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SleepingDoofus
Hummingbird
Joined: Oct 21, 2005
Posts: 21
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 Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 5:05 pm Post subject: Taking criticism and giving out criticism |
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I'm not sure if this is an Asperger's thing, but I have huge huge problems dealing with criticism, I can neither take it or give it out correctly. If someone criticises me, I can become overly defensive and I basically shut myself from any social interaction. I can't respond to the criticism then and there and the said situation makes my cheeks light up on fire and my throat stricken. I become very nervous and don't know what to do. The strange thing is more often than not, I perfectly accept the criticism they give me and understand why they say it, but it's the social interaction that blows me away. Am I supposed to thank them/make a funny remark/insult them back?
Giving out criticism is another hugely problematic thing for me. I can't give out criticism without making myself sound like a total idiot or making the other person feel like a total idiot. I've tried patronising them, lecturing them and doing nothing at all about it. None of them work.
Has anyone had any similar experiences? |
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MDB
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Apr 05, 2005
Posts: 49
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 9:24 pm Post subject: |
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On my Uni. Cource we have a system of peer review (a crit) where we present to the rest of the department. So I have developed a fair bit of strategy on it.
As for receiving criticism, it all depends on how they say it.
If it seems to be a personal attack on you, justify your decision making process acknowledge any weaknesses, then be sure to thank them personally at the end – it really freaks them out and they never try it again.
If it just plain wrong feel free to attack strait back with all the evidence you have.
If it justified and constructive then I usually say some thing like I had not though of it from that angle before and I will take their comment on board.
In a Crit the best way to make a negative comment is to sandwich it between two complements. Like I like your interesting wood structure, however I did not understand how you planned gain a 4 hour fire rating. It would be a shame to see the beautiful structure covered up.
This method makes you seem positive. It also cons people in to thinking they are receiving a compliment rather than criticism, giving them less time to think up their answer, as well as making them less defensive.
Saying some thing like that looks sh** can only be used with very close friends and work mate you know very well. But it is often the best way to say it. |
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Happeh
Deinonychus
Joined: Nov 05, 2005
Posts: 374
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| Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2005 9:34 pm Post subject: Re: Taking criticism and giving out criticism |
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| SleepingDoofus wrote: | | I'm not sure if this is an Asperger's thing, but I have huge huge problems dealing with criticism, |
I think it is called life. The majority of people feel the same way you do. Some are good at covering it up, the rest of us keep practicing. |
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SleepingDoofus
Hummingbird
Joined: Oct 21, 2005
Posts: 21
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| Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 12:16 am Post subject: |
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MDB: Thanks for your advice. I read it twice so I can hopefully remember to use some of those next time I get into a criticism dilemma.
Happeh: Yeah, I suppose everyone does have a hard time, but I think Aspie's have it harder. Some of us lack the ability to adapt and change to social situations, take me as an example, my brain is wired in such a way that responds very slowly to what people say. It makes it hard for me in social situations esp. more difficult ones such as taking criticisms. |
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thepeaguy
Velociraptor
Joined: Sep 01, 2005
Posts: 497
Location: Bristol, UK
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| Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 11:52 am Post subject: Re: Taking criticism and giving out criticism |
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| Happeh wrote: | | SleepingDoofus wrote: | | I'm not sure if this is an Asperger's thing, but I have huge huge problems dealing with criticism, |
I think it is called life. The majority of people feel the same way you do. Some are good at covering it up, the rest of us keep practising. |
So true, so true. |
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Sarcastic_Name
Don't look.
Joined: Mar 27, 2005
Age: 20
Posts: 3582
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| Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 3:48 pm Post subject: |
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I'm the most critcal perosn I've ever met. I normally keep it all inside so I don't piss people off. But I can take most criticism.
_________________
(Currently undergoing personality reboot) |
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Kiss_my_AS
Toucan
Joined: Nov 15, 2005
Posts: 261
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| Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 1:44 pm Post subject: |
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| I learned to deal with it, but it's often hard to resist the urge to fight back. Especially when someones overreacting (Screaming and such), it's hard not to get defensive. But someone has to be the apparent mature one in these situations. |
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CockneyRebel
Sid The Love Rat :O)
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 20855
Location: Out in the evening, with me two best Rat Mates, somewhere in Canada :O)
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| Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 10:56 pm Post subject: |
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| I take criticisim very hard. However, I find myself criticizing others in my head a lot. Especialy if I think they should know better. |
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