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qgambit
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 06, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 68
Location: Los Angeles CA
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 Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 3:35 am Post subject: Another date w/ NT another "lets be friends" momen |
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| Aaarggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! |
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sim
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 20, 2008
Age: 18
Posts: 637
Location: an uneven circle
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| Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 6:12 am Post subject: |
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| LET'S GO GET A DRINK MAN |
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D1nk0
Phoenix
Joined: Dec 12, 2007
Age: 29
Posts: 1589
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| Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 9:52 am Post subject: |
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You know, is it unreasonable to have the attitude(in General)that if you meet a woman whos interesting and all she can offer is friendship than she's not worth having anything to do with? Thats how Ive been doing things lately. But there are those who say if you have those expectations you'll never actually fnd what you're looking for......  |
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KenM
Velociraptor
Joined: Oct 16, 2005
Age: 40
Posts: 477
Location: Mass. USA
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| Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 10:23 am Post subject: |
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I just broke it off with a girl I was seeing for like 6 months. After our first date, she told me that she just wanted to be friends, for now. That she has some issues she needed to work out and not ready for a reltionship. As we stay firends and hang out, she tells me about these other guys she is meeting and interested in but she gets upset when they tell her that they just want to be friends. I told her "i thought you just wanted to stay friends you were not ready, ect." Then she tells me that there is no spark between us and even before we went out, she already made up her mind that she was going to be just a friend with me. Not even considering me for a deeper relationship, even though I told her from the start I was looking for a reltionshiip.
I hope there is speical place in Hell for women like this. I was coming off another reltionship where that girl sent me alot of mixed signals and this new girl did alot of damage to me.
qgambit, I know how you feel. 99% of the time thats all I hear form women, too. its really frustrating.
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There is good and there is evil, and evil must be punished. Even in the face of armageeddon I shall not compromise in this.
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JohnHopkins
In no way offensive to anybody. Honest.
Joined: Nov 20, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 1425
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| Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 2:44 pm Post subject: |
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| To the OP: Mate, be glad you got that far, since a lot of people on this board don't. |
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qgambit
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 06, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 68
Location: Los Angeles CA
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| Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 3:14 pm Post subject: |
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| KenM wrote: | I just broke it off with a girl I was seeing for like 6 months. After our first date, she told me that she just wanted to be friends, for now. That she has some issues she needed to work out and not ready for a reltionship. As we stay firends and hang out, she tells me about these other guys she is meeting and interested in but she gets upset when they tell her that they just want to be friends. I told her "i thought you just wanted to stay friends you were not ready, ect." Then she tells me that there is no spark between us and even before we went out, she already made up her mind that she was going to be just a friend with me. Not even considering me for a deeper relationship, even though I told her from the start I was looking for a reltionshiip.
qgambit, I know how you feel. 99% of the time thats all I hear form women, too. its really frustrating. |
Yeah it is frustrating. Thing is, she was the one who initially showed interest in me.
Then she couldn't understand why I didn't want to be her friend. After all everybody wants to be friends, right?? I got frustrated and couldn't explain it to her at that moment. Our definition of friendship is just different.
Last edited by qgambit on Sun May 04, 2008 6:50 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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vimster
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Oct 17, 2007
Posts: 49
Location: south-west UK
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| Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 6:35 pm Post subject: |
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"Let's just be friends" has to be the worst gentle let-down line ever. Roughly translated it means "I can tell you want to take this further but frankly I don't find you attractive and was hoping for someone different. I'd like you to hang around though as you'll be handy for when the real man I find isn't giving me the attention I need, though obviously we will only talk, let's get that straight".
Using the "let's just be friends' line assumes that the man will suddenly go from thinking "wow, this woman really is speical enough for me to want to get closer to them" to some passive state, a move which has historically been proven to be impossible.
You can say we shouldn't go into this with such heightened expectations but then what happens, she finds someone and when you tell them you had feelings for them they tell you that you hadn't shown any interest.
I feel for you and hope the next woman doesn't string you along with that awful line and instead gives it to you straight. It may hurt more but it'll be better for you in the long run. |
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ToadOfSteel
Extremist Moderate
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 1968
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 10:32 pm Post subject: |
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I had that line dropped on me before too...
Then, 6 years later, when she witnessed me finally getting over it and hitting on another girl, she started inexplicably talking to me all the time... |
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vimster
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Oct 17, 2007
Posts: 49
Location: south-west UK
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 7:22 am Post subject: |
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| ToadOfSteel wrote: | I had that line dropped on me before too...
Then, 6 years later, when she witnessed me finally getting over it and hitting on another girl, she started inexplicably talking to me all the time... |
Hedging her bets, clearly. And women complain when men can't commit. |
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ToadOfSteel
Extremist Moderate
Joined: Sep 24, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 1968
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 9:35 am Post subject: |
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| Granted, at the time of the original incident, we were both 14... not to mention my first attempt wasn't even half-assed (more like 1/10-assed)... things could definitely have changed as a result of going through puberty... |
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TheDoctor82
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 29, 2008
Posts: 143
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 5:46 am Post subject: |
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Let me tell you a line from a letter that a girl I liked, in high school, wrote me...or at least what it boiled down to: "I'm not ready to get into relationships right now, but I'm sorta interested in this other guy".
I may be AS, but I'm not stupid.
Ironically, she and I are still friends. She's actually been very helpful to me, in terms of advice regarding certain stuff about me and my girlfriend- and I'm helping her out in her life wherever I can.
And believe me- I don't regret she and I not hooking up. She became a religious nutjob. I found the one I want, as you all know. |
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sands
Toucan
Joined: Dec 03, 2007
Age: 41
Posts: 267
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 11:25 pm Post subject: |
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When I read this post I almost had to laugh, since it is me who is the NT and the guy I like has Aspergers and just wants to be friends! Believe me it doesn't feel good from either side!!!!!!!!
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Cassandra Lou
What's normal anyway? |
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LeonKrahe
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 26, 2007
Age: 22
Posts: 47
Location: New Jersey
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| Posted: Sat May 10, 2008 8:48 pm Post subject: |
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I fully agree with your AAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!
| JohnHopkins wrote: | | To the OP: Mate, be glad you got that far, since a lot of people on this board don't. |
It's all a matter of how closely to your face you'd like the cookie dangled before it's yanked away from you.
I'm in this situation now, although it's a bit different considering she's had the same boyfriend since even before meeting me (they're going on 4 years, I've known her for almost 2), and now she calls me her best friend. >_< Being in the Super Friend Zone isn't much better let me tell you.
Ironically, she and many of my other attractive female friends have remarked at one time or another "I'm so surprised you don't have a girlfriend!" Well yeah, because none of you have wanted to be mine! lol. Apparently I'm such a wonderful guy (they are my friends of course), BUT I'm not for any of them... they, like nearly all women I've ever known, prefer douche bags unanimously. The decent guys are always for 'some other lucky girl' that legend has it, will someday be made happy by me.
I'm tempted someday to just come out and kiss my best friend out of the blue, just to test whether or not she can feel anything for me or not. Simply asking her would certainly yield a "no", since she couldn't know any better until she tries it... okay so maybe this is among my dumbest ideas especially since I do want to stay friends with her and not have to confront her boyfriend again after the last time I tried to 'steal' her from him over a year ago... but I'm getting quickly tired of asking myself "What if?" I'll never get over her as long as question lingers in my mind. To kiss her and have her tell me she felt nothing, that'd solidify my defeat better than anything she's ever said before.
Until then, I'm stuck just being a friend... or sometimes it feels like I'm the co-boyfriend. I get the shxt-end of the job, cheering her up and comforting her and being there for her and all that, while her real boyfriend (whose occasionally the very cause of her miseries) reaps the rewards of her affection for doing the bare minimum to keep her happy, and even less ever since her and I have been closer.
| vimster wrote: | "Let's just be friends" has to be the worst gentle let-down line ever. Roughly translated it means "... I'd like you to hang around though as you'll be handy for when the real man I find isn't giving me the attention I need, though obviously we will only talk, let's get that straight".
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That sums up my situation pretty well. Not to say she's not an excellent friend though, BUT it only works if you get over your feelings for her first. Otherwise it can be kinda painful.
Sorry for the rant folks, but that's why I don't post often! |
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Josie
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 26, 2008
Posts: 513
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| Posted: Sat May 10, 2008 8:53 pm Post subject: |
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| The "lets be friends" line has happened to me a lot too. But the guys always want to come back, LOL!!! |
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Starscream
Snowy Owl
Joined: Feb 19, 2007
Age: 22
Posts: 161
Location: The Planet Cybertron
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| Posted: Sat May 10, 2008 9:04 pm Post subject: |
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i get the whole lets be friends thing all the time
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