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Aspie1
Overman
Joined: Mar 08, 2005
Posts: 2483
Location: United States
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 Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 8:05 pm Post subject: A Girl from Work Might be Attracted to Me. |
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(Heads up: long post)
There's this girl at work who might have mild feeling of attraction toward me. We're in different departments: I'm the IT guy, and she's in HR. Before anyone says anything, she did not play a part in the hiring decision. She used to be in Accounting, but was transferred to HR about a month after I started with the company. (I was responsible for changing her network settings during the transition.) Overall, there are about 150 people working in the whole building. I see her on average once every two days.
As a person, she's very friendly and easy to get along with, smiles a lot, and has a bubbly personality. She looks really good, and has a hair color that I like. She's also computer illiterate. So she often calls me with questions about thinks that happened to her computer. Doing my job, I come to her office and fix them, oftentimes within minutes. On occasion, the problems take hours or days to resolve.
She's always seems happy to see me, and cooperates when I ask her to do something to help me fix the problem. We even had a few good conversations, mostly about work-related things. For quite a while by now, she's been acting touchy-feely (in an appropriate manner, obviously). She sometimes touches me on the arm or on the shoulder, particularly when she thanks me for fixing her problem. One time, she even said "thanks, hon". Following my friend's warning, I never try to touch her or even ask her to lunch (don't need that sexual harassment crap on my record). All I do is fix her problem, make a safe joke, or tease her in an "ooh, you broke it" kind of way.
My guess is that it's all a part of her bubbly personality, and I shouldn't read into it too much, although I haven't seen her acting like that with other people. And besides, I have no intention of dating in the workplace, whether or not she likes me. It's a job I've been wanting to find for years, and it's just not worth sacrificing my career for a relationship. Also, she regularly works with the company executives, so I'm sure she'd be more attracted to them than to me. But attraction works in mysterious ways sometimes, so you never know. Anyway, what's your take on all this? Do you think there's some attraction on her part? Or was I right the whole time, and it's just her personality? Tell me what you think.
Last edited by Aspie1 on Thu May 08, 2008 1:21 am; edited 1 time in total |
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agmoie
Supporting Member
Joined: Aug 09, 2005
Posts: 240
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| Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 8:13 pm Post subject: |
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drop a hint about a good restaurant,movie,art gallery etc and see if she bites.
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Asperger's is not a disease
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Pundit23
Blue Jay
Joined: Apr 07, 2008
Posts: 79
Location: Look Behind You.
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| Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 8:32 pm Post subject: |
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| I second that suggestion. |
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velodog
Gold Supporter
Joined: Mar 16, 2008
Posts: 1251
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| Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 3:02 am Post subject: |
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| You're in, start with lunch or sitting by her in the break room at lunch. Don't give yourself a reason to kick yourself in the ass later. |
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DuceXcreW
Sea Gull
Joined: Oct 10, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 221
Location: New York
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| Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 3:26 am Post subject: Re: A Girl from Work Might be Attracted to Me. |
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| Aspie1 wrote: |
As a person, she's very friendly and easy to get along with, smiles a lot, and has a bubbly personality. |
I see why she's no longer in accounting.
Guys, he just said he wouldn't want to date in the office though? Or are we just going to ignore that 
I wouldn't say so much as "you're in" but rather, "you're not out." If she was repulsed by you, she would most likely go out of her way not to see you, definitely not touch you, and not put on the potentially false bubbly mood.
I'm not trying to grind her to a pulp -- I'm just exaggerating the opposite of what is going on to enhance perspective on the situation. |
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northern_light_girl
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 29, 2008
Posts: 141
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| Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 11:06 am Post subject: |
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It's risky. If you got the signals wrong and she's just friendly...and if you say you need to come to her a lot to fix her computer...it would be very awkward to do this work if things don't work out. It will turn into an unpleasant chore for both of you.
So weigh the risks carefully 
Maybe there's a way you could hang out with her with a group of co-workers. Like a social "happy-hour" after work, with people from your department and her department, where you'd get to talk to her in a friendly and non-work-related context. Or an office party or office outing (picnic, sports event, volunteering etc). If she continues to act very friendly and seems interested in you..well...you take it from there.
Also you could start talking to her about her interests, when fixing her computer. But in a way that's work-appropriate..ask about the type of work she does in HR; f she has any certificates/awards in her cube ask where she got them etc..where she went to school, what her major was..safe stuff like that. |
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Cyberman
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Posts: 907
Location: Telos
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| Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 2:42 pm Post subject: |
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It can be VERY difficult for anyone, even NT's, to decode the "signals" of someone else. In fact, it's pointless to even try. While a woman might find you "cute," she's more likely to mean "cute" as in "fluffy white hamster" rather than "dating material." So I've found that the best thing to do is to assume that she doesn't like you in "that way" unless she tells you flat out. True, you're not likely to have any relationships with this attitude, but at least you can avoid the sexual harrassment charges.  |
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Aspie1
Overman
Joined: Mar 08, 2005
Posts: 2483
Location: United States
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 12:51 am Post subject: |
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I observed more closely during the last few days, but so far, I didn't pick up any signals, other than the usual touchy-feely thing (e.g. a pat on the arm while talking to me). I also had one flirty conversation with her, where basically, I ended up being right in a disagreement. I said "so who's the winner now!?", and she said "hey, watch it!" in a flirty tone. I don't know if that means anything, but it'd sure be flattered if it did. Especially considering the fact that I did not put in any effort other than fixing her computer and stuff.
Overall, I don't plan on dating her. Even if dating in the workplace were OK, the odds are stacked against me. First of all, she's looks really good; that alone reduces my chances to less than 5%. (I'm, on the other hand, borderline ugly.) Second, being in HR, she works with high-level executives a lot, so she's more likely to be attracted to them than to an entry-level IT guy. Third, she might even have a boyfriend outside of work.
Yet she does that touchy-feely thing. I haven't seen her to it to anyone else, male or female. I enjoy it, but it seems out of place compared to the rest of my experiences with women. Can someone help me reconcile the whole thing? The odds are stacked against me, yet she acts the way she does. What's the deal? |
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LePetitPrince
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 3144
Location: Beirut , Lebanon
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 4:14 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Overall, I don't plan on dating her. Even if dating in the workplace were OK, the odds are stacked against me. First of all, she's looks really good; that alone reduces my chances to less than 5%. (I'm, on the other hand, borderline ugly.) Second, being in HR, she works with high-level executives a lot, so she's more likely to be attracted to them than to an entry-level IT guy. Third, she might even have a boyfriend outside of work. |
if what you are saying is 100% true then you have 0% chance with her unless if you are being too hard on yourself. |
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DuceXcreW
Sea Gull
Joined: Oct 10, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 221
Location: New York
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 5:44 pm Post subject: |
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| LePetitPrince wrote: | | Quote: | | Overall, I don't plan on dating her. Even if dating in the workplace were OK, the odds are stacked against me. First of all, she's looks really good; that alone reduces my chances to less than 5%. (I'm, on the other hand, borderline ugly.) Second, being in HR, she works with high-level executives a lot, so she's more likely to be attracted to them than to an entry-level IT guy. Third, she might even have a boyfriend outside of work. |
if what you are saying is 100% true then you have 0% chance with her unless if you are being too hard on yourself. |
and if we know anything about most of the people that frequent these boards: You're being too hard on yourself.
Check it: Look in a mirror? Got a face? Definitely more attractive than severe burn victims -- and probably then some too. |
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juliekitty
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 26, 2006
Posts: 1715
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| Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 9:52 pm Post subject: |
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| I've known lots of perfectly reasonable-looking guys who claimed to be ugly, but I don't know if they really thought so or if they were just being humble. |
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AdrianB
Toucan
Joined: Apr 13, 2007
Posts: 293
Location: Antwerp, Belgium
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| Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 1:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Aspie1 wrote: | I observed more closely during the last few days, but so far, I didn't pick up any signals, other than the usual touchy-feely thing (e.g. a pat on the arm while talking to me). I also had one flirty conversation with her, where basically, I ended up being right in a disagreement. I said "so who's the winner now!?", and she said "hey, watch it!" in a flirty tone. I don't know if that means anything, but it'd sure be flattered if it did. Especially considering the fact that I did not put in any effort other than fixing her computer and stuff.
Overall, I don't plan on dating her. Even if dating in the workplace were OK, the odds are stacked against me. First of all, she's looks really good; that alone reduces my chances to less than 5%. (I'm, on the other hand, borderline ugly.) Second, being in HR, she works with high-level executives a lot, so she's more likely to be attracted to them than to an entry-level IT guy. Third, she might even have a boyfriend outside of work.
Yet she does that touchy-feely thing. I haven't seen her to it to anyone else, male or female. I enjoy it, but it seems out of place compared to the rest of my experiences with women. Can someone help me reconcile the whole thing? The odds are stacked against me, yet she acts the way she does. What's the deal? |
I'd be careful on such observations. I've noticed from my own experiences that i (almost) never notice this either while it does happen!
You don't know how she is after work or during work while you're not there.
Maybe you could check around a bit for some information about her. (Do this with people you trust so you know it won't "leak".)
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Bad things occur in order to make the good ones excel.
Taking up the sword to hack trough any reason can be quite effective on some occasions. |
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