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autisticdiva
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jul 12, 2007
Posts: 42
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
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 Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 10:51 am Post subject: Upcoming date, have a question. |
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Last night a guy that I met at church called me up and asked me to go out with him on the weekend after Easter (He will be out of town Easter weekend). He suggested going to the Saturday evening Mass and then going out to dinner afterwards. The problem is, he didn't say which particular restaurant he wanted to go to. There are a lot of restaurants near the church. I have some coupons for some restaurants in the area that are a buy one entree, get one entree free deal. I think he is an old-fashioned kind of guy as he is 44 and I am 37; he paid for dinner the last time I went out with him after church. I had money with me and asked if he needed any money for the tip or anything like that. He declined my offer.
So would it be rude of me to say "I found these coupons at home. We might as well use them."? I don't think going Dutch is an option in this case. Going Dutch means each person pays for his/her own share. I don't want him to think I am just going out with him for a free meal. I also don't want to insult him by implying that he has no money. If things were further along I could invite him over and cook a meal for him but we have only gone out a few times and so I don't feel comfortable inviting him over for dinner just yet. There are some free concerts coming up in May and so I figured I could mention the free concerts and offer to make a picnic dinner to go along with the outdoor concerts. But what do I do in the meantime? It feels like a no-win situation. I don't want him to think I am a gold digger and I don't want to insult his pride. ARGGG!! What should I do? |
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Mudboy
Deinonychus
Joined: May 20, 2007
Posts: 388
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 12:23 pm Post subject: |
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Women expecting men to pay for meals is not gold digging. Gold digging is asking for, or expecting gifts. Maybe asking to go to the most expensive restaurant in the area is too.
Is the restaurant that you have coupons for, one you really want to go to?
If so, pull out the coupons and say you want to go there.
If not, leave the coupons at home. You can spend time together discussing what sounds yummy.
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When I lose an obsession, I feel lost until I find another. |
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0_equals_true
Quack!
Joined: Apr 06, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 4718
Location: London
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20, 2008 2:12 pm Post subject: |
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Going dutch doesn't imply you've got no money but as he has already paid for dinner it would be more customary to pay this time round, unless you want to set a precedent of him always paying. I don't think there is anything wrong with using coupon either. It shows you are smart. However you should suggest the restaurant that you want to go to, or allow him to choose one. Just say this one is 'on you' so there is no confusion, and mention that you have meal tickets if relevant.
You are only a gold digger if you purposefully seek to make financial gain out of him. |
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Roy
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jul 15, 2007
Age: 33
Posts: 37
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 1:23 pm Post subject: |
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| 0_equals_true wrote: | Going dutch doesn't imply you've got no money but as he has already paid for dinner it would be more customary to pay this time round, unless you want to set a precedent of him always paying. I don't think there is anything wrong with using coupon either. It shows you are smart. However you should suggest the restaurant that you want to go to, or allow him to choose one. Just say this one is 'on you' so there is no confusion, and mention that you have meal tickets if relevant.
You are only a gold digger if you purposefully seek to make financial gain out of him. |
I completely agree with 0_equals_true. There's nothing wrong with letting him pay for a second time round if he insists, but if those coupons are for a restaurant that you really want to go to, it makes perfect sense to use the coupons and I'm sure he'll see it that way as well. Everybody will try and save a bit of money now and then. |
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the_incident
Raven
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 32
Posts: 110
Location: United States of America
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24, 2008 4:40 pm Post subject: |
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I don't think mentioning that you have a good coupon would be insulting his pride. I agree with Roy that everyone likes to save a few bucks, and he'll probably appreciate it.
If he does get offended, well, that tells you something about him, too.
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I'm not autistic, although I do not consider myself neurotypical. I've been diagnosed with major depression and socially avoidant personality. Bonus: bipolar disorder.
~My soul must be iron, because my fear is naked.~ |
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juliekitty
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 26, 2006
Posts: 1715
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| Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 11:17 pm Post subject: Re: Upcoming date, have a question. |
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| autisticdiva wrote: | | There are some free concerts coming up in May and so I figured I could mention the free concerts and offer to make a picnic dinner to go along with the outdoor concerts. But what do I do in the meantime? |
Graciously accept.  |
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Driven
Hummingbird
Joined: Jul 27, 2007
Age: 108
Posts: 20
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 1:49 am Post subject: |
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Maybe I'm in the minority here, but I'd be rather confused, maybe even insulted, if I took a girl out to dinner (taking her out implies I'm paying) and she brought coupons along for me to use. It would almost come off as controlling to me, as if she thinks I'm not capable of managing my finances wisely.
On the other hand, if a girl asked to take me out, implying that she is paying, I couldn't care less if she used coupons. Her finances, her business. |
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DuceXcreW
Sea Gull
Joined: Oct 10, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 221
Location: New York
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 11:57 pm Post subject: |
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Regarding coupons, either leave them at home, or (best solution ever, thank you, *bows*) say something like "You know, I came across these coupons for this restaurant I [really like]/[haven't been to in a while but adore]/[never went to and have been interested in trying it out] -- would you like to go there tonight?"
I mean, coupons. I'm not trying to be mean, but they are just kind of strange to introduce early on in a relationship. They give off a vibe, and for what -- saving $22? Your concern for finance is nice and I am sure that he would appreciate it, but I'm just saying, as a male, I think I would be so confused and taken aback if on a date with a newer girl she was like "Hey. Coupons. Come on man-unit." And the only way I can think of making it not sound weird is if you use one of the above three lines, because then you put it all on YOU and what YOU want, and if HE wants to please YOU he will go with YOU to use YOUR coupons (but not in an evil and controlling way)
I just want to point out, I'm a bit biased. I've had many bad coupon-based incidents in my life. My mom had AS and. seriously. obsessed. over coupons. Even when they expired, she'd hold on to them... She'd use coupons even if they went out of her way and were for a product we didn't want or need.... scary... |
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