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Sora
Immortal
Joined: Sep 16, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 2118
Location: Europe
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 Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 12:53 pm Post subject: |
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I had no eye-contact whatsoever until I was diagnosed and read up on how there exists eye-contact. Why it's important and so on.
I tried and tried and now I have some eye-contact. At first I couldn't keep track of my own thoughts or continue speaking when trying eye-contact. I had to find a good strategy, find out what causes me trouble. I now look - but don't see. Or see but don't look? Something like that. Nobody notices.
By now I think it's quite good, for having no eye-contact before. Maybe slightly below-average? Everyone's reacting to it already, people are way more friendly. Actually listen to what I say. The reaction of others has changed immensely. Now I often find that I forget to look someone in the eyes. It still happens frequently that I go without eye-contact entirely because I can't remember to do it!
Still, eyes are very ugly. It's a nightmare to look into them. Most are ugly to me that is. I know... one person with the most amazing eyes and some more with tolerable, but not beautiful eyes. The majority of people, friendly and nice or rude and bullying just have ugly eyes. When I look into them, I finally identified that I feel absolutely disgusted. I can't choose whose eyes I find tolerable. |
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sonny1471
Sea Gull
Joined: Sep 20, 2007
Age: 37
Posts: 207
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 2:50 pm Post subject: |
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If it's someone I'm familiar with, I can make some limited eye contact but I still don't like it very much. If it's someone I'm not familiar with (cashier at a store, stranger in a hallway, etc.) I'll just look down or look away as I'm speaking.
The other thing I tend to do is I'll look at someone briefly and then rub my eyes to break eye contact or look at my computer screen or whatever else is around and then look back.
If I try to hard to concentrate on making eye contact, I'll lose track of what the person is saying or blank out completely. |
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samtoo
Umbreon will never cease
Joined: May 13, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 1731
Location: England... lemme out! :(
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 3:07 pm Post subject: |
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Sorta inconsistently on and off... if that makes sense.
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Jeyradan
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 17, 2008
Posts: 384
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 3:12 pm Post subject: |
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In normal circumstances, I don't do eye contact (except with one or two people I am really comfortable with).
I look at the floor, the desk, the walls, objects that catch my eye, the person's clothes, anything.
I prefer conversations that take place in cars, on walks, situations where the people are naturally not facing one another.
If it's really important to make eye contact, I focus on the person's chest or mouth, which sometimes makes them think I'm making eye contact. Which is close enough.
If I get very frustrated or angry with someone, I will sometimes revert to a forceful, fixed stare, as if I am trying to "battering ram" my perspective into them, or somehow force them to listen by looking at them. I don't maintain it for long.
Edit:
| MJIthewriter wrote: | That is unless I am extrememly pissed off, then you can expect a direct stare, with minimal blinking... This is a rather deliberate stare and I don't do it often because it is painful. In such a case I hope to transfer some of that pain and anxiety to the person I am staring at.
To put it bluntly, if I am making eye contact with you... that isn't a good sign. |
WELL PUT.
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"Can you imagine how liberating it would be to live a life free of all the mind-numbing social niceties?"
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Last edited by Jeyradan on Fri Mar 28, 2008 3:38 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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darkstone100
.....
Joined: Mar 05, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 3657
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 3:19 pm Post subject: |
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| normally when I talk to people(strangers or people I've met only a couple of times) I'll stare over their shoulder or not face them when I'm talking to them. |
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MJIthewriter
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Mar 19, 2008
Age: 25
Posts: 180
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 3:35 pm Post subject: |
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For me direct eye contact feels like having a lazar pointer shined into my eyes. Ouch.
I don't do eye contact. If I accidentally glance into your eyes, good. As soon as I notice, I look away. The closest I get to normal eye contact is to look at someone's face with my eyes unfocused.
That is unless I am extrememly pissed off, then you can expect a direct stare, with minimal blinking... This is a rather deliberate stare and I don't do it often because it is painful. In such a case I hope to transfer some of that pain and anxiety to the person I am staring at.
To put it bluntly, if I am making eye contact with you, I mean actually staring into your pupil and not the corner of your eye or your nose, etc, that isn't a good sign.
Now if I can get that message through some people's thick skulls, maybe we can go somewhere. |
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Elovic
Butterfly
Joined: Aug 12, 2007
Posts: 15
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 4:05 pm Post subject: |
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I've been told I make very good eye contact. But I don't like it too much, only when I feel very comfortable or if I want attention from someone. For me looking someone in the eye really means something, but for most it doesn't. When I was little kinder garten teachers locked me into a room with them and they were telling me I wouldn't make eye contact cos I was guilty (of something) while I was crying and wanting to leave, they were two on one, staring at me!
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tybald
Raven
Joined: Feb 08, 2008
Posts: 115
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:06 pm Post subject: |
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| Yeah my eye contact's terrible. I tend to look at someone's face at best if I'm talking to them but usually at objects in the room etc. |
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Smelena
Cure Neurotypicals Now!
Joined: Apr 02, 2007
Posts: 2112
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:44 pm Post subject: |
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| Danielismyname wrote: |
I'll tell you what I find extremely rude, people who hold your chin and try to force your head up when they stand in front of you to make eye contact; an auntie did such to me the other month. Naturally, she couldn't move my head. |
If someone did that to one of my kids I'd be extremely tempted to practice my Taekwondo on them!
Helen
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Jamie06
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 11, 2006
Age: 20
Posts: 919
Location: Crawley, West Sussex, UK
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 8:28 pm Post subject: |
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| I can hold it for a little bit, although I have my moments where I need to blink or look away for 1 sec and then look back again. |
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loske
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Oct 10, 2007
Posts: 68
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 8:31 pm Post subject: |
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| I will never forget when I was in high school a teacher that I really liked and admired yelled at me for not making eye contact. 10years later and it still crosses my mind almost every time I'm face to face with someone. I never knew it was an unusual before that. |
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RohrbachDS
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Feb 15, 2008
Age: 15
Posts: 188
Location: Pennsylvania, US
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 8:35 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm pretty much horrible with eye contact. I would rather look anywhere else then in a person's eyes. I think this is why my mom always thought (and still thinks sometimes) that I am lying; because I cannot look her in the eye when I tell her things. |
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Tantybi
Butterfly
Joined: Mar 06, 2008
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 10:54 pm Post subject: |
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I generally look at people's mouths when they talk because that's where the noise comes out. It would be more logical to do that than the eye thing, so I don't know what idiot decided we have to make eye contact when we are talking and listening to people (probably was the same idiot that decided certain words are cuss words). When I do make eye contact in a conversation, it seems to intimidate, so I save that for special occasions (like basic training). From a distance, I purposely avoid making eye contact cause guys then think I'm trying to hit on them if I do.
I will say the cool thing at looking at mouths is that you start to learn how to read lips a little. Like if I'm in a noisy place, I can't understand someone unless I see their mouths move and hear a little of what they are saying. I really wish I was so good at reading lips that I could watch people from a distance and know exactly what they are saying.
Oh, and one thing I noticed lately, if I do try to make eye contact when I don't really want to, I end up staring I think. I'm not sure what everyone means by staring, but it's like the person blurrs, and I've always wondered if they notice (that I'm not really looking at them). |
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richardbenson
frostbitten kingdom worlds
Joined: Oct 31, 2006
Posts: 8172
Location: you cant live somewhere hot. you need subzero tempatures
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 11:28 pm Post subject: |
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| its too painful. when i used to look at people i'd see the terminator under there skin. i dont know if i actually saw this but the sensations of looking at someone in the face was that real |
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527
Butterfly
Joined: Mar 23, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 10
Location: Portland, OR
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 11:46 pm Post subject: Re: How is your eye contact? |
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| Age1600 wrote: | | I must say my eye contact consists of either, no eye contact at all, or I stare lol. I've had many nts literally give me no eye contact because I just stare at them haha. |
Haha, I'm pretty much the same way. Sometimes when I'm talking to someone I'll focus so hard on trying to keep eye contact that I just end up blankly starting at them. |
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