomfortable, anxious, confused, etc.. That may explain why he does it even more when he gets "in trouble" - no one likes how it feels to get in trouble.
My son is also a math whiz, but he gets upset when they try to "teach" him something.
My son's teacher made a chart. On one side, they keep track of things that happen. Like - "Fred came over and said there's a dinosaur on your shirt" - You made a nasty face and told him it was a dragon.
On the other side - Next time, how can you do that a different way that doesn't upset your friend:
(My son comes up with the options, not the teachers. That way, he's THINKING about how his actions may affect others.)
"I will still tell him it's a dragon, but I will smile, instead."
That's the school's solution, anyway. I'm going to send my early reader / math whiz through kindergarten again next year - even though the school is resisting, so he can have a chance to practice these things that don't come naturally. I tell my son every day after school "I'm so happy to see you". I do everything I can do to make him feel happy, and then hopefully "ready to learn."
We do cutting and origami and coloring at home - but only if he's in the mood, and only if it seems like he's enjoying it. Nothing is more of a bummer than when something that used to be "fun" is now being done in a way that's upsetting. With Autism - it's hard to focus with sensory problems in the way. Lots of kids in class, just their presence, is an extra hurdle. Too much stress shuts my son off - even of his favorite activities.
I try to think of how my son sees thing from his point of view - and that helps me come up with the best ways to help him - and in the end, that leads to him being better at "going with the flow" or fitting in with the gang, but it takes time, and he's still so young. |
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greendeltatke
Snowy Owl
Joined: May 08, 2006
Posts: 130
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2008 8:46 am Post subject: |
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| It sounds like you and the school have pretty high expectations. That's great, but are they based on what he demonstrated before, or are they based on what you hoped he would be able to do at this point? Is he really losing skills or is he just not where you thought he would be? |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2727
Location: new england
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| Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2008 11:48 am Post subject: |
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| sounds like things would straighten out quite a bit if he had a behavior support plan....if someone could recognize what sets him off , and then help him.... |
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ouinon
chemical reaction
Joined: Jul 11, 2007
Posts: 5340
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| Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2008 3:11 pm Post subject: |
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could you home school? that's what we do, and i dread to think of the nightmare it would have been if i had insisted he carry on trying school for more than the three weeks or so that he did aged 5.
For instance he has only just this last year, at seven and a half, really learned to read, but amongst homeschoolers this is recognised to be perfectly normal; children learn at diff ages. And he still writes with difficulty. Hates it basically, unless it is labelling a diagram he's drawn for himself to make it clearer. Or to write down a code word for getting into a game level, etc.
And he was still in nappies at night, and somewhat unreliable in the day until well after 6 years old.
And he takes a long time to ask questions, to look at people. etc etc. He is so much happier at home.
If you can, do that. I think schools are unadapted to most children, and are particularly unpleasant for sensitive ones. The huge amounts of noise!! We lived next to a middle school two years ago for a while, and the noise at breaks was horrendous. And in the classrooms not being able to move freely and spontaneously but have to carry on sitting sitting is totally unnatural for children who need to move to finish developing their proprioceptive systems.
Good luck! 
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Gogomom
Butterfly
Joined: Jul 02, 2007
Posts: 13
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| Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2008 7:05 pm Post subject: |
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Wow ! thanks so much for all the replies.
First I would like to say I am sorry if I came across as being too hard on or having too high expectations or treating him like he is doomed. That is not at all what my intention was. I love my son more than words can say. I am so proud of him and all he has done. I just want him to have the best chance at being the best him he can be. I was looking for ways that I could help.
I agree with those of you who said the sensory things get in the way. And after speaking with his special ed teacher he also said that is an area we need to work on. He feels maybe we have an overstim issue.
Innermusic.. I agree about the noises I keep telling them that he can not help it. So again the Special ed teacher is going to work with the OT and see what we can do.
greendeltatke.. He always seemed to work at a more advanced level but now reading all of your responses I am wondering if this is all a sensory issue getting in the way. .
I have thought about homeschool or private school and that may be the next step.
I was wondering if anyone had any ideas of behavior plans to use at home and maybe even at school..
Again that you all so much. I really do not know what I would do without the advice and knowledge from all of you! |
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NewportBeachDude
Deinonychus
Joined: Dec 25, 2007
Posts: 355
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| Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2008 7:49 pm Post subject: |
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Gogomon, your posts does not indicate that you're treating him like he's doomed at all. It shows that you are a concerned parent who's reaching out to get the information you need. And, all parents should have high expectations for their kids. Our job is to get the kids the best resources going in the class so that they can function and succeed.
Kindergarten is all about transitioning. During the course of the day they have many different projects, tasks, individual assignments and the kids are expected to follow instructions and move from one thing to the next. It sounds to me like your kid can benefit from a Para. A Para can help him with the transitions. In addition, see if you can get a behavior mod plan set up to work on transitions outside of the class. I think these two things will help you out a lot, but getting them is sometimes the battle.
Getting a Para through the schools can be like squeezing blood from a turnip. When my wife gets any kind of push back from the school or district, she just asks them, "Do you want him to fail? You know failures reflect poorly on your record as a school." We're good at getting what we want and they hate my wife.
Good luck. |
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DW_a_mom
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 3194
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2008 8:04 pm Post subject: |
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My personal sense is that a behavior plan isn't really appropriate. It doesn't strike me that your son is doing anything so "off" that it warrants the stress to him of working on it. You cannot expect him to be like other children; he will develope at an entirely different pace, far above average in some areas, and far behind in others. It's just who he is, and the more you try to change that, the more behavior issues you will get.
Your son is probably acting out at school because he feels stressed. It may be sensory issues, it may be social, it may be the expectations, or all of the above. My son, for example, never could sit still, and still doesn't, but the school long ago simply stopped asking him to. Funny how little accomodations like that ended up making such a big difference. As long as he can fuss and fidget and sit funny, he will keep quiet and do his work. If they try to stop the constant motion behavior, then he becomes disruptive.
Parenting an Aspie child is really a life of picking your battles. What behavior REALLY matters, and what can you let slide? What behavior is self-calming to him, and thus needs to be allowed if at all possible? What can be channeled for limited periods of time, like during school hours, as long as the child has permission to act his own crazy way when home?
As far as some specific skills go, my son didn't learn to color within the lines until he was 9 or 10, and he still can't tie his shoes properly. This is totally within the range of normal for an Aspie child, and I wouldn't let it worry you. My son has done great in school moving ahead at his own pace, but definitely moving ahead - he would be bored if we held him back from his grade, and it has been universally agreed among the IEP team that that would never be the answer. Still, it's a constant game of catch up in certain areas, like writing and homework, and it probably always will be. That is the burden side to his being Aspie. But the gift side - my, that is rich. My son's standardized test scores are fantastic, and his imagination is actually gaining him fans/groupies among younger kids at school. He constantly invents new games that he shares with kids at school, and some of them have proved very popular. He is also well respected among his peers for his math and science knowledge.
I am glad you are working on the sensory issues - that should help quite a bit. And, then, see what happens if you let your special boy mostly just "be." It could surprise you. |
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CockneyRebel
Mick Avory
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 35
Posts: 22463
Location: 1965 London with Ruby the Routemaster by my side
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| Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2008 10:31 pm Post subject: |
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Treat him like a regular kid, and not like a disabled person.
_________________
Mick Avory is my favourite Kink. He always has been and he always will be. Him and I are two peas in a pod. |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2727
Location: new england
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 10:54 am Post subject: |
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DW_mom~ what you describe is a behavior support plan......i guess that's not how you view it, but a behavior support plan is a plan that helps your child learn appropriate behaviors, and helps staff learn how to best accomoddate your child........not all support plans need to be punitive.
i would ask for a behavior support plan created by a behavioral consultant. it might not necessarily be any better than one created by a teacher, but it would guarantee that someone would actually be taking an objective look at the situation that your son is and assess exactly what's going on...................it's hard to say without observing, what is setting him up. it's hard to say whether or not the behaviors are controllable by your son, or whether or not the staff need to adjust to organic behaviors your son has.
the first step to creating a support plan for your son is observation. what is he good at ? what does he like? what does he difficulty with~ pick one major behavior to work on, and work on that . ? how are your going to reward appropriate behavior ? are you going to ignore inappropriate behavior, or are you going to give a negative consequence ? ( for this, you need to know your child very well....some kids respond better to ignoring the behavior. other kids respond better to negative consequences. by negative consequences, i mean, perhaps, loss of tv for 1 hour...or loss of some other privilege). |
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DW_a_mom
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 23, 2008
Posts: 3194
Location: Northern California
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| Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2008 2:28 pm Post subject: |
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Ster, I guess I'm not into all the official vocabulary, but when we get to the part of the IEP meeting where behavior issues are supposed to be addressed, everyone always looks around the table and says, "we don't need a behavior plan."
I guess I don't like looking at things as behavior plans, because that implies that behavior must be changed or controlled. I look at things with my son more as helping him cope, helping keep him in an environment suitable to his needs, and for everyone around him to look at him carefully as a unique individual, and work with him accordingly. He doesn't need to learn behaviors nearly as much as those around him need to keep from doing things that will stress him needlessly.
Yes, observation is everything. Finding the triggers, identifying cause and effect, and so on. Basically, highly observant parenting. Or teaching. |
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