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GreatScott
Emu Egg
Joined: Feb 25, 2008
Age: 16
Posts: 8
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 Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 7:57 pm Post subject: Breaking Up |
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| I'm dating a guy at my school, and I do like him but I'm just not sure I *like* him. He's really intense, and is always telling me how much he loves me, and wants to live with me after we graduate and stuff, and I don't know what to say to that. I don't want to hurt his feelings, and I like being his friends it's just being with him is really stressing me out and sort of- making me more noticibly Autie, is the best way to describe it, I guess. Does any one have any tips on telling some one you don't want to go out any more? |
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alex
Developer
Joined: Jun 14, 2004
Age: 21
Posts: 6075
Location: DC Metro Area
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 8:35 pm Post subject: Re: Breaking Up |
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| GreatScott wrote: | | I'm dating a guy at my school, and I do like him but I'm just not sure I *like* him. He's really intense, and is always telling me how much he loves me, and wants to live with me after we graduate and stuff, and I don't know what to say to that. I don't want to hurt his feelings, and I like being his friends it's just being with him is really stressing me out and sort of- making me more noticibly Autie, is the best way to describe it, I guess. Does any one have any tips on telling some one you don't want to go out any more? |
this is a common problem. But sometimes the relationship is salvageable so you have to determine if this is the case before breaking things off. If you could tell him he's being too intense, it may fix the problem. If he stopped being so intense would you still want to break up?
If the answer is yes and you still need to break up, the best way to do it is in person with a very detailed explanation of why you're breaking up so he will learn from his mistakes in the next relationship (otherwise he just leaves feeling confused and personally hurt and may even do the same thing to his next girlfriend). You may think it would be nicer not to tell him the truth but it's actually worse to just break up without the true explanation.
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ford_prefects_kid
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 18, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 311
Location: CA: Los Angeles and Berkeley
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 8:39 pm Post subject: |
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Ugh. I had a similar situation in high school. He was a good guy, but just...waaaaay too intense for me at that time.
There's no easy way to break up with someone. But I would suggest you make sure you do it in person- even if the status of the relationship comes up over the phone, just say this is something you need to talk about with him face to face. If you tell him how you feel over the phone, he might hold it over your head later (in my experience).
Also, just make sure you're firm about how you feel. Tell him what you just posted, and how the relationship is stressing you out. He might try to bargain with "well don't you love me a little?" and "what if I don't do [such and such behavior] anymore?" Be nice of course, but just stick to how you feel. Entertaining his possibilities would just prolong the break-up for both of you, and make it even more painful.
Breaking up with someone is a tough thing to do, but I think it falls along the lines of the "ripping off the bandaid" metaphor...quicker is easier. Hope it goes ok for you. |
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GreatScott
Emu Egg
Joined: Feb 25, 2008
Age: 16
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 8:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Thanks for responding so quick like! =) I'll try to just tell him tommorrow. |
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D1nk0
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 12, 2007
Age: 29
Posts: 1323
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 8:44 pm Post subject: Re: Breaking Up |
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| GreatScott wrote: | | I'm dating a guy at my school, and I do like him but I'm just not sure I *like* him. He's really intense, and is always telling me how much he loves me, and wants to live with me after we graduate and stuff, and I don't know what to say to that. I don't want to hurt his feelings, and I like being his friends it's just being with him is really stressing me out and sort of- making me more noticibly Autie, is the best way to describe it, I guess. Does any one have any tips on telling some one you don't want to go out any more? |
So when you say *intense* you mean he's way too serious and wants a deeper relationship than you're ready for? I find it irritating that women are so scared of intense men. I cant even begin to tell you how many times Ive been told by women
the likes of "you scare me a little.......you're very intense and aggressive and it makes me uncomfortable"  .
I would LUV to have a woman say to me what he's said to you *sigh*  . |
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alex
Developer
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Age: 21
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Location: DC Metro Area
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 8:45 pm Post subject: |
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| GreatScott wrote: | | Thanks for responding so quick like! =) I'll try to just tell him tommorrow. |
Good luck! 
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Kilroy
Three of Eight
Joined: Apr 25, 2007
Posts: 9138
Location: The Collective
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 8:51 pm Post subject: |
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2 words
Phil Collins
he can tell you what to do  
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juliekitty
Phoenix
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Age: 42
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:38 pm Post subject: |
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| "I really like you, but I feel you're moving a lot faster than me. Can you please give me some time to just relax with you and sort out my feelings?" |
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madam_mim
Butterfly
Joined: Mar 17, 2008
Posts: 15
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 10:02 pm Post subject: Re: Breaking Up |
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| D1nk0 wrote: | | GreatScott wrote: | | I'm dating a guy at my school, and I do like him but I'm just not sure I *like* him. He's really intense, and is always telling me how much he loves me, and wants to live with me after we graduate and stuff, and I don't know what to say to that. I don't want to hurt his feelings, and I like being his friends it's just being with him is really stressing me out and sort of- making me more noticibly Autie, is the best way to describe it, I guess. Does any one have any tips on telling some one you don't want to go out any more? |
So when you say *intense* you mean he's way too serious and wants a deeper relationship than you're ready for? I find it irritating that women are so scared of intense men. I cant even begin to tell you how many times Ive been told by women
the likes of "you scare me a little.......you're very intense and aggressive and it makes me uncomfortable" .
I would LUV to have a woman say to me what he's said to you *sigh* . |
Then again, you are older than GreatScott.  |
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poopylungstuffing
Dysfunctional
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 32
Posts: 3001
Location: on the wrong side of the tracks
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 11:52 pm Post subject: |
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beware the perils of getting trapped into a too-intense relationship when you are too young to handle it. It is ok to break up with someone. I got into my first major relationship when i was 15. I was too emotionally immature to handle it...and the experience ended up being really hard on me...i was with the guy for 6 years...very very bad.....don't do what I did...it is ok not to be ready for a serious commitment at your age. Maybe the two of you really can manage to remain friends after a while....It is romantic idealism that is one of the foils of human relationships.
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Danielismyname
The only monster is in his head
Joined: Apr 03, 2007
Posts: 4524
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 12:14 am Post subject: |
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I don't know if this is just me, but I'd never start a relationship with someone if I don't think/feel I could die for or with them.
I'd never put someone through the pain of loss, so I'd never start something I knew I couldn't finish when it affects someone other than me.
But then, this is my subjective opinion of emotions (those lovely things that are hard to define with words; actions can explain much of them however).
Of course, it does depend on how one subjectively defines relations and love. |
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ToadOfSteel
This is the right planet... out there, somewhere..
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 1457
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 12:17 am Post subject: |
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Maybe, as other people are saying, it's not so much the person's likes and what not, it's the fact that certain people have different levels of emotional maturity... In late middle school and early high school, everyone was saying that I was too serious about nearly everything, but around junior year, I loosened up alot... I went from the maturity of a 6 or 7-year-old to that of a 21-year-old almost overnight.
What I would say is you should probably officially break up with him as soon as possible, but try to remain friends with him. If, later on, either of you change in such a way that a relationship can be restarted, then by all means do so. If not, then you can go your separate ways with no penalty. Just don't tell him that you might want to start it up again later; that's stringing him along, and it will discourage him from pursuing other relationships in the hopes that he can get back with you... |
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