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Trugen
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 12, 2008
Posts: 627
Location: What is Perceived as Your Reality
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 Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 4:57 pm Post subject: Re: I'm so socially retarded it's ridiculous... |
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| coolstertothecore wrote: |
It's frustrating because what I'd really like to do is just ask them, but last time i tried to do that, the person i asked kept as far away from me as possible because he thought i was so weird.
Well, never mind...at least I have my boyfriend, which is more than some people have.
Anyone else have this huge gulf between written friendship and face-to-face friendship? |
yeah thatsz happened to me before,
just let people be asses, you dont need those kind of people
as for the second part, not much of a difference
_________________
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Drive to Madness: Love..........and power!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Omni: Potent
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Face of Madness: Myself 
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nomad21
Toucan
Joined: Feb 17, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 286
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| Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 5:30 pm Post subject: |
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| Lazarus wrote: | I think the reason we find written communication very easy but social communication very difficult is because we don't seem to realise that social communication involves a lot more than just the words we use in conversation. There's also the matter of tone, facial expression, body language etc on top of things, and I've come to believe that it's these where our (by which I mean aspies) problems lie. On top of which I don't think it helps that so many of the social norms in society, to me at least, seem quite ridiculous, although the vast majority of people accept them without a second thought.
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I think this may be it for most of us. Because we are so socially inept, we get overwelmed by all the social stuff we have to do all at once. For me, I can't have real life face-to-face conversations, and am very anti-social. It's a struggle for me.
When I get online, I can communicate well through typing and talking through my mic with my friends on my teamspeak server. I think, like mentioned above, this is because I'm not being overwelmed by all the other social stuff: the body language, facial expressions, etc. All I gotta do is type, or all I gotta do is speak. Don't me wrong, I am not perfectly normal when socializing online, but it is a hell of a lot easier for me. |
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Tequila
Brewed in Britain
Joined: Feb 26, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 6496
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 5:36 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm not giving people ID because they ask for it. I have money, they have beer. If I want to kill myself with the help of booze that becomes my problem and nothing to do with the spotty little ape behind the bar. I tend to drink more mature real ales whenever I can anyway. |
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venuseagle
Raven
Joined: Jan 11, 2008
Age: 36
Posts: 119
Location: South of England, UK
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| Posted: Fri Feb 29, 2008 5:03 pm Post subject: |
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| Online is so much easier. Typing is better than 'live'. Gives time to double check, and triple check that I'm not offending someone (not foolproof though). Face to face is extremely difficult and I always end up saying the wrong thing or looking stupid. I'm friends with a neighbour who lives 2 doors away but we never speak in person, we e-mail about once or twice a week instead. |
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EgaoNoGenki
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jan 10, 2007
Posts: 38
Location: Nagasaki^2, Kyushu, Japan
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 12:03 am Post subject: Re: I'm so socially retarded it's ridiculous... |
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| coolstertothecore wrote: |
Well, never mind...at least I have my boyfriend, which is more than some people have.
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If you're dating a boyfriend, why do you have a man on your Avatar? |
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EgaoNoGenki
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jan 10, 2007
Posts: 38
Location: Nagasaki^2, Kyushu, Japan
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| Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 12:15 am Post subject: |
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| Adrie wrote: | This same thing has happened to me! I go out with people and have a fine time, but later they complain that they had no fun. This really scares me, and makes me more nervous about socializing. The rest of the world has such high expectations, and I can't figure out a.) what exactly these expectations are, and b.) what to do differently to meet these expectations...  |
I think being boring is slowly becoming one of the cardinal social sins. We ought to tap in interesting topics to talk about on our PDAs so we never run out of interesting things to say before an evening's over.
I have a hard time figuring out how to be exciting to normal people too, but at least I have a PDA-phone. It looks like in order to be accepted in such casual encounters as these, I have to pre-plan mere casual conversations.
I hate running out of things to talk about and silence getting more deafening every second that passes without a spoken word.
Also there is something called a (Klingon word) Tova'Dok. Worf said there's no exact translation for it but the definition is, there are many things that aren't said. Something to do with reading "between the lines," eye contact, other body language that we may not think about but others may (mis)interpret. The non-verbal mistakes that we don't know we're making may be the reason why things don't turn out as they should in the end. |
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Paperplate
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jan 29, 2008
Age: 33
Posts: 163
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| Posted: Sun Mar 02, 2008 7:21 am Post subject: |
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Be carefull not to be labled as "weird". I don't always know what would be considered as "weird"; it seems like everything I do is "weird". I once showed a collegue a book about hypnotism (fascinating, right?  ) and she went and told everyone to keep an eye on me coz I might be a satanist.
Hate it when ppl use that word for something they don't understand |
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Mishcana
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jul 16, 2007
Posts: 153
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| Posted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 10:21 pm Post subject: |
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To the original poster:
Have you tried contacting /them/? I know for some weird reason, a lot of my friends don't contact me unless something comes up. Sometimes I wonder if they're mad at me, or I did something wrong, because they don't message me. I used to not message them because I was afraid I would annoy them. So, long times would pass between talking with certain friends.
The crazy thing is, they're often just as afraid of bothering you. Isn't that strange? Maybe it's just that most of my friends are ADD/ADHD and they don't think of contacting me, either, sometimes. I notice a lot of my friends are bad at making plans or indicating they want to go out. Some figure you'd know and ask them to go out if you wanted to. |
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UtukXul
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 04, 2008
Posts: 132
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| Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 12:28 am Post subject: |
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| I totally feel you man. I met (I swear) a goddess recently, and even she is an aspie.. We were talking for a while and now it seems like shes not so interested anymore.. Its like wtf.. What did I do?? |
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LabPet
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 05, 2007
Posts: 1633
Location: Alaska
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 12:45 am Post subject: |
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I read OP - I am sorry. I do not think you did anything wrong at all! I am painfully shy and a 'social kindergartener' in some respects. I do ok in my own realm (the laboratory &/or my academic setting) but strangers are scary. I really feel badly since there is an innocence associated with autism - regardless of level of functioning. As if we are judged before even given a chance. NTs can be harsh and I am too sensitive. If this is ok, I pasted this excerpt below. The list is directly from the book indicated (thank you, Dr. Grandin and Mr. Barron)! I actually posted this quite some time ago, but it's relevant now. I added under each point (in bold print) my interpretation (after the arrow sign), but each point by these authors may mean something different to each of you. I have this list printed, lamenated, and posted on my closet door at my apartment. Hope this helps.
From Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships. By Dr. Temple Grandin and Sean Barron:
For Autistics, By Autistics
Rules are not absolute. They are situation-based and people-based
→ For me, this is hard since there is seemingly no logical pattern to social interaction; that is, each interaction is unique.
Not everything is equally important in the grand scheme of things
→ There is a hierarchy.
Everyone in the world makes mistakes. It doesn't have to ruin your day
→ For me, I am conscientious - to a fault! I struggle with confidence so if I feel my performance is not optimal, I feel.....sick. Not only, ‘don't let it ruin your day,’ but don't let it ruin your life! Plus, being autistic, there are simply things I cannot 'fix' about my way of being. I need not apologize for this to anyone ever.
Honesty is different from diplomacy
→ I am honest to a fault. I do care about others (and have empathy) but I think it's important to note that many NTs do not care so much about the truth, but instead just 'saying the right answer.'
Being polite is appropriate in every situation
→ For me, this is straightforward; I am well-mannered. However, I am shy. I am told, others can misinterpret my shyness as being offish - not my intent.
Not everyone who is nice to me is my friend
→ This one is hard for me. Again, I am honest. I interpret literally. If one is kind to me, I simply cannot conceive another may have ulterior motives. But they sometimes do. ‘Nice people' are not necessarily good people (!) and may have no real substance to them, except perhaps their ability to be superficially charming, even manipulative.
People act differently in public than in private
→ I need to realize that one who behaves nicely in a given situation (such as in a profession capacity) may be a really different person in another situation. I believe, for a an autistic, this duality exhibited by NTs can be tough to recognize.
Know when you're turning people off
→ Yes, sometimes hard. NTs can give you a superficial smile, nod, etc. but be thinking something quite different! I cannot 'read' another.
'Fitting in' is often tied to looking and sounding like you fit in
→ I had considered this....maybe 'phony (?),' but I think the true message is to be cognizant of surroundings and expectations, then adapting appropriately.
People are responsible for their own behaviors
→ For me, this one is major. I take everything personally (if the 'offender' is one who is influential), so I invariably feel HURT when another is behaving badly! I need to remember; it's not my fault if another is being mean.
_________________
same nightmare, different nap
Lab Pet, therapist slayer
Lab Pet's video: Autism is Synonymous with Science: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYelVlA7kDw |
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BesideYouInTime
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 29, 2008
Posts: 153
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| Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 6:17 pm Post subject: Re: I'm so socially retarded it's ridiculous... |
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[quote="EgaoNoGenki"] | coolstertothecore wrote: |
If you're dating a boyfriend, why do you have a man on your Avatar? |
Maybe he's gay. It's probably impolite to speculate. |
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