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Greyhound
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 10, 2008
Posts: 867
Location: Birmingham, UK
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 Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 4:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Gabbaruchi wrote: | | http://xkcd.com/222/ |
I love xkcd 
_________________
I don't have Aspergers, I'm just socially inept
Diagnosed: Tourette syndrome
Suspected: auditory processing disorder, synaesthesia
Also: social, attention and organisation problems
Heteroromantic asexual (though still exploring) |
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beef_bourito
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 13, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 1483
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 8:02 pm Post subject: |
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| i hate this question. i've gotten pretty good at socializing but this is one thing i can't stand. i just can't leave it at "fine, and you" so now i'll usually say a bit more like "pretty good, kinda tired, but good, how about you?" because i hate just saying "fine" unless my parents are asking how my day went. |
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shopaholic
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 01, 2007
Posts: 619
Location: UK
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| Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 8:52 am Post subject: |
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Aaargh!!! I hate this too!
I remember being taught, as a small child, that if I was asked "How do you do?" I should reply "Very well, thank you"!!!
Me: "But what about if I'm not very well?"
Grannie: "You should still say it."
Me: "But that would be lying - I can't do that!" 
Nowadays, I'm afraid if anyone asks me that, I usually answer the question truthfully, e.g. "Well I've had a bit of a cold, but it's nearly gone now!" or whatever.
And I hardly ever ask them, unless I actually do want to know. So what if they think I'm rude or they get offended? That's their problem, not mine. |
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puppylove22
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Apr 13, 2008
Posts: 48
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| Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 9:08 am Post subject: |
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| well just say ok, even if i am sad |
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Greyhound
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 10, 2008
Posts: 867
Location: Birmingham, UK
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| Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 5:36 pm Post subject: |
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People at work have taken to asking me how my car is now as well 
I think I've got past the 'how are you?' bit and then a bit later it's 'how's your car?' and this can be asked around three times in as many hours
_________________
I don't have Aspergers, I'm just socially inept
Diagnosed: Tourette syndrome
Suspected: auditory processing disorder, synaesthesia
Also: social, attention and organisation problems
Heteroromantic asexual (though still exploring) |
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RohrbachDS
Sea Gull
Joined: Feb 15, 2008
Age: 16
Posts: 234
Location: Pennsylvania, US
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| Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 6:11 pm Post subject: |
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I hate it. I normally respond with "fine", however lately I have given serious consideration to giving them an extremely long speech whenever they ask. Hopefully that would discourage them from asking again. It may not be seen as polite, but I really don't care anymore.
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"Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude."
-Thomas Jefferson |
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vulcan80
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Apr 14, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 41
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| Posted: Tue Apr 15, 2008 6:30 pm Post subject: |
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I absolutely hate it too. Especially since it can be in so many forms. How's it going? How are you doing? What's up? So what's new? It's embarrassing when I get thrown off and actually start thinking of an honest answer when they really don't care about how you really are.
I guess this ties in with how aspies have trouble picking up on social formalities/behaviors.
While I'm expressing how much I hate how are you. I also hate having to say good morning to everyone in the office and saying hi to every single person you know while walking passing them in the hallways. They're all such pointless rituals.
I force myself to say good morning to everyone. Also I always forget to ask them how they're doing back, because I honestly don't care. |
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Wolfpup
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 15, 2007
Posts: 1579
Location: Central Illinois, USA
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| Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 9:55 am Post subject: |
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| I can't ask it back because I just can't get through the ritual right. I'm bad at the "good morning" thing too. There for a while I was trying to say it to a hand full of people when I first got in, but they've redone the office to where it's not as open, and I'm not sure if it's expected/wanted anymore, or if it would be an intrusion or what. |
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AndersTheAspie
Angelic Knight
Joined: Feb 07, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 1862
Location: On the edge of civilization. Denmark.
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| Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 11:51 am Post subject: |
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I hate being asked that so much that I always answear with "Shouldn't you start with asking me what, or even if, I am doing? Before asking me how I am doing it?"
That usually throws them off for just long enough for me to shift conversation onto something they actually care about.
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Once I knew everything, then I got smarter, now the only thing I know is that I know nothing.
Strange how that worked out isn't it? |
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Gabbaruchi
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Mar 14, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 35
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| Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 12:01 pm Post subject: |
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| Wolfpup wrote: | | I can't ask it back because I just can't get through the ritual right. I'm bad at the "good morning" thing too. There for a while I was trying to say it to a hand full of people when I first got in, but they've redone the office to where it's not as open, and I'm not sure if it's expected/wanted anymore, or if it would be an intrusion or what. |
I usually get by on this one with "'mornin'". Once a lady (think of the 'case of the Mondays' lady from Officespace) asked me "Don't you mean GOOD morning?"
My response was, "It's too early to tell. Could go either way, yet." I don't know whether she thought that was funny or not. |
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cd1
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 11, 2008
Posts: 141
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| Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 1:30 pm Post subject: |
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| pakled wrote: | can't complain...
doin' fine...
etc...
FDR (President, mid-20th Century) got that question a lot. To prove that people weren't listening, he use to say "My Grandmother just died", to which most people would say things like "Splendid!" "Great!", etc...
not making that up.... |
It's true, too. I don't like insincere questions - even in rote greetings. Most people who ask me "How are you" don't listen to my answer at all. In recent years I've taken to responding "hello" and at least half the time the person comes back with "fine".
person: "how are you?"
cd1: "hello"
person: "fine"
Clearly, that person cared little enough about the response that they didn't even notice there wasn't one, going so far as to respond to what was assumed to be a reciprocal question. It always amuses me when that happens. |
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Wolfpup
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 15, 2007
Posts: 1579
Location: Central Illinois, USA
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| Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 1:34 pm Post subject: |
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Good grief that's weird.
What is it about us that makes it hard for us to use this question as just route noise? Why do we have a hard time thinking of this as anything but an actual question?
I'd ban this phrase if I ruled the world |
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Greyhound
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 10, 2008
Posts: 867
Location: Birmingham, UK
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| Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 1:59 pm Post subject: |
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Today I forgot the 'fine' before the 'are you okay?' bit
'How are you?'
'Are you okay?'
'Fine thanks'
Oops 
_________________
I don't have Aspergers, I'm just socially inept
Diagnosed: Tourette syndrome
Suspected: auditory processing disorder, synaesthesia
Also: social, attention and organisation problems
Heteroromantic asexual (though still exploring) |
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marshall
Under the whirlwind
Joined: Apr 15, 2007
Age: 28
Posts: 1630
Location: North West United States
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| Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2008 2:07 pm Post subject: |
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The problem with responding to "how are you?" honestly is that if I answer anything besides "good","fine", or "alright" I feel like I have to explain myself when I'd rather not. If I'm in a bad mood but don't want to talk about it I'm forced to say "fine" even though my expression and mannerism says "shitty".
I don't really know the polite way to indicate "I'm feeling like crap but I'd rather not talk about it". Seems everyone else just pretends to be "fine" in general company. I hate doing that contrived BS. I’m no good at concealing my body language. I can’t even fake a polite smile. If I'm not feeling it I'm not going to smile. |
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shopaholic
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 01, 2007
Posts: 619
Location: UK
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| Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 1:06 pm Post subject: |
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I actually tried asking someone back yesterday (I didn't even know who she was, but I was on my own with her in the lift & couldn't avoid it!)
It felt soooo awkward! I can't believe NT's do this over and over again every single day - WHY????? |
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