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equinn
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 20, 2007
Posts: 652
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 Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 1:03 am Post subject: obvious cues????? |
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I would say an obvious cue is when someone walks away when you're still talking.
When you were younger did you find that kids walked away from you before you finished speaking/explaining something? LOL
It happens to my son and he still doesn't seem offended. Why is this? You would think that he would take the hint, get insulted--something! With maturity, I wonder if he will finally learn. |
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Thomas1138
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 06, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 478
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 1:11 am Post subject: |
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Learn to feel insulted?
He's probably better off not learning. I figured that no one wants to listen to me, so I tend to keep my thoughts to myself. |
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nomad21
Toucan
Joined: Feb 17, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 295
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 1:16 am Post subject: |
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| I tend to miss most of the subtle social cues myself. People often need to give the obvious cues or I just won't get it. |
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Brandon-J
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 12, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 418
Location: North Carolina
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 1:20 am Post subject: |
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| Aspies lack emotions so most of us don't really get too mad,happy,excited,etc. He might even knowed that was an insult but he just didn't "FEEL" disrespected by it. Therefore there is no reaction. It's like falling down and scraping your knee but not feeling the pain. |
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MartyMoose
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 01, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 702
Location: Chicago
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 1:21 am Post subject: Re: obvious cues????? |
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| equinn wrote: | I would say an obvious cue is when someone walks away when you're still talking.
When you were younger did you find that kids walked away from you before you finished speaking/explaining something? LOL
It happens to my son and he still doesn't seem offended. Why is this? You would think that he would take the hint, get insulted--something! With maturity, I wonder if he will finally learn. |
I used to do that Alot |
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RainKing
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 17, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 339
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 1:45 am Post subject: |
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I guess I learned to feel offended, which made me wonder how to get people to listen to me, which quickly caused me to just not talk very much. I don't speak a lot, but when I have something to say, people don't listen. 
| Brandon-J wrote: | | Aspies lack emotions. . . |
what  |
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Pithlet
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 20, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 395
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 1:46 am Post subject: |
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It could be one of three things.
1] You're right, he just doesn't get it yet. With time he'll learn.
2] He doesn't understand that the person isn't interested until the point at which the person walks away. By then it's too late, so why bother worrying about it? He knows something has gone wrong, but it's difficult for him to decode what just happened. He can't correct his approach unless he knows exactly what he is correcting, so he shrugs it off and tries again on someone else.
3] Perhaps it does bother him a little, but it's not worth having a big reaction to. But again, he doesn't know any other way to connect to people, so that's what he does. My mom knows me better than anyone else does, but even she can't always tell when I'm bothered. Most of the time I just don't react vocally, facially...ect. I may tell her later how bothered I was here, anxious there, and usually that surprises her quite a bit, having observed my face and manner at the time as unconcerned.
There could be others still, or a combination of any of those. Mabe you can tactfully help him to look for those cues, explaining to him that some people may not want a long conversation, and some people may not want to talk about the things he wants to talk about. You can even try to roleplay with him to help him listen better. He may not get the cues right for a while, especially since everyone has their own individual ones (my favorite excuse), but it will at least give him something specific to practice on instead of just guessing how to do it. |
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Brandon-J
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 12, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 418
Location: North Carolina
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 1:48 am Post subject: |
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| RainKing wrote: | I guess I learned to feel offended, which made me wonder how to get people to listen to me, which quickly caused me to just not talk very much. I don't speak a lot, but when I have something to say, people don't listen.
| Brandon-J wrote: | | Aspies lack emotions. . . |
what |
we lack emotions. We have emotions but not up to par of an normal person. Like feeling grief,empathy,sympathy, etc.. I least I do anyways. |
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RainKing
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 17, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 339
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 1:56 am Post subject: |
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| Brandon-J wrote: |
we lack emotions. We have emotions but not up to par of an normal person. Like feeling grief,empathy,sympathy, etc.. I least I do anyways. |
Okay. "Lack" means doesn't have, so you should phrase it differently. "Grief, empathy, sympathy"--I agree that I don't have those, and I've wondered if they're not even real, if people fake them. Well, except for grief. I can understand why someone would feel it, but I suppose that I'm just "intellectually" "above" feeling it. |
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Pithlet
Deinonychus
Joined: Jan 20, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 395
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 1:59 am Post subject: |
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| Brandon-J wrote: | | RainKing wrote: | I guess I learned to feel offended, which made me wonder how to get people to listen to me, which quickly caused me to just not talk very much. I don't speak a lot, but when I have something to say, people don't listen.
| Brandon-J wrote: | | Aspies lack emotions. . . |
what |
we lack emotions. We have emotions but not up to par of an normal person. Like feeling grief,empathy,sympathy, etc.. I least I do anyways. |
Um, do you know what lack means? It's definitely not the same thing as "not up to par", and even that I'm not 100% sure about. |
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Brandon-J
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 12, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 418
Location: North Carolina
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 2:06 am Post subject: |
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| Pithlet wrote: | | Brandon-J wrote: | | RainKing wrote: | I guess I learned to feel offended, which made me wonder how to get people to listen to me, which quickly caused me to just not talk very much. I don't speak a lot, but when I have something to say, people don't listen.
| Brandon-J wrote: | | Aspies lack emotions. . . |
what |
we lack emotions. We have emotions but not up to par of an normal person. Like feeling grief,empathy,sympathy, etc.. I least I do anyways. |
Um, do you know what lack means? It's definitely not the same thing as "not up to par", and even that I'm not 100% sure about. |
well it also means to fall short of or be deficient
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/lack
read some of the examples such as this
"Owing to a lack of supporters, the reforms did not succeed."
it doesn't mean he didn't have supporters it meant that he didn't have enough.
or
"What he lacks in brains, he makes up for in brawn."
it doesn't mean that he don't have a brain, he just lacks it. |
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RainKing
Deinonychus
Joined: Mar 17, 2008
Age: 21
Posts: 339
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 2:15 am Post subject: |
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| Brandon-J wrote: |
well it also means to fall short of or be deficient
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/lack
read some of the examples such as this
"Owing to a lack of supporters, the reforms did not succeed."
it doesn't mean he didn't have supporters it meant that he didn't have enough.
or
"What he lacks in brains, he makes up for in brawn."
it doesn't mean that he don't have a brain, he just lacks it. |
I don't want to draw this out, but, the word works in those cases because they are talking about things that you can count that aren't there. The example about the brains: "What he lacks in brains" is figuratively speaking of "brains" as some unit measure of intellect. You can't say that he lacks a brain, that would mean that he doesn't have one. "Emotions" is also not a definite measure--there are different kinds of emotions, not some quantity of a unit emotion. |
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Brandon-J
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 12, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 418
Location: North Carolina
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 2:22 am Post subject: |
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| yea i meant to say intellect at the end of that sentence. But when you say that somebody lacks intelligence. Are u saying that they they don't have any at all (absence)? You can't count intelligence. im tired of talkin about this lol, don't take it personal. The word lack always meant to me that something that you fall in short of. |
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CockneyRebel
Sid The Love Rat is a Sweet Pea :O)
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 34
Posts: 21109
Location: Out in the evening, with me two best Rat Mates :O)
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 4:31 am Post subject: |
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| Brandon-J wrote: | | Pithlet wrote: | | Brandon-J wrote: | | RainKing wrote: | I guess I learned to feel offended, which made me wonder how to get people to listen to me, which quickly caused me to just not talk very much. I don't speak a lot, but when I have something to say, people don't listen.
| Brandon-J wrote: | | Aspies lack emotions. . . |
what |
we lack emotions. We have emotions but not up to par of an normal person. Like feeling grief,empathy,sympathy, etc.. I least I do anyways. |
Um, do you know what lack means? It's definitely not the same thing as "not up to par", and even that I'm not 100% sure about. |
well it also means to fall short of or be deficient
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/lack
read some of the examples such as this
"Owing to a lack of supporters, the reforms did not succeed."
it doesn't mean he didn't have supporters it meant that he didn't have enough.
or
"What he lacks in brains, he makes up for in brawn."
it doesn't mean that he don't have a brain, he just lacks it. |
Sort of like this little character:
He's kind of cute, though. :O)
_________________
Sid The Rat is everything that I stand for. We're both large, proud Punkers with Cockney accents. We both have the same issues, as well. I don't see anything wrong, with that. I was put on this planet, to make myself happy. Sid :O) |
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Alexey
Blue Jay
Joined: Jan 25, 2008
Posts: 82
Location: Moscow, Russia
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| Posted: Sat Apr 19, 2008 4:51 am Post subject: |
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| equinn wrote: | | When you were younger did you find that kids walked away from you before you finished speaking/explaining something? LOL |
It was rather often with me, because I had problems with realizing where it is time to stop monologue.
| Quote: | | It happens to my son and he still doesn't seem offended. Why is this? You would think that he would take the hint, get insulted--something! With maturity, I wonder if he will finally learn. |
May be it is better to explain the rules of smalltalk explicltly. It is obvious for you that people may be interested or not interested in your topic of conversation, but it may be not obvious for your son. I see at least two simple rules about smalltalk: 1) don't monologize 2) listen another people. |
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