momofanspie
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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Joined: Oct 14, 2005
Posts: 69
Location: staten island, new york
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 Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 8:22 am Post subject: New Day New Problem |
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My brain feels like exploding at this moment or is it fried already.
Everyday I ask him how's school going (mind you I ask him every subject even lunch) and its fine. Last night before I go to bed he tells me "I hate school, I'm dropping out, I can't do it anymore the essays are too hard, 3/4 of the class is failing and my friend dan feels the same way". Stunned, baffled, look on my face I reply What? Everything was fine at 3:00 pm when you came home from school and now you are dropping out and not going to school anymore. So I pry some more and fine out that he has been doing these papers in writing class. I still have no idea what he is doing but I'm giving a call to his social worker at school and his English teacher to find out what is going on. He has had 3 papers and failed them all and said now he will fail this class and not get the credits.
I'm more annoyed at the school for not letting me know that he has failed 3 papers as to my son not telling me he was having a hard time in English writing class. 
Just not coping with this today...  if I tell my husband he will go on in a rant about ds that he doesnt do the right thing at school...then the ds has a meltdown....dh doesnt get it. He just views my son as a stuborn lazy teen that is only interested in his games. I dont like the telling dh until everything is usually solved it's just so much easier that way. I try to be the go between the two. Each of them doesn't understand eachother. Sometimes I just feel like a punching bag for the two.
Okay I'm done with my pity party thanks for letting me vent and now on to the duties of my life, my son. Calls to me made....as so on. |
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Nemesis
Emu Egg
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Joined: Sep 06, 2005
Posts: 8
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| Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 9:08 am Post subject: |
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Hi,
I think you have every right to be furious with school as I certainly expect to be informed immediately if there are any problems. Getting feedback from any kid about how they're doing at school is like getting blood out of a stone so I guess it's not surprising that your son didn't tell you but school is another matter altogether. I hope you manage to get it sorted out.
As for DHs - well mine doesn't really 'get it' either. He kind of does academically and knows that things are difficult for DS but in practice he doesn't really make allowances. I tend to think that's his Aspie traits showing 
Helen. |
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momofanspie
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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Joined: Oct 14, 2005
Posts: 69
Location: staten island, new york
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| Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 9:46 am Post subject: |
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Hi nemesis,
wouldn't it be nice if the dh's would be advocates for our kids instead of just doing the man thing. My husband is the step dad and he's good most of the time but like me gets fustrated but I try to not let it out on ds because I know its hard for him. dh on the other hand can come home tired or moody I feel bad for my kid because he can't read the signs and goes about his way and there is so much turmoil. It's so stressful dealing sometimes. today is just a bad day for me I just feel like pulling my hair out or just crawling back into bed and hope today just goes away. |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2727
Location: new england
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| Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 9:25 pm Post subject: |
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| so what's your plan to get him to go to school tomorrow ? maybe a mental health day is in order......at any rate, what about talking to the teacher about any extra credit he could do to bring up his grade ? |
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momofanspie
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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Joined: Oct 14, 2005
Posts: 69
Location: staten island, new york
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| Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 9:39 pm Post subject: |
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Feeling better...spoke to english teacher and social worker. My son was making it worse then it was so to speak. I went to school today for a holiday fest and the english teacher was there and so was my son's class and spoke to her right there with him and needlesstosay my son misunderstood the whole essay thing made it out harder then it was and now is doing it and saying that was easy
What a surprise (huh)...the funny thing was that another aspie kid that my son knows came up to me and said I can't stand english essays....Someone up there has some sense of humor...so I told him maybe he should just ask the teacher exactly what to do with my son and they can brain storm together. Also this essay is given to them on Monday due on Friday...
What a day can't wait til tomorrow to see what else comes up in the day of an aspie  |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2727
Location: new england
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| Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:17 am Post subject: |
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| my son usually makes things out to be worse than they are....uggh. glad to hear that things are looking better. |
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momofanspie
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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Joined: Oct 14, 2005
Posts: 69
Location: staten island, new york
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| Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 4:20 pm Post subject: |
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| Okay now I heard it all with this kid, I asked him if he is close to finishing his essay and he said yeh I finished it in class today it wasn;t that hard I handed it in already. He failed 3 of them oh brother. You can only laugh. Unfortunately the end of the marking period was last friday so his grade is whatever his grade was but at least this marking period he will pass. I only wish he would tell me when he is having a problem it would make life so much easier. And if not him at least the teacher should tell me. I alway feel I am repeating myself to him and to his teachers. Ineed a long vacation or maybe just a weekend away no a long vacation sounds better. |
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joku_muko
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 10, 2004
Posts: 665
Location: Oregon
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| Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:18 pm Post subject: |
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When I dropped out of HS my dad didnt know for almost a full term. So I wouldnt count too much on the school. It sounds a lot like me. A lack of understanding of all the HS BS. I'd start asking him things like if he would feel more comfortable finishing his HS degree at a community college. At a community college you dont have all these stupid rules. People checking up on you etc. It was still hard but without the BS a lot easier for me. Just support and be there. Dont take offense: But back off some. I dont handle well under pressure. Probably the only reason Ive always resented my dad. Everyday since I can remember. Why dont you do things this way, you can do better, you arent applying yourself, always checking up...
Best you can do is hope for the best, give them your support and hope they grow up right. |
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momofanspie
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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Joined: Oct 14, 2005
Posts: 69
Location: staten island, new york
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| Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 7:58 am Post subject: |
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thanks joku I will take it under consideration.
| Quote: | | Just support and be there. Dont take offense: But back off some. I dont handle well under pressure |
He doesn't handle well under pressure either. But by me talking to his teacher and then her relaying it back to ds he was able to accomplish what he needed if I never said anything then he would still be failing. I don't try to pressure the son just the school to understand his difficulty. |
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joku_muko
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 10, 2004
Posts: 665
Location: Oregon
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| Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 8:52 am Post subject: |
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Hey, I hope I helped. I didnt want to sound too hard or anything just didnt know how else to say what I had to say. I know you love your son and you do your best.
After I quit HS. It took me about a year to come around and get the degree. But I eventually did. Things are OK for me now and I even live in my own place. |
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momofanspie
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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Joined: Oct 14, 2005
Posts: 69
Location: staten island, new york
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| Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 12:45 pm Post subject: |
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That's great and encouraging, I am hoping that time will help with my son also and the maturity will set in so that he can make realistic goals for himself.
Right now he can't even fathom thinking of living on his own or even going away to college. So I figure if college is what he wants he can go locally and we'll work from there.
I really just want him to be able to take care of himself if anything would ever happen to me right now I think he would be so totally lost. |
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pink
Snowy Owl
Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Posts: 127
Location: Wausau, WI
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| Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 6:29 am Post subject: your son/my son |
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Is your son in an ED class? I had my son M-teamed and put in ED. He now has a resource period at the end of the day. His resource teacher helps him 1:1 with things he's having trouble with. The resource teacher also keeps up on whether he has turned in his work and what he has missing. He calls me at the end of each week to keep me up to date. This is helping lots.  If you request a M-team the school has to do the evaluation. If your child has an AS diagnosis it can qualify him for this extra help. |
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momofanspie
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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Joined: Oct 14, 2005
Posts: 69
Location: staten island, new york
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| Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 9:53 am Post subject: |
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| My sons in a therapheutic school, what's an ED? The class is 8:1:1 and have all children that have either Learning Disability, AS, ADD, clinical depression, etc. no outburst or behavioral kids in the class. The teachers unfortunately are not taught on AS or and ASD and its usually up to the parents to give them info. I was even able to give them a heads up on a special college program at PACE University in New York for free on autism but none of them opted for it. I know his social worker was very disappointed that none of the teachers even called. |
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pooftis
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 11, 2005
Posts: 351
Location: San Marcos, CA
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| Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2005 1:09 am Post subject: |
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Your sons school should have notified you first off. Try having your son get something signed by teachers each week for assignments, I think most schools have something like that, to be able to be on top of it better and be more in the loop.
As for your husband, has he considered counceling for parents of special children? He is going to get old and realize he lost out on a relationship with his child and niether will be the better for it, and you sound like the stress of it is wearing you down, which isn't fair to you either.
_________________
I hate hearing, "you don't seem autistic/aspie". I have a nagging suspicion most people have no idea what autistic or aspie "seem" like in the first place... |
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momofanspie
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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Joined: Oct 14, 2005
Posts: 69
Location: staten island, new york
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| Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 8:51 am Post subject: |
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I do tell them to keep me informed about what is going on and usually they speak to his social worker and she will call me but this time the social worker had no clue and she got ontop of the situation.
As for my husband, I have tried to get him informed on AS, as well as ds doctor, there are times he understands and then there are times he just has his own blowout. My son, when he talks sometimes can be very abrupt and sounds rude. My husband can't take ds rudeness at me or himself and starts to blame me for letting my son talk to me that way. He also tells me that I am always defending him and justifing his actions over and over. Yes, I am guilty of that. I do tell my son that there is a better way of saying things and how he may of said it might come off as being rude. I tell my husband, he has to be taught the right way and he tells me I'm just babying him, he should know better. I keep going in circles.
This weekend for example, the two of us went out to a movie and the ds went to his friends house. We told ds that if we get out of the movie early enough we would pick him up at his friends, if not he had bus money to get home. Needlesstosay, the son calls me while we're in the movies, and he was leaving. I told him in a really low voice(in the movie) that we are still at the movie to take the bus. He said, what? the bus, I cant really hear you, I said take the bus we are still at the movies. My husband took it as What me take the bus...The son text messages me saying real sweet. My husband had a fit, so angry he told me that he wants out of this relationship and he cannot handle the son anymore and that I am not letting him grow up and I shouldn't let him walk all over me. After 10 more minutes of all of this he kept saying he is the Loser in this situation he can never be right and if it was a choice between him and my son I will always be on my sons side. He then says, If I gave you a choice between me and your son who would you choose?
I said to him thats not a fair question to ever ask a mother. He then said you see I will never be right and I will always be the Loser in this situation. I turned around (crying by this point) and said you have an option you can leave, his real father left but I can never leave my son. You can divorce me and never have to go through any of this, not a worry in the world. I don't want to be a burden on you so I cannot even ask you to stay, I understand. So whose life is better off, I will always be the one my son will fall back on, I will always be the one that my son will come for help, he's my son and I cannot abandon him.
My husband starts to apologize and tells me he loves me to bits but he cannot understand my understanding over my son. He makes amends as I cry myself to sleep. My son walks through the door and I know he safe at home and we all sleep.
Nothing is said until Sunday.
Sunday roles around and the husband is all apologetic and the son tells me I'm sorry Mom, I realized that you were still at the movies and I over reacted sorry for the text too.
Stress has been overwhelming lately, between the school, the son, and my husband I just want to go hide somewhere where no one can find me but that's not an option so I keep on going.
As for today, thanks for letting me vent this out. |
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