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Dej
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Aug 16, 2005
Posts: 197
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 Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 4:44 pm Post subject: Why do guys back off like this? |
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I am married but have a good friend named Jeff who I occasionly get to see at a country club. Jeff and I are close and feel very comfortable with each other and natural together, I have always felt a close connection with Jeff and I know he feels it to, but its something we have never discussed or talked about because I am married. We just talk as friends....
Last night while I was playing pool with two strangers. Jeff walked in in a nice dress shirt, he asked me if I was surprised he dressed up I said no and we just laughed and talked together. He sat next to me. The strangers that I was playing with said "Do you want to play the next game with your boyfriend?" (my wedding ring is in the shop) I was smiling and had an embarrassed giggled, then I went to Jeff and said "That guy thought you were my boyfriend."
After this I don't know what happened. Jeff backed away, he sat on the other end of the room and did not talk with me much. When I left he sttod kind of cold and unemotional stuck out his hand for me to shake it......normally he will kiss me on the cheek and give me a hug and say goodbye.
What happened? Did I affend Jeff by what I told him with a little giggle? Did he not want people to think that about us? Why did he back off so suddenly? I know that their is a deep connection between Jeff and I. And I don't want to loose his friendship, I don't have a lot of friends like him, he is different.
Can someone explain to me what happened? If we do have some sort of connection, will he be able to stay backed off for very long? |
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AbominableSnoCone
Cybernetic Vampiric Werewolf Ninja
Joined: Jun 16, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 1678
Location: Jersey
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| Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 4:56 pm Post subject: |
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He's scared... either of the fact that he might become attracted to you, or the fact that he is attracted to you but wants to show respect to your marital vows, or is afraid that people might start spreading rumors about you two.
I think you will be able to stay friends with him... but might I suggest not wearing any 'flirty' clothes when you are going to hang out with him? He's confused about his feelings and that will just make things worse
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Arch101
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Nov 10, 2005
Posts: 40
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| Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 5:05 pm Post subject: |
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| He may have retreated if you sounded "pooh-pooh" about the boyfriend remark. If he doesn't have any other realtionships with women besides with you, he is probably attracted to you, and it probably hurt and offended if you acted unserious about the 'boyfriend' remark. He's sitting in the corner because he's morally conflicted. You have 2 directions you can go right now. Either you can have an affair with him and see if you two really have any future together, or you can both take a time out. If you love your husband, you'll opt for the time out. If he doesn't ask for one soon you will have to do it. Take a few weeks or a couple of months off from each other. Or find him a girlfriend. |
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stlf
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 13, 2004
Posts: 668
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| Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 5:53 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm a bit paranoid about that kind of stuff, but what I might have heard when you giggled was ..."can you believe that they actually thought I would be dating someone like YOU!!!" |
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Danath
Butterfly
Joined: Nov 10, 2005
Age: 24
Posts: 14
Location: Ohio, USA
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| Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 7:15 pm Post subject: |
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ARTIST: Bonnie Raitt
TITLE: Something to Talk About
listen to that song while you ponder your path
as to why he made like a hermit. one could surmise that it may have clicked and he realized that he was in love with you. I'm sure some of you have had this happen...best friends since you were like 5....each been there for the other...and one day you both realize that the this friend is The One. but in this case he would be the only thinking this.
you both should not lose a bond of friendship
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alex
Developer
Joined: Jun 14, 2004
Age: 23
Posts: 6492
Location: DC Metro Area (No. VA)
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| Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 7:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Danath wrote: |
I'm sure some of you have had this happen...best friends since you were like 5....each been there for the other...and one day you both realize that the this friend is The One. |
Happens to me everyday... |
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irishmic
Velociraptor
Joined: Jan 09, 2005
Posts: 405
Location: Los Angeles
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| Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 8:24 pm Post subject: |
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Well you have a few choices:
1) Ask him to be more willing to tell you how he really feels about you then he has ever been
while accepting whatever he tells you.
2) Accept that certain feelings will always get in the way of hetero/bi sexual men and women in closed relationships from being friends
3) Keep on wondering why he is unwilling to converse with you.
4) Change from thinking that he is acting strange to thinking that he is acting perfectly normal.
In no way is this meant to exhaust the list. |
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