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MartyMoose
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 01, 2008
Age: 20
Posts: 522
Location: Chicago
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 Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 4:47 pm Post subject: Re: Harassed by Teacher During Meltdown - READ |
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| Teoka wrote: | Taken from my note on Facebook
| Quote: | "You filthy slime, how dare you think of some of our limitations and difficulties as cop-outs, if you can prove to me that you are a better person, no, a better person without some of your own problems, prove to me just how "normal" you are, I'll shut the hell up! but as far as I'm concerned, you will never be anything but a fithy, useless, disgusting piece of intolerant [neurotypical] garbage."
-Invictus
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Due to some ignorant assholes out there assuming that I was in the wrong that one fateful day in AP Government, I'll tell you, in as much detail as possible, what happened.
Unless you know me or know about Asperger's Syndrome/autism, you will not understand why I acted like this. Do some research on Asperger's; I recommend OASIS, the wiki article, and WrongPlanet.net.
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I came into AP Government, feeling depressed. You see, some of my friends decided to sit somewhere else during lunch. I couldn't find them, which was stressful, seeing as it was a change in my routine that I didn't expect or enjoy. In addition, they didn't invite me to sit with them, so even IF I had found them, I wouldn't have had the guts to ask to sit with them. I already had the sneaking suspicion that a couple of them had a problem with me, anyways.
I lied my head on my desk to give myself some time to cool down. And it was working, too. But over from his desk, Mr. Crawford decided to take notice of me, in his typical, sarcastic tone...
Crawford - Katie, are you done with your practice test?
Katie - *shakes head*
Crawford - Sleep on your own time and finish it.
This is what got the ball rolling. Crawford knows about my Asperger's and my Section 504 plan (like an IEP). He knows that I'm very sensitive and knows that talking to me like that would make things worse. And if he didn't know, he wasn't doing his job.
Anyway, I responded...
Katie - I'm not sleeping, I'm depressed!
...and this is when my meltdown began. I was doing fine before, not bothering a soul, but him accusing me of doing something that I wasn't pushed me over the edge. I started crying, but not sobbing. He asked if I needed to go to my counselor, but I declined. Getting up in front of the whole class would cause me too much anxiety, and I didn't like my counselor.
I tried to keep my crying to a minimal volume, so I wouldn't attract his attention. The other students were not distracted beyond the occasional "what's wrong?" Most of them didn't seem to care, actually.
Later, Crawford stood next to my desk, insisting that I leave because I was "distracting the other students from their work," and he'd have to "move the class" if I didn't leave. This just made me feel even worse and my crying louder. I was clutching to my jacket, I was so upset and scared. I hate it when teachers try to guilt-trip students like that. And he just stood there, sighed antagonistically, and walked back to his desk. At this point, more students were taking notice, mainly because, I assume, Crawford drew attention to it.
((At this point, I want to contrast his actions with that of my Algebra II teacher, Mr. Grewal. I had an almost identical meltdown in his class. He asked if I was okay, I said no. He asked if I wanted to go to my counselor, and I said no. He didn't push the issue. I was crying louder in that class, and there were absolutely no issues with the rest of the class or the teacher.))
In the middle of going over the answers to the practice test, Crawford suddenly and without warning turned on me. He then threatened to call security if I did not leave. Knowing that what he was threatening to do was inappropriate, I loudly asserted "I have Asperger's Syndrome! I'm having a meltdown! That's NOT how you're supposed to treat me!" And I'll be damned if I had let him.
He then proceeded to yell at me about six to eight feet away, saying things such as "I don't care what kind of syndrome you have!" That was the most insulting thing I have EVER heard. It's no different than saying the same thing to someone with clinical depression, ADHD, or a physical disability. It's not something we can control, and it's part of who we are.
Crawford even skulked over to the security button, almost dancing around it, threatening to press it. He said something along the lines of "See this? I'll press it if you don't leave!" Knowing that he would look ridiculous calling in the school cops over a crying teenage autistic girl, I said, "Go ahead, call security! It's not gonna make you look any better!" So he picked up the phone and made a call.
At this point, the class was in complete disarray. Milgo, Emily, and Ashley were around my desk, helping me out, while I'm sure the rest of the class was shocked. I was, too, although I was feeling more energized than before. After all, this incident could propel efforts to make public schools more accommodating for people with Asperger's/autism. And there's no way in hell that I'm going to a special school. We can't be corralled away from the general public; that'd just make adjusting to life after high school more difficult! There are those with low-functioning autism who need some separation, but the majority of us are just as academically capable, often more so, than our neurotypical peers.
After Crawford got off the phone, he left the room briefly, came back, and ordered the class to take their things and move to a different room. Everyone except for Milgo, Emily, and Ashley, followed him out of the room. I could barely believe that he had pulled such a move! Not only did that make me feel more isolated and despised, but it was an overreaction to the situation.
The rest of the time was spent gathering myself up, explaining the situation to a couple teachers, and telling my parents what happened. Needless to say, they were, and still are, furious. I went home early.
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I have since been pulled out of his class and moved to Mr. William's AP Government class nearby. I'll have to adjust to a new class of mostly seniors who I don't even know in a classroom I've never been in. And now I can't take IB Philosophy like I had dreamed of, because Crawford's the only teacher in the state who teaches said course.
When my parents and aunt had a conference about this, he left out many important details, all of which incriminated him. Needless to say, his supervisor, Mr. Yarborough, was on his side, and treated my aunt, the head of the science department at Annandale HS, with no respect. My counselor, Mrs. Murphy, didn't even try to advocate for me and even tried to make excuses for Crawford. As of recently, she isn't my counselor anymore. But hey, at least I can say that I've got Mr. Meier on my side.  Yep, my parents spoke with him and asked for his help, and he gave plenty. Take that, faculty >D
What Crawford did is called disability harassment. He KNEW that I had a disability, as much as I hate calling my AS that, yet he treated me horribly and yelled at me when I was at my most fragile. As a teacher, he is expected and taught to keep student's conditions in mind when teaching them. At this, he failed.
((It's also worthy to mention that when Daniel, a kid in my former AP Gov' class, was playing with the screen in the computer lab, Crawford said, "What are you, autistic?" The rest of the class may have found that to be hilarious, but I was NOT happy.))
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If what you have read does not disgust and infuriate you, that a teacher would treat an autistic student as such, then you need to get with the picture.
Sincerely,
Katie |
A lot of that was directed towards a select few idiots who thought that Crawford was in the right. But it nicely depicts what happened.
I can't say much on what action we plan to take, but let's just say he's gonna have an example made of him >D |
I once got screamed at by a teacher in grammer school when she told me to read between the lines and I asked where the lines were. I look back at that and think f*ck her. Actually f*ck most grammer school teachers. |
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Teoka
Raven
Joined: Sep 23, 2007
Posts: 115
Location: Northern VA
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| Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 4:55 pm Post subject: |
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I should probably mention that he was semi-aware of what I was like before the first quarter was over.
You see, when my parents got the diagnosis, they got right on getting me a 504 plan. I would've gotten an IEP, but I wanted to keep taking high-level (read: IB and AP) classes and not be labeled as "special ed." Anyway, they had a conference with every one of my teachers at the same time, where they spelled out what they needed to know and do. Not only that, but they sent a well-written and detailed memo about what I'm like. And one of the things emphasized was how sensitive I am and about my meltdowns.
Thanks for the kind words and advice, everyone! Keep it coming, 'cause I'll need it.
@ velodog - I'll keep that in mind. Wouldn't want to create scorn with the rest of the faculty. 
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velodog
Gold Supporter
Joined: Mar 16, 2008
Posts: 1062
Location: North of SF Bay Area
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| Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 6:06 pm Post subject: |
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My suggesting backing away from a scorched earth reprisal policy is a "Do as I say, not as I do" in a manner since I have hurt people and careers in the past. There may have been some satisfaction on my part, but my funny stories about getting fired usually came with a cost. Your clarification about the meeting before the end of the first quarter does make it even more clear that Mr. Crawford probably could have been more diplomatic in his approach. Aspergers is fairly subtle on the scale of PDD's which is usually good since we can do so many things that others with disoreders/ disability scale may not be able to do. That's also why it may be hard for others to figure us out. Combine that with an abrasive personality on top of a "God died and left me in charge of this Classroom" attitude and shits on. You and other Teens are the first generation of Aspies that are going through as Aspies and how you conduct yourselves will affect subsequent generations. That's why a Pyrrhic Victory is unsat. For the benefit of those of us who have been out of school forever please elaborate on 504 and IEP. Good luck in finding a satisfactory resolution.  |
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Simmian7
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 23, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 171
Location: Motown
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| Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 7:08 pm Post subject: |
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those things that teach said...about pressing the button....even saying that to an NT...just sounds kinda stupid on his part. 
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*Christina*
It's like someone's calling out to me. Writing it all down...it's like I'm calling back to them.
(quote from August Rush; but used as a reference to my writing) |
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RainSong
The Argumentive Lunatic
Joined: May 02, 2006
Posts: 4144
Location: Ohio
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| Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 8:08 pm Post subject: |
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This is going to be harsh, but I'm blunt and realistic.
To be completely honest, I don't see much of a problem with what he did. He wasn't sensitive with his language, but that isn't a horrible offense.
I've been in classes where some other aspie or NT has had a meltdown. With the exception of one, who was more just starting than actually all the way there, they were incredibly distracting. Especially if I was taking a test. The rest of us pretend not to notice, because it's awkward, but trust me, we do. You didn't say what practice test the others were taking, but I'll guess that it was the practice AP test; it's that time of the year, and considering that was the class you were in... Anyway, AP tests require a ton and a half of concentration, so if you're crying, you're probably distracting someone.
He tried handling the situation diplomatically at first, by offering to allow you to leave to get some help. You declined. You should haveremoved yourself at that point.
A disorder does not mean a free ride to do whatever you want. You say you don't want to go to a special school, and that's fine. But as such, you need to realize that you're not the only one in the room, and the teacher cannot revolve around you. The majority of the class is the first consideration. The majority of the class would probably appreciate passing the test and being able to use their practice to the best of their advantage. That's a fact, not a guilt trip.
Thus, it was not selfish for him to ask you to leave, nor was it unreasonable for him to remove the class after you refused. Undoubtedly, forcing the class to move would be more disruptive to them than having you leave, so calling security was also justified.
Quite frankly, I know you were having a meltdown, but your reactions sound closer to a temper tantrum. Like I said, having AS does not give you priority over the rest of the class, and it's not an adequate excuse for staying back when you could have left.
You talk about adjusting to life after high school, but you're not going to be comforted after high school for having a meltdown, unless you find an incredibly understanding boss (and that's not all that likely). If you expect to have allowances made for you because of it, you're in for a sore surprise.
I know, given our lack of empathy and whatnot, that quite a few aspies think of only themselves before, during, and after meltdowns; you're not an exception. However, you weren't the only one there. What your teacher did was help his other students. He wasn't "harassing" you; he was thinking of the rest of the students. Obviously, he did try to help at first, when he offered to let you leave; you refused however, and that it is your fault.
It doesn't disgust and infuriate me. Actually, I see it as kind of boring; switch a few words and you have a complaint used over and over again.
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"You'll never get to heaven if you're afraid of getting high." |
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ebec11
Missing In Action: Innocence
Joined: Jan 18, 2008
Posts: 5234
Location: A Bubble in the Ocean
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| Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 8:14 pm Post subject: |
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| Teoka wrote: | I would've seen my counselor if I had felt comfortable around her. But I don't. She is not warm at all. And getting up in front of the class would cause too much anxiety (I also have General Anxiety Disorder).
Note that another teacher handled it completely differently when I had a meltdown very similar to this, and he was able to teach the class. It's not impossible. If you knew this teacher, you'd understand. He is demeaning and always sarcastic. I've also spoken with many of the students in the classroom at the time who said that they were mildly concerned for me, but did not work any less proficiently.
"Making an example" is probably not the right phrasing.
I understand that I've got some things to work on, but at this point in time, I haven't solved the problem, but I'm trying. And he knew that. But he decided to threaten me with the school cops. Even if I was NT and I was crying, that's no excuse for what he did. I can't change or control him, but I can somehow show the world that what he did was absolutely wrong.
I was just hoping that I wasn't the only one who's had to deal with this, and maybe I could get some help ;-; I only know one other person with Asperger's personally, and she's in another school district. I'm the only aspie who I know in my school of 4,000 students. It's hard enough to get my peers to understand what happened... |
I get what you mean. Were you making any sound? Because if not, it's NOT disturbing, as I've done the same thing and nobody cares. I think you should have asked to go to the washroom or something, but he was still out of line. (I had the evilest teacher - even worse then yours - and I just had to remember that I would be done with him after the semester - and in your case right after that class - and although there's jerks like that in the world, there's so many nice people out there that actually care)
Maybe you should plan some coping skills to use for next time? I have a stress ball that I use, plus I count to a hundred or do simple math (because math is usually calming for me) in my head.
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"You can do the math a thousand way, but you can't undo the past"
From P!nk's song 'I'm Not Dead' |
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ebec11
Missing In Action: Innocence
Joined: Jan 18, 2008
Posts: 5234
Location: A Bubble in the Ocean
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| Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 8:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Teoka wrote: | I should probably mention that he was semi-aware of what I was like before the first quarter was over.
You see, when my parents got the diagnosis, they got right on getting me a 504 plan. I would've gotten an IEP, but I wanted to keep taking high-level (read: IB and AP) classes and not be labeled as "special ed." Anyway, they had a conference with every one of my teachers at the same time, where they spelled out what they needed to know and do. Not only that, but they sent a well-written and detailed memo about what I'm like. And one of the things emphasized was how sensitive I am and about my meltdowns.
Thanks for the kind words and advice, everyone! Keep it coming, 'cause I'll need it.
@ velodog - I'll keep that in mind. Wouldn't want to create scorn with the rest of the faculty. |
I have an IEP (and an IERP or whatever it is), but I'm in all academic classes and am on the honor roll. It doesn't affect whether you go to university or not.
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"You can do the math a thousand way, but you can't undo the past"
From P!nk's song 'I'm Not Dead' |
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nomnom_hamster
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 08, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 205
Location: USA
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 12:15 am Post subject: |
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Ask milgo, emily and ashley if you please can eat lunch with them instead of the people who abandoned you Don't bring up what happened unless they do. Its ok to not say anything the entire lunch (although you may try mirroring expressions:    )
Ask for a different counselor, if you don't have one already.
Now, I have to agree with what some people have been saying about taking the high road, that you need to adjust etc. The teacher was acting like a child though, IMO.
However....
If that... teacher ...continues to harass you (outside of class) or if you hear any students say something like...mr. (crawford?) said such and such about that incident, I would press charges/lawsuit. What happened has happened. But he doesn't need to be seeking revenge by talking to other students about it or you, nor do any of the teachers need to start acting up outside of class, because they agree with him. On the same note, don't start griping and whining at school about the incident, or the teacher.
They are adults, and they need to act like it.
You need to show them that you can act maturely about a situation like this.
And I have to say, you need to get used to situations where you will be stressed, and you can't just start crying and stimming. The world isn't made like that, and that is something you'll have to get accustomed to eventually. Hopefully, it will be while you're at school, and not in a place like at your chosen profession, where you could be fired for something like that and you have bills to pay.
I'm so sorry this had to happen to you, and I'm sorry if you don't feel like you're getting the support you need from us here. But in this situation, it would be much, much better for you if you took the high road. If the teachers start griping and whining, it'll be against them, not you. You'll end up look like the victim (and if that happens, they'll be in trouble for talking about it etc.)
No, he shouldn't have treated you like that, he should have read the reports etc.
But you need to act like "the better person".
If the stress balls or whatever you use don't work, then... And this may sound extremely harsh, but try sucking it up about your meltdowns and annoyances until after school. Then you can de-stress/decompress afterwards. Talk to your parents and let them know that if you decide to do that, then make sure they know that you need time alone afterward (And you probably do anyways because...its a school with people )That may not work for everyone...but like I said before, you'd be much much better off (if you don't take it too far>) figuring this stuff out during school, and not at your profession. |
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Zara
Ninja Robot
Joined: Jun 24, 2007
Age: 27
Posts: 1216
Location: VA
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 1:20 am Post subject: |
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Sorry that this happened. It sounds quite frustrating.
However...
Like a few others have noted, you really should have took that chance to leave the classroom. I would argue it would have gotten you out of there so could cool down better. You couldn't have gone to the counselor right away and used the restroom to calm down beforehand.
Was the anxiety of staying worth it over the anxiety of getting up and leaving the class? I'd say the answer is obvious.
I encourage you to look back on this and think diplomatically about this. You keep keep saying "he" should have done this, "he" should have done that. It's a fact of life you will never control what other people can do and they won't always do what you expect. You should think about what "you" could have done to make the situation better. Only from that can you learn to avoid repeating this situation again.
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Speckles
Deinonychus
Joined: May 03, 2008
Posts: 356
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 11:17 am Post subject: |
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I have to agree with the teacher. Yes, near the end he was beginning to panic and over-react, but I'd probably do the same in that situation.
It doesn't matter if you are in pain, it doesn't matter if you have a disability, in my opinion you were being selfish. You were saying that your need to act out was more important then all the other students' need to learn and do well on the test. If you were being asked if you were alright, then you clearly were being noticed. Seeing someone in pain is increadibly distracting and distressing, and people will try to pretend to ignore it the best they can, out of respect and a desire to not antagonize further.
In the long run, what the teacher did was, IMO, a service to you. This IS how people will treat you when you enter the work force. Unless you are an increadible genius, on the level of Mozart or Einstein, people simply won't put up with helpless meltdowns. If you cannot control your behavior, then you will not be able to hold down a job. If you are truly sincere in your desire to complete your schooling in the normal curiculum, then you must control your behaviour, or leave the class when you cannot.
If the teacher is truly intolerable, deal with him outside of class. If you wish to have both accomodation and respect, you must also accomodate others to the best of your ability. I have never had a teacher who wasn't willing to bend over backwards to help me if I was able to meet them halfway. Respect others, and they will respect you back.
I admit, this teacher may be the very rare douchebag. I actually sort of doubt this, as he did try to negotiate with you. But if he is, start bringing a tape recorder to class, put it on your desk in an obvious way, and leave it on. If he complains, say that you want to be sure that, in case you have another melt-down and have to leave class, you want to be sure to at least be able to listen to the lesson later. If he is being a bully, you can play the recording to others and show that he really isn't being accomadating enough. This will either prevent further bullying, or will get him repremanded if he does persist.
I know that the tape recorder thing isn't useful right now, since you are no longer in his class; but if you were ever to find yourself in the same situation, it's something you could do to protect yourself, WITHOUT disrupting everyone else. Regardless of how bad he was, staying in class was the wrong thing to do IMO. |
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Teoka
Raven
Joined: Sep 23, 2007
Posts: 115
Location: Northern VA
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 3:03 pm Post subject: |
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I'm not even in his class anymore.
I understand that it could have been avoided if I had left the class, but that does NOT excuse what he did. He yelled at me and demeaned me, and that's inexcusable. Especially seeing as he knew about my triggers. It's not a service, it's essentially bullying.
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Roxas_XIII
Join the Rebellion
Joined: Jan 09, 2007
Age: 17
Posts: 1219
Location: AREA 11 - Shinjuku Ghetto
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 4:16 pm Post subject: |
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| Teoka wrote: | I'm not even in his class anymore.
I understand that it could have been avoided if I had left the class, but that does NOT excuse what he did. He yelled at me and demeaned me, and that's inexcusable. Especially seeing as he knew about my triggers. It's not a service, it's essentially bullying. |
I had a teacher like this. I don't say her name because it bring back too many foul memories. Anyways, her mistake was yelling at my parents during a conference, telling them that I was nothing more than a spoiled brat and that it was their fault for me being so. Needless to say, I was pulled from her class the day after. Unfortunately, she wasn't fired (although she did recieve a written reprimand on her teaching record.) What's more, the bitch somehow wormed her way into the Special Ed. department of the school board. I believe this promotion coincided with an attepmt at board legislation to construct a "separate facility" for certain Special Ed. students. Voluntary of course, athough I seriously doubt this would be true. Anyways, the board shot it down, but I bet you anything she was behind it.
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Speckles
Deinonychus
Joined: May 03, 2008
Posts: 356
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 4:44 pm Post subject: |
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Yeah, I was over-reacting a bit. Sorry.
I've been in very much the same situation, to tell the truth, though the end result was different. It's not fair for me to judge you like I did, and I apologize.
I do feel very strongly that it's important to not use my disability as an excuse, and that when I can't control myself I need to leave. Taking responsiblity for my difficulties in this way has been a very positive experience. It's also all but essential for holding down a job.
But that's very easy to say from a distance, when I'm not the one suffering. I can't say that I've never gotten overwhelmed, or been depressed. Being high and mighty isn't helpful, and I was wrong to do so.
I hope things go better with the new teacher! |
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Spokane_Girl
I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more
Joined: Jul 17, 2007
Age: 22
Posts: 2371
Location: Benny & Joon town (I wish)
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 9:06 pm Post subject: |
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How else was the teacher supposed to handle the situation?
I can remember in high school, whenever I got upset, I get taken back to the resource room. I used to think it was a punishment but I found out it was no punishment. It was a safe spot for me to calm down so I won't be disruptive to the whole class. Are you guys going to tell me what my school did was wrong too?
I was never embarrassed for that.
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Aspergers, PDD-NOS, autistic, who cares what diagnoses I have, it's just a label. All on the spectrum. |
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Simmian7
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 23, 2008
Age: 27
Posts: 171
Location: Motown
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 10:50 pm Post subject: |
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back in elementary school (a catholic school mind you)... during lunch, they would lock me in an extra class room used for storage.
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*Christina*
It's like someone's calling out to me. Writing it all down...it's like I'm calling back to them.
(quote from August Rush; but used as a reference to my writing) |
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