 
Support Wrong Planet Awareness!
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
mollyandbobsmom
Blue Jay
Joined: Jun 19, 2007
Posts: 94
Location: upper midwest
|
 Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 11:31 am Post subject: |
 |
|
| I think having an aspie is awesome! It is also, at times, frustrating and heart wrenching to see the struggles he goes through but he is in general very happy and so sweet and lovable. I wouldn't change him for anything. I would like to get other people to be more tolerant and understand that, as well as respecting cultural diversity, we need to respect individual diversity among all children. He is very eccentric and thankfully, he has a great group of friends at school that love him and help him. His classmates take turns eating lunch with him in the resource room and they all understand when he has a meltdown to give him space. I think if he hadn't found this group of friends it would be a lot harder for him. Asperger's is a part of him, just like his beautiful blue eyes. Watching him makes me smile (even when I have a hard time listening to all the train talk!!) |
|
| Back to top |
|
Nan
Phoenix
![]()
Joined: Mar 02, 2006
Posts: 2936
Location: left coast
|
| Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 8:24 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Well, I'm an Aspie and my child is an Aspie. Quite frankly, I've understood and enjoyed her since the day I laid eyes on her. She makes perfect sense - it's the rest of the world "out there" that would appear to have the issues. We've never gone through the obsession with how we look ("Am I think enough" "My teeth look funny" "OMG I've got a zit") that the neighbors' kids do. We've never had the shallow, meaningless conversation that seems rampant - we don't say anything unless we have something to say. She decides she has an interest, and that's fine with me. Everybody has interests. If she decides she doesn't care for something, that's fine, too. She's just graduated from college and is working, seems happy, and has friends.
I don't know Cockney Rebel, it's been really a good, good ride. Wouldn't change it for the world, nor her.
_________________
Novinson's Revolutionary Discovery: When comes the revolution, things will be different - not better, just different. |
|
| Back to top |
|
sinagua
Deinonychus
Joined: Nov 29, 2007
Posts: 368
Location: Arizona
|
| Posted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 10:50 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| ParkersMom wrote: | | "I have good news and bad news. Bad news: Your son has Asperger's. Good news: Your son has Asperger's" |
This pretty much sums up our experience and feelings on it, as well. It has been rough because neither my husband nor I have a lot of family nearby, and we're not "close" to most of our extended families and don't see them very often. Predictably, some people have been less than understanding. People who are otherwise very sensible, kind, well-meaning people have given us the most AWFUL advice on how to deal with our son's behavioral issues. They think we're too strict - they think we're not strict enough. 
It's unfortunate that we (I) spent so many years just thinking "I must just be a total failure as a mother" and "whatever this is, it's all my fault." It's also unfortunate that we've experienced such difficulties finding, receiving, and sometimes affording appropriate services for our son.
We do see "where he gets it," genetically speaking.  His father and I were both very bright, a little bit "odd", had highly specialized interests, not much interest in people (except we were both hyperlexic and I loved to recite comedies from memory). We both suffered at the hands of bullies and "false friends" in school. We're hoping we can help our son to survive his childhood, because we know he'll be a fantastic adult.  |
|
| Back to top |
|
Mumto2
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Nov 27, 2007
Posts: 60
|
| Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 7:11 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| my son has only just been diagnosed and he is 6. I love him more than my life but our life as a family is very stresfull, difficult and isolated, having said that, life would not be the ! he is clever, kisses me lots (which I cherish) and he is my son. I wish for his sake he didnt have to suffer being "different" whatever that is? My daughter suffers from his behaviour, she gets thrown about and I find this hard. To be honest I envy the way he looks at life, he is like this is how it is and thats it, no big picture - he will go on to do great things, as long as im there to kick him up the but hehehhe x |
|
| Back to top |
|
cesmom
Emu Egg
Joined: Mar 21, 2008
Posts: 1
|
| Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 6:39 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I'm new here; my 7 year-old son was just diagnosed. I'm having some very mixed feelings right now. I adore this little boy, but at the same time I find myself constantly stressed out and often annoyed by his continual demands that I do everything for him--get him something to drink, put in a movie, change it to another movie, no he said a video game, get him something to eat, help him button his pants . . . He rarely listens, often talks, talks loudly . . . He's into reptiles, bugs, rocks, fish. His dad, probably an aspie himself, is a scientist. I teach literature, have abstract thinking skills in the 99 percentile, and I've given birth to this sweet little kid who misunderstands half of what I say and ignores much of the other half.
He's very smart, yes. His grades are all A's this year. But he soils his pants and/or wets himself when stressed and has no more emotional control than a very small child at this point.
We started a little over a year ago seeking help; at frst I thought the problem was a very painful divorce we were going through (or I was) from his dad, who found a 19 year old (I was 46 at the time). That's a very long, complicated story indicative of God knows what kind of boundary confusion among us; he wanted to bring her into our home sort of as a foster child; I let him; she came, she saw, she conquered; things happened . . .. A long, long story!
In any event when I took my son to a psychiatrist, she said he had ADHD; our counselor speculated that he might be oppositional defiiant, though I never quite yielded to that idea, seeing much of his behavior as more helpless than anything else. I thought that (like me) he might be bipolar.
There have been days I felt, quite contrary to fact apparently, that he was messing with my mind. Last summer he entered into several people's apartments without knocking (to show them his gecko, apparently) and had no clue that he'd done anything wrong. It had never occured to me to explain that people don't enter into other people's houses without permission.
He makes up scientific facts and then gets mad when I don't agree with them. He sounds like a science book in terms of the structure of the language, but even so, people are not reptiles or cold-blooded, etc, no matter how loudly he screams that we are. (That was last year. He may have accepted our mammalian nature by now.
He gets so mad at me--often completely unpredictably--that I cannot control him at all, and he can't control himself either. Sometimes he hits or pinches me, sometimes himself. He's already 4 feet tall and better than 80 pounds, which is what I attributed his underdeveloped moter skills to. He has a hard time dressing himself, can't tie shoes or loop belts at all. He just learned finally to ride a bike this year; his fine motor skillls are also problematic especially for teachers who expect to be able to read what he prints (though truthfully mine was far worse at his age).
He goes nuts when he doesn't understand a homework problem; I told him once or twice that rather than cry and scream and beg me to do it for him he should just finish the work and get one wrong. That idea was absolutely unacceptable--anathema.
His teacher told me he was a very literal thinker. It never really occurred to me--not even a little. I did not realize that certain sorts of jokes went past him because I never shared jokes with him.
Now it all adds up. Yesterday I felt relieved to have a clear sense of his behaviors and attitudes as a sign of genuine difference, not deliberate misbehavior. The coherence of all the behaviors as indicative of a single condition made sense of some of the chaos we've been going through. I felt like I could begin a process of understanding and of developing patience and acquiring skills to help him.
Today I'm feeling saddened by the prospect of a long hard road ahead of him. There's a lot I can identify with--being a social outcast, being perceived as "weird," being awkward, uncoordinated, easily frustrated, etc. There are other reasons why, but I've been down a similar path. I had hoped he could have the sort of happiness I never had--that giving happiness to him would somehow compensate for all the pain I've been through in my life.
But maybe, instead, he's mine because I have been there, for whatever reasons, and can understand hs pain if not all his thinking. I realize I frustrate him awfully because I do not always know what he means and can't magically fulflill his demands in those moments when he can't articulate them except in screams or tears. I read that people perceive Asperger's children as lacking in empathy. I wonder if my child feels a lack of empathy from me. I do not intend to miss the messages; teach me to speak his language. Help. |
|
| Back to top |
|
EnglishRose
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Mar 28, 2008
Posts: 27
|
| Posted: Mon Mar 31, 2008 12:20 pm Post subject: Re: I feel awful that I didn’t know |
|
|
| Mum wrote: | I didn’t know anything about Asperger’s syndrome until a few years ago and as I started to learn about it I immediately started making the connection. My daughter is 22 and she is a very good girl. She spoke her first word when she was 15 months old. All her life, everyone believed my daughter was shy. I knew it wasn’t shyness but I didn’t know what it was. I understood she was always very concerned about being correct. She gets very upset when plans change. Whenever I give her a suggestion or any feedback, she gets upset and says I am criticizing her. She doesn’t understand the subtleties of conversation. She had one friend all her life but since they left high school they are no longer close. When she talks it is difficult to tell when she is finished so many times she is hurt and thinks people are interrupting her.
I wish I had known because there were many times when I became frustrated with her and didn’t show any patience. She had difficulty getting and keeping jobs. I was brutally relentless about making her go on interviews and look for jobs. I thought she was trying to avoid being responsible.
She got her associates degree in early childhood development (I am very proud of her) and is currently working at walmart and seems to enjoy it and they seem to appreciate her. She has not been able to get a job in a day care center I think because she sees herself as a playmate and not as a caretaker.
As a parent, I feel awful that I didn’t know what she was dealing with. No doctor or teacher ever suggested that she might need any help of any kind.
Now, I want to understand what we can do to ensure that she can enjoy a full life.
Mum |
Hiya Mum!
I found your post so helpful and exactly how i am, i am sure my daughter is an Aspie, her behaviour and reactions makes me sure. I am waiting on diagnoses for her and am looking at a several month wait which is very disheartening. The way your daughter is sounds just like mine, she is 15 next month and i am trying my best for her. She has only today accepted there is something unique about her and i told her no matter what, she is still my Hayley and nothing will
ever change that, no hugs though, she can't stand them
Love Maria |
|
| Back to top |
|
NayNay2
Hummingbird
Joined: Apr 08, 2008
Posts: 21
Location: Cincinnati
|
| Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 12:19 am Post subject: |
|
|
| I'm sitting here reading all of these replies.. laughing at times b/c my son does a lot of the same things and yet sad b/c he does some of the same things. You always tend to feel alone when dealing with your child and their "quirks/issues" but now I don't feel so alone. My son is so smart but struggles with daily homework, he gets so frustrated that he has melt downs left and right. His world revolves around video games and he would play them all day and night if we'd let him-not a chance He really doesn't have any friends at school and the ones he would consider his friends are just the kids who haven't picked on him. He has to be so lonely being him...thats what really breaks me heart the most. He's such a sweet kid that still loves to cuddle and hug I just wish everyone could know him the way I do. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Triangular_Trees
What is right is sometimes found on the left.
Joined: Jul 18, 2007
Posts: 1572
|
| Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 12:45 am Post subject: |
|
|
| NayNay2 wrote: | | I'm sitting here reading all of these replies.. laughing at times b/c my son does a lot of the same things and yet sad b/c he does some of the same things. You always tend to feel alone when dealing with your child and their "quirks/issues" but now I don't feel so alone. My son is so smart but struggles with daily homework, he gets so frustrated that he has melt downs left and right. His world revolves around video games and he would play them all day and night if we'd let him-not a chance He really doesn't have any friends at school and the ones he would consider his friends are just the kids who haven't picked on him. He has to be so lonely being him...thats what really breaks me heart the most. He's such a sweet kid that still loves to cuddle and hug I just wish everyone could know him the way I do. |
That doesn't necessarily means hes lonely. I can't stand going out places with most people. i've tried it, and I find myself waiting until I can get home. My bf is an exception to that, but then he's an aspie and we both give each other alone time when we're together.
If bf wasn't in my life I wouldn't ever go anywhere with anyone, unless you count speaking to people before/after lectures or classes. And I wouldn't be lonely. I know this for a fact because I have done it. When i was 19 my factory was closed for roughly the entire winter break. I left my apartment once to buy groceries. I wasn't lonely. I liked the peace and quiet of it |
|
| Back to top |
|
NayNay2
Hummingbird
Joined: Apr 08, 2008
Posts: 21
Location: Cincinnati
|
| Posted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 12:56 am Post subject: |
|
|
| Quote: | | That doesn't necessarily means hes lonely |
I do understand what you mean and sometimes he'd rather be alone too, but he's also expressed that he doesn't like school b/c he doesn't have any friends and nobody will play with him etc... So he does at times feel that he doesn't fit in and have friends thats what I meant by that. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Sue0712
Emu Egg
Joined: Apr 16, 2008
Posts: 2
Location: Long Island, NY
|
| Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 10:12 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I am new to this site and also new to Asperger's Syndrome, although, my son is 29 yrs. old!
I related very much to the posting of EnglishRose. My son has studied behavorial disorders in college and discovered on his own that he may have Asperger's Syndrome. Anthony, is a warm and very compassionate person. He had lots of trouble getting along in school with classmates and just seemed to "not fit in".
Anthony is above average in intellegence and due to a diagnosis of ADD when he was young he attended public school but was in special education, self-contained classrooms.
Along the way, he discovered that he found working with other children with disabilites was very rewarding for him. He used to take two boys, one with Ceberal Palsey and the other had Downs Syndrome, around the block to trick or treat on Halloween. Once he began to drive, he decided that he wanted to take his new friends out every Friday night as a treat to them. So he would pick up the boys wheelchair and all and take them wherever they wanted to go, the mall, Fridays for dinner or whatever they wanted. Soon he decided that he would like to work with disabled population as a career so he studied behavorial disorers in college. One day he just came to me and said, "Mom, I think I may have Asperger's Syndrome" and began to list the very clinical reasons why.
I was shocked, and almost did not know how to react. Everything he was saying was so true to his personality. It was like a calming feeling of relief came over me................AHHH .. FINALLY... an explaination to all the difficulties that Anthony experienced througout his life!!! Finally we have a path that we could follow. For all his life we knew that Anthony was on the "WRONG PLANET" but we were clueless to the term Asperger's Syndrome.
Looking back, I now realize that Anthony was not only being a giving and caring person by taking the boys out, but HE truly enjoyed their company. When he was with them he was relaxed, they laughed and talked together like best friends. He was comfortable with them, they laughed at his jokes and looked to him for guidence. This was a rewarding situation for Anthony, unlike any of his experiences with mainstream society.
We are currently seeking a Developmental Psyciatrist in our area with hopes of reaching a diagnosis for Anthony. I look forward to learning how we can help him fell confident and have a productive and happy life. Anthony has had so much difficulty fitting in to society that the greatest joy we could find is to see him have a happy and productive life.
Oh, and by the way, he still take the two boys out EVERY friday night..! |
|
| Back to top |
|
Sue0712
Emu Egg
Joined: Apr 16, 2008
Posts: 2
Location: Long Island, NY
|
| Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 10:25 pm Post subject: To :NayNay2 |
|
|
So much of what you described sounds like my son's life in school that I had to read it twice!!
Fear not! He will find a circle of friends and he will learn how to fit in. Don't despair, I know how your heart goes out to him. I lived with the same sympathy for my son, Anthony. He endured so much ridicule in school. He did have sessions with a psycologist which seemed to help. He amazes me because he is determined to find himself a "place" on this planet, and he will. Even at 29 he is still struggling and sometimes has to quit his job because co-workers don't accept him. Never the less, he forges ahead. He is about to get his Bachelor's degree in Psycology, he needs to complete one more course....Statistics! Ugh, which he has already failed twice, but he will not give up.
We give him lots of love and support and although living with him is sometimes.....well....more than frustrating, we know he is a special person who is striving to find himself and each day he gets closer to doing so. |
|
| Back to top |
|
prouddad
Emu Egg
Joined: Apr 07, 2008
Posts: 4
|
| Posted: Thu Apr 17, 2008 9:48 pm Post subject: Parent of an Aspie and proud of it |
|
|
| I wish the world could be half as accepting as they are judgemental. My two aspies are the greatest in the world, although high maintenance, I wouldn't change a thing about them except their vulnerability in an unforgiving world. |
|
| Back to top |
|
bookwormde
Raven
Joined: May 04, 2008
Posts: 105
|
| Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 11:22 am Post subject: |
|
|
It is the most wonderful experience possible. Seeing your child grow enfettered by conventional intellectual restraints is a beautiful thing. The places his mind can go already are way beyond what most people will experience in a whole lifetime.
Yea the social interface thing is a challenge, but a small price to pay.
bookworm |
|
| Back to top |
|
benju
Emu Egg
Joined: May 01, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 2
|
| Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 12:26 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I'm just getting started. Well... I have two years of it so far. I have twin boys who are both on the spectrum. They were just diagnosed this week. They're 5 and they are amazing. I love the challenge. A random old skater punk having to grow up...late, but better now than later, eh? I'm 30  |
|
| Back to top |
|
9CatMom
Ailurophile
Joined: Jan 02, 2007
Posts: 5351
|
| Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 8:37 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Sue,
Your son is truly loving and compassionate. Due to my own differences I have been interested in various disability issues, such as cerebral palsy and Down Syndrome. It is great that Anthony has been able to help and befriend other people with differences. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
