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Brandon-J
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 12, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 415
Location: North Carolina
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 Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 2:37 am Post subject: |
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| I would like an family so sure and live a life like everybody else. But i know that isn't very possible becuz of me having aspergers. I just appear too strange and quiet to have a girlfriend. If I ever had one then you have to meet her family and such and get along with them which will set my anxiety up alot. Because I don't really talk much to my own family so how I do I expect to get to know her family? Also the responsiblity of raising a child. I don't think I could fit the father role emotionally.It just seems out of reach to have a family.... |
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TheDoctor82
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 29, 2008
Posts: 144
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 2:59 am Post subject: |
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No no, here's the cool thing- see, here's two reasons( among many others) why I believe my g/f is the one:
1. We Aspies don't do much dating- it's just that simple. You know why.
2. We have a very difficult time feeling almost any emotion. So when you have to "feel that connection" with the one you love...yeah, not that easy for us. If we feel at least a LITTLE bit, and go by other things, then it's more likely.
And btw- the fact that SHE WENT AFTER ME puts her over the top  |
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aspergian_mutant
Learning to Walk
Joined: Oct 28, 2004
Posts: 1479
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 8:22 am Post subject: |
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| TheDoctor82 wrote: | No no, here's the cool thing- see, here's two reasons( among many others) why I believe my g/f is the one:
1. We Aspies don't do much dating- it's just that simple. You know why.
2. We have a very difficult time feeling almost any emotion. So when you have to "feel that connection" with the one you love...yeah, not that easy for us. If we feel at least a LITTLE bit, and go by other things, then it's more likely.
And btw- the fact that SHE WENT AFTER ME puts her over the top |
Hehe, My last girlfriend was Aspi, she went for me as well,
then she got board real fast, our baby was not even 8 months old,
and she started obsessing over other men, eventualy our relationship came not only to and end,
butr she is trying to strip our child form me as well just to get me out of her life as much as she can. |
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TheDoctor82
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 29, 2008
Posts: 144
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 2:57 pm Post subject: |
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Nah, my lady's no Aspie. And like I said, those are just TWO of the reasons- we also have a lot in common, and well...let's just say I'm the first guy she's dated that her mother actually LIKES.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation though. If my babe and I make it to tying the knot( which I still think we will), one thing I've always been recommended is about prenups, so I gotta check into that. |
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Chibi_Neko
Want a Cookie
Joined: Oct 24, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 1002
Location: Newfoundland, Canada
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 3:06 pm Post subject: |
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I am getting married soon, but I have no desire to have kids, at least not now, there are too many things I want to do and kids will just tie me down.
In a few years.... who knows, but it would not suprise me if I never have children.
_________________
Humans are intelligent, but that doesn't make them smart. |
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gbollard
the oncoming storm
Joined: Oct 06, 2007
Age: 39
Posts: 3065
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 5:07 pm Post subject: |
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| TheDoctor82 wrote: | | I definitely want a family one day- and still do believe that my girlfriend is "the one". Now, I'll be 26 in a few days...I don't even want to tie the knot until I'm in my very early '30s at least, then maybe wait a few more years for kids. |
1. Does your girlfriend know and agree to the long term plan? If you're not clear (and repeating it frequently) then she might not stick around.
2. I got married at 28 - it was a fine age to get married... but... then you should stay married for at least a couple of years before kids. Just to make sure that you can keep the marriage working.
3. We did that, but I wish I'd had kids earlier now... I don't have the same sort of patience or abilities now as I did even a few years ago. Ergo, I wish I'd gotten married at 26.
_________________
Gavin.
http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/ |
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Odin
Supreme Genius
Joined: Oct 13, 2006
Age: 22
Posts: 1885
Location: Moorhead, Minnesota, USA
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 12:14 am Post subject: |
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I ADORE kids, but I don't really think I have what it takes to be a parent. I do enjoy being "silly Uncle Tay" though.  my 18-month-old nephew is so attached to me it's hilarious. 
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My Blog: http://selzshaven.blogspot.com |
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Orwell
Outer Party Member
Joined: Aug 09, 2007
Age: 18
Posts: 3709
Location: Room 101
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 1:04 am Post subject: |
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| richardbenson wrote: | i go by what my lord has said:
29. Jesus said, "If the flesh came into being because of spirit, that is a marvel, but if spirit came into being because of the body, that is a marvel of marvels.
Yet I marvel at how this great wealth has come to dwell in this poverty."
30. Jesus said, "Where there are three deities, they are divine. Where there are two or one, I am with that one."
49. Jesus said, "Congratulations to those who are alone and chosen, for you will find the kingdom. For you have come from it, and you will return there again." |
What book is that from? It doesn't sound familiar...
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WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH |
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TheDoctor82
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 29, 2008
Posts: 144
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 2:12 am Post subject: |
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| gbollard wrote: | | TheDoctor82 wrote: | | I definitely want a family one day- and still do believe that my girlfriend is "the one". Now, I'll be 26 in a few days...I don't even want to tie the knot until I'm in my very early '30s at least, then maybe wait a few more years for kids. |
1. Does your girlfriend know and agree to the long term plan? If you're not clear (and repeating it frequently) then she might not stick around.
2. I got married at 28 - it was a fine age to get married... but... then you should stay married for at least a couple of years before kids. Just to make sure that you can keep the marriage working.
3. We did that, but I wish I'd had kids earlier now... I don't have the same sort of patience or abilities now as I did even a few years ago. Ergo, I wish I'd gotten married at 26. |
Considering I'm, apparently, the first guy she's dated that her mom actually likes, and that her previous boyfriend nearly tried rushing her into marrying him- which she "accepted", but not happily- I don't think I should have too many problems there.
I've told her I want to be much more financially sound first, which she totally understands. I also explained to her that the "level" of our relationship that we're on now is good- and rather than just jumping to the next level now, that we should mature and progress on the level we're on first- which she agreed with.
No, you don't wish you had- BELIEVE me. I'm 26 in 2 days, and I'm glad I'm not married just YET...but I do believe I'm at least with the one I DO want it to be with... |
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gbollard
the oncoming storm
Joined: Oct 06, 2007
Age: 39
Posts: 3065
Location: Sydney, Australia
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 7:18 pm Post subject: |
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| TheDoctor82 wrote: | | No, you don't wish you had- BELIEVE me. I'm 26 in 2 days, and I'm glad I'm not married just YET...but I do believe I'm at least with the one I DO want it to be with.. |
Sometimes I wish I had my freedom back but sometimes I wish I'd done everything sooner so that I'd be younger/more able. You can't have both.
I'm glad that you're on the right track.
Just keep revisiting/reminding about the timeline and keep listening to feedback from yourself and your partner. Remember, people often change their minds and don't tell you directly.
_________________
Gavin.
http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/ |
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NewportBeachDude
Deinonychus
Joined: Dec 25, 2007
Posts: 355
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| Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 8:18 pm Post subject: Yes, You Should Have A Family |
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I have read about HFAs who have a hard time with bonding, passionate relationships and even love. However, ASD is a spectrum and everyone's different. I feel if someone has the desire to have a family and motivation to set about doing so, why not? I am a family man. I love my family. Not just my immediate family (wife and kids), but also my extended family. We are very family-oriented and I couldn't imagine life without that bond. Why shouldn't an Aspie be able to have that as well, it they so choose?
And, having that love from extended family has really made this Autism journey more manageable. Someone ALWAYS has our back and my Autie son is treated like a little prince. I imagine that it can be the same for an adult Aspie who always has that love and support surrounding them if they have a cool family that loves them unconditionally. |
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