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Othila
Raven
Joined: Oct 05, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 117
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 Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 8:46 pm Post subject: Being female |
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I hate people who interpret my female status. I have a lot of what could be considered female traits I suppose. I am a pretty vulnerable person; I never lose my temper. I keep an even keel and I hate confrontation. I am upfront about my insecurities and if I don't know something I just say so. I could add self-loathing to the list but unlike most women I know or read about I don't push that self-hatred onto my home and my body. Yes both our reflections about how I feel about myself yet I don't take up the time to be overly critical of either.
I also don't desire to have my own children. I don't know why someone would willingly want to put themselves into that slave role. Another problem I have with society or to be more honest people is that I don't have expectations about the relationships I find myself in. When people ask me what do I want in a man; I don't have an answer to that question except to say that I want my space. I am considering starting another relationship with someone but I don't feel I have evolved much in this area in my life. In psycho speak I am emotionally still quite young and do not think that I can have a serious relationship with anyone considering that I don't seem to need or want what the other person is seeking in a relationship. I like reading about prisons and this has actually gotten me into thinking that if I was put in a small room all by myself I won't go crazy because I don't seek nor want self-validation. I found out quite recently that one of the main reasons I hate it when people look at me is that I abhor validation of any sort. Its weird to think that most of the people on the planet seem to have fantasies about ideal relationships but I just have fantasies about ideal people. |
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Tsaryn
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 21, 2007
Posts: 36
Location: USA
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| Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 11:23 pm Post subject: |
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I know you're not looking for validation, but DANG-- you're speaking truth! =) I'm female as well and agree with most of your points (children, relationships in general, etc). Maybe that's part of being a female Aspie-- I read somewhere that we're "the girls with a boy's brain" if you go with the stereotypical gender roles (which I don't agree with, by the way). I like the point about prison (I've actually thought about this point, particularly when people talk about how horrible it would be to be in solitary confinement-- personally, I think I would deal with prison alot better if I didn't have to deal with all of the other people--I've never had a "roommate" so sharing a cell with someone would be torture).
Just wanted to say "right on" because its like reading some of my own thoughts. We are what we are-- we don't have to fit some gender role. |
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IdahoRose
Imaginary Friend
Joined: Feb 25, 2007
Age: 17
Posts: 4446
Location: Boise, ID
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| Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 12:04 am Post subject: |
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| I feel pretty boyish inside. I've even thought about taking up crossdressing! I recognize and accept that I'm a girl, yet I just think it would be a little more fun if I could dress up and act like a guy. |
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aspergian_mutant
Learning to Walk
Joined: Oct 28, 2004
Posts: 1479
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| Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 12:24 am Post subject: |
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Hell, I like tomboy girls, or hippie girls, there is hardly an in between,
they attract me, not that I am any good at catching or keeping one. |
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Thomas1138
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 06, 2008
Age: 29
Posts: 460
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| Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 2:47 am Post subject: Re: Being female |
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| Othila wrote: | | I have a lot of what could be considered female traits I suppose. I never lose my temper. |
When did THAT become a female trait? |
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Anemone
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 18, 2008
Age: 43
Posts: 660
Location: Vancouver, Canada
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| Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 12:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Tsaryn wrote: | | I read somewhere that we're "the girls with a boy's brain" |
I wouldn't assume that's true. That kind of reasoning can become circular if it involves bias in diagnosis.
I used to think about solitary confinement the same way. Then I spent too many years on welfare, and now the allure is definitely wearing off.
I also didn't really want kids (though didn't object to the idea) until my mid-late 30s, then it hit. Marriage is complicated, but sometimes you realize that life is too hard to go through alone (regardless of whether you're disabled or not), then it starts to make sense, especially with a partner who is not perfect but is strong in the places you need help with (i.e. complimentary strengths rather than perfect harmony). But I'm still in solitary, though. 
Women aren't all the same. Men aren't all the same. Lumping people together into simple categories isn't really fair to anyone. (Including autistic people.) |
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beentheredonethat
Grouchy Old Man
Joined: Nov 01, 2005
Posts: 700
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| Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 10:44 pm Post subject: Re: Being female |
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| Othila wrote: | I hate people who interpret my female status. I have a lot of what could be considered female traits I suppose. I am a pretty vulnerable person; I never lose my temper. I keep an even keel and I hate confrontation. I am upfront about my insecurities and if I don't know something I just say so. I could add self-loathing to the list but unlike most women I know or read about I don't push that self-hatred onto my home and my body. Yes both our reflections about how I feel about myself yet I don't take up the time to be overly critical of either.
I also don't desire to have my own children. I don't know why someone would willingly want to put themselves into that slave role. Another problem I have with society or to be more honest people is that I don't have expectations about the relationships I find myself in. When people ask me what do I want in a man; I don't have an answer to that question except to say that I want my space. I am considering starting another relationship with someone but I don't feel I have evolved much in this area in my life. In psycho speak I am emotionally still quite young and do not think that I can have a serious relationship with anyone considering that I don't seem to need or want what the other person is seeking in a relationship. I like reading about prisons and this has actually gotten me into thinking that if I was put in a small room all by myself I won't go crazy because I don't seek nor want self-validation. I found out quite recently that one of the main reasons I hate it when people look at me is that I abhor validation of any sort. Its weird to think that most of the people on the planet seem to have fantasies about ideal relationships but I just have fantasies about ideal people. |
In my humble opinion, I don't think you should change a thing.....unless it's makeing you unhappy. There are lots of women who don't want children. That doesn't make them worth less. So get into your relationship (if you want) and if you don't like it, break it off carefully (the other person has feeling too) and do what you wish.
Hope that helps.
Beentheredonethat |
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VioletClementine
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 24, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 127
Location: New England, USA
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| Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 8:03 pm Post subject: |
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| IdahoRose wrote: | | I feel pretty boyish inside. I've even thought about taking up crossdressing! I recognize and accept that I'm a girl, yet I just think it would be a little more fun if I could dress up and act like a guy. |
Oh, gosh--I totally agree. I wear guys' clothes sometimes, but only a few items at once--like guys' shoes and hats, or jackets, et cetera. I don't want massive overkill, or people misinterpreting me.
Recently, though, I found out a lot of people assume I'm gay because even though I wear a lot of makeup and I love skirts, I have stretched earlobes, a few other piercings, and I hate high heels. I'm most definitely straight, but I just don't see why people automatically mistake me for a lesbian. It's not like I have a problem with homosexuality--I'm totally open to anything; love is love...but I feel like my androgyny has cultivated the wrong opinions about me.
Gahh...I don't think I can ever win. |
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MissConstrue
Aquarius
Joined: Feb 05, 2008
Age: 26
Posts: 11477
Location: Anywhere but HERE!
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| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 4:45 pm Post subject: |
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I can identify with the topic b/c I feel like I don't really fit into what is sometimes deemed feminine or female. I like socializing with women but I don't empathize or have the same feelings when it comes to wanting children, pleasing guys, having spouses, marriages, and etc. I am sensative in some ways and I think the same can be said for guys.
Although I agree with your topic, I kind of think that some of this stuff related to women is a bit black and white. I don't see anything wrong with being a female or having "female" feelings that don't specifically relate to men. I'm just not real into the inferiorority complex where a clump of people fit perfectly in a box.
I do wonder why I lean more to what I call entity than All Woman. Might come from being an aspie since I don't socialize with the main crowd as well as others? I never really did feel like I could fit anywhere in a crowd. When I bring this topic up, some ppl think that's great but I've wondered if that was one of the reasons I couldn't make good friends besides the social akwardness. 
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Oh you can't help that. We're all mad here.
__Cheshire the Cat
6thSin:Envy |
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Lurv
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 13, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 215
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| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 5:09 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't want children (giving birth especially don't sound appealing), but I still feel like I'm female enough. |
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KateShroud
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 02, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 1272
Location: Hotel California
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 1:24 am Post subject: |
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| Lurv wrote: | | I don't want children (giving birth especially don't sound appealing), but I still feel like I'm female enough. |
Same here.. I'm newly married, and my husband and I both agree that we don't want kids. Almost all women I talk to, wich aren't too many but enough to anoy me, assume I want babies. They hear about my wedding and ask me about it. If they only new the reoccuring nightmares I've been having. I have no desire to raise one; I can't empathize with it and certainly can't program it. That brings up another topic. Most women to me seem like their another species. I can't even dress like them.I learned in sociology class that most of them major in the arts and humanities, and I'm a coamputer science major. My husband says I'd be a good scientist also. Most women seem illogical and preoccupied with emotions and relations. I accept that I am physically a woman and am attracted to a man, but I am not a nurturer. I'm just sick of people expecting me to act like I have no brain. Is this usually the result of being a woman with AS?
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Noitaterpretnisim ot tcejbus si yas I gnihtyreve. |
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pinkbowtiepumps
Toucan
Joined: Mar 17, 2008
Age: 19
Posts: 290
Location: US
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 1:38 am Post subject: |
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| Tsaryn wrote: | | I read somewhere that we're "the girls with a boy's brain" if you go with the stereotypical gender roles (which I don't agree with, by the way). |
yeah, definitely. Although I look and act extremely feminine, I think, very stereotypically, like a guy. I get along much better with guys, anyway.
| Tsaryn wrote: | | We are what we are-- we don't have to fit some gender role. |
True. It really has to do with what we truly desire as people, what we need. I will probably end up having children, and I can understand why you wouldn't, but I just feel the need to nurture and care for people. I don't care how much of a stereotype this falls under, but it is just something I have to do, that a lot of people feel they need to do, while many others don't hold any desire to. You can be whoever you want to be, it all depends on your needs, not on what society expects of you. At least, it shouldn't be! |
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MsBehaviour
Toucan
Joined: Oct 27, 2007
Age: 35
Posts: 285
Location: Titirangi, New Zealand
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| Posted: Sat May 10, 2008 9:44 pm Post subject: |
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I see myself as a 60/40 split between male and female. I definitely think more like a guy does which has been very handy in my career. I also have never wanted kids and neither does my Aspie husband so that's great. I like kids & puppies to play with oaccasionally, but never wanted one of my own. Too much mess, training & loud noises to deal with.
As for pregnancy & birth there is no way some alien creature is taking over my body and sucking the life out of me. I'm child free and very happy about it. 
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AS MsBehaviour n. improper, wicked or immoral behavior. |
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Chibi_Neko
Want a Cookie
Joined: Oct 24, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 1009
Location: Newfoundland, Canada
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| Posted: Sun May 11, 2008 4:08 pm Post subject: Re: Being female |
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| Othila wrote: |
I also don't desire to have my own children. I don't know why someone would willingly want to put themselves into that slave role. |
Right on the nail! I don't have a issue with kids, I have no problem having my niece and nephew over to my house for a night or two... mainly because it is temporary... If I had to keep them, I would probably go nuts!
There are things I want to do in life, and children would just slow me down. For all the women who want to raise kids... bravo! I'll babysit if you want! I even admire you gals for the fact you have more patience in parenting then I do!
My mother is in the mindset that all women need children... and that makes me feel pressured. I told her that as of right now I don't want kids but could change in 5 years time (Which is true... I don't know what will happen in the future) but she keeps saying 'If you where to have a baby, I will buy the nursery for you'.
Yes women have the equipment to be moms, but that dosen't mean that we all want to use it.
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Humans are intelligent, but that doesn't make them smart. |
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LeKiwi
Phoenix
Joined: Nov 27, 2007
Posts: 2505
Location: The murky waters of my mind...
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| Posted: Sun May 11, 2008 4:20 pm Post subject: |
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I'm definitely female. Of the nurturing, caring kind. All I want to do is help people... I can't wait to raise my own children. I love my partner to bits, he's the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't know where I'd be without him. And that isn't to say I can't handle being on my own - he gives me plenty of space and time alone, like I need, and which he understands. But he really is my rock, so to speak. My life's ambition is to help people and to heal people, to understand and work alongside nature and utilise the healing powers of it.
I'm a proper 'Earth Mother', I suppose you could say. 
That said, the vast majority of my friends are male. I just get on with guys better.
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We are a fever, we are a fever, we ain't born typical...
New Blog: http://onelittleaspergian.blogspot.com/ |
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