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kid020
Blue Jay
Joined: Feb 24, 2008
Posts: 98
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 Posted: Thu May 01, 2008 9:21 am Post subject: idealsing crushes |
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| I'm an NT but I was wondering if any of the Aspie males here were guilty of this because I know I am: idealsing a crush. When I had a ceush on a girl I would start to become like a boy idealsing his mother (metaphor not meant to be taken literally). Since they were girls who were cute and very nice to em I would start telling myslef that they were an angel an things like that. Then I would always fanatsize about cuddling with them especially if I was feeling down. Now theres nothing wrong witht his up to a point, but if you are a shy person and you idealize a woman it makes it harder for you to talk to her on a normal level. Now the best thing to do here in my opinion is think rationally and talk to her casually. Anyone else here done this or know what i mean? |
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sim
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 20, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 637
Location: an uneven circle
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| Posted: Thu May 01, 2008 9:59 am Post subject: |
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Yeah. I almost have to consciously stop myself from doing this.
Last edited by sim on Thu May 01, 2008 10:05 am; edited 2 times in total |
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Caravaggio
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 03, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 70
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| Posted: Thu May 01, 2008 10:00 am Post subject: |
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I was more along the lines of "I'd do anything to be with this person" and attempted to find negative things about them to discourage me from thinking about pursuing them knowing full well they were above me.
Didn't always work but I had to try to keep myself from going nuts. |
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Hector
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 11, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 1015
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| Posted: Thu May 01, 2008 10:02 am Post subject: |
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| Sounds like obsession? Happens to loads of people. Every time I think I've made a decent impression on a cute girl I can't help fantasising a bit. Always put it down to desperation. |
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Aspie_for_the_Lord
King Wing Nut and Sir Tweet McFlappington the 3'rd
Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Posts: 3654
Location: Northants, England
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| Posted: Thu May 01, 2008 11:55 am Post subject: |
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used to do that so often when i was younger.... got my heart trampled on so many times...
these days i dont let myself JUST fall in love, when i notice it about to happen i usually kill the feelings in the bud, when someone comes along who is interested, THEN i will let myself love them...
people may feel thats not the best way forward, but its better than always being crushed inside, and it helps to see things objectively.
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i am that which i am... |
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Jainaday
in uncertain taste
Joined: Jul 09, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 1348
Location: in the They
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 6:14 am Post subject: |
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I always get depressed to know that a guy has been doing this. . . not the fantasizing, so much, but the idealizing. . .
I'd rather be known as a real and whole sort of person.  |
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Aspie_for_the_Lord
King Wing Nut and Sir Tweet McFlappington the 3'rd
Joined: Aug 18, 2006
Posts: 3654
Location: Northants, England
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 12:30 pm Post subject: |
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| Jainaday wrote: | | I'd rather be known as a real and whole sort of person. |
me too... i get sick of girls only looking on the outward image of a guy
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i am that which i am... |
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Specter
Sentient Program
Joined: Apr 19, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 1210
Location: Alaska
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 1:40 pm Post subject: |
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I always idealize my crushes. :D but I don't really care. :D
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"there is no spoon" |
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Stealth
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jan 05, 2008
Posts: 69
Location: Los Angeles (Downey), CA
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 1:42 pm Post subject: |
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| Hector wrote: | | Sounds like obsession? Happens to loads of people. Every time I think I've made a decent impression on a cute girl I can't help fantasising a bit. Always put it down to desperation. |
obsession is another word for love. |
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Aspie1
Overman
Joined: Mar 08, 2005
Posts: 2524
Location: United States
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 7:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Aspie_for_the_Lord wrote: | used to do that so often when i was younger.... got my heart trampled on so many times...
these days i dont let myself JUST fall in love, when i notice it about to happen i usually kill the feelings in the bud, when someone comes along who is interested, THEN i will let myself love them...
people may feel thats not the best way forward, but its better than always being crushed inside, and it helps to see things objectively. |
That's what I do as well. My friends mentioned to me about how girls broke their hearts, and I kept telling them not to let themselves fall in love. They looked at me like they didn't know what I was talking about. In their opinion, it's impossible not to fall in love with a beautiful girl.
However, blocking out feelings isn't like flipping a switch. It's more like shutting down a server. There are steps you have to take to turn it off properly, but once it's off, it's off. |
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Hector
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 11, 2008
Age: 22
Posts: 1015
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| Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 8:01 pm Post subject: |
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| Stealth wrote: | | Hector wrote: | | Sounds like obsession? Happens to loads of people. Every time I think I've made a decent impression on a cute girl I can't help fantasising a bit. Always put it down to desperation. |
obsession is another word for love. |
Even if you do accept this, it doesn't address whether one really is obsessing over the person or what they would like them to be. |
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Jainaday
in uncertain taste
Joined: Jul 09, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 1348
Location: in the They
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| Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 2:54 am Post subject: |
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| Stealth wrote: | | obsession is another word for love. |
I think love is when you start caring about someone so much that you start to put another person's best interests above your own; not the same as thinking about them all the time or stalking them. |
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JohnHopkins
In no way offensive to anybody. Honest.
Joined: Nov 20, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 2098
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| Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 5:11 pm Post subject: |
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| Everybody does this. Even if you notice something bad, you rationalise it or ignore it. However, those bad parts are good to cling onto when the crush ends, especially through rejection. |
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Jainaday
in uncertain taste
Joined: Jul 09, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 1348
Location: in the They
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| Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 8:18 pm Post subject: |
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I don't think so. . .
I think sometimes you can see the bad things, and think, "but that's something I could deal with well. ."
And sometimes when you think that, you could be right. |
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Space
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 03, 2006
Age: 25
Posts: 1716
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 3:39 pm Post subject: |
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| Hell no. Every woman is just another flawed human being, some are better than others, but most are just average people. For every one that doesn't work out there's another dozen waiting to take her place. It's about what I want/need and what is good for me, if you don't cut it, you're gone. I won't waste my time on you, even if it means I spend the night at home playing video games instead. This is just for my own safety. There's lots of unhealthy people and women who just play games. I used to give my trust easily, but now you really have to earn it. I'm glad I know this now. |
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