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Ana54
International Incident Initiator
Joined: Dec 27, 2005
Age: 20
Posts: 6334
Location: Channelview, Texas, USA
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 Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 3:54 pm Post subject: Do people treat you like you're stupid at social stuff? |
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My mom did for the first few years after I was diagnosed at 14. She would explain the obvious to me and tell people I didn't understand social stuff or had a hard time understanding it. It really hurt my feelings and made me so mad, but I was too embarrassed to tell her she was doing that or tell her to stop. I don't even know if I am stupid at social things. She never even gave me a chance to prove myself before labeling me stupid at social stuff. And if I am, SO WHAT? Even if I am stupid at social stuff, it's rude and cruel to treat me like I am. Just like it's rude and mean to treat a retarded person like they're retarded or a stupid person like they're stupid. Has anyone else had this problem? Thankfully my mother let up on it a little. This was the main thing my mother did that had a lasting impact on me and really influenced my opinion of her character.
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Mikomi
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 25, 2008
Age: 30
Posts: 763
Location: On top of your TV, lookin' at you funny.
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 4:10 pm Post subject: |
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They do sometimes. And I don't care. I am lost in many social situations.
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nomadic28
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 04, 2008
Age: 28
Posts: 128
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 4:16 pm Post subject: |
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Wow. She'd say that right in front of you, huh? While that can be taken as pretty rude, and she definitely is not the one to decide what you do or don't understand, her actions serve to both let you know that she is accepting of your condition (that its real, and you are impaired to a degree) and to possibly help cope with it herself. NT's have a hard time wrapping their heads around the concept of social ineptitude brought on by AS. We "get" it, its just hard explaining where it is exactly that we fall out of step with the rest of the world. She sounds to me that she's trying, in an awkward and assuming way, to show that she cares and is considerate. Aspies are notorious for well-intended rudeness, so try to understand. I don't think she's trying to be snotty or condescending intentially. MY mom would probably try to tear apart my assertion that I was slightly autistic, which is why I don't bother telling her.
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Ana54
International Incident Initiator
Joined: Dec 27, 2005
Age: 20
Posts: 6334
Location: Channelview, Texas, USA
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 4:25 pm Post subject: |
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Sometimes when she says it she has a smile on her face as well as a look of pleasure. Sometimes it seems like she enjoys saying it. And when she says it while angry, it's like she's saying it because she knows it will get my goat and she values the understanding of social stuff and I don't have it, I don't have what she values.
I still don't like being treated like a retard, even if she's accepting. What if I'm NOT retarded?
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spudnik
The Killer Bunnie of Caerbannog.
Joined: Feb 20, 2008
Posts: 2017
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 4:32 pm Post subject: |
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Ya my older sister treats me like I am a complete idiot, I had the added benefit of her being a social worker, she worked out of the Grey Nun's in Deadmonton, so lots of help there 
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Ana54
International Incident Initiator
Joined: Dec 27, 2005
Age: 20
Posts: 6334
Location: Channelview, Texas, USA
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 4:39 pm Post subject: |
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I lived in Deadmonton for a while and almost went to the Grey Nuns for some depression study.  I didn't end up being one of the people they picked tho because I was already seeing a shrink and on antidepressants.
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spudnik
The Killer Bunnie of Caerbannog.
Joined: Feb 20, 2008
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 4:45 pm Post subject: |
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I went to the U of A I had a great doctor there, my sister told me not to embarss her by going to the her hospital for help, sometimes family can be no help.
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PrisonerSix
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 16, 2004
Posts: 333
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 4:51 pm Post subject: |
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I know my family does. They say all the problems I've had are all my fault, but I don't agree. In relation to my sister, it's always "Fault is for boys not for girls." Typical NT nonsense.
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PrisonerSix
"I am not a number, I am a free man!" |
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Ana54
International Incident Initiator
Joined: Dec 27, 2005
Age: 20
Posts: 6334
Location: Channelview, Texas, USA
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 4:55 pm Post subject: |
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Spudnik, I also went there. Did you see Dr. Scott Duncan, the psychologist? He was my therapist. My psychiatrist was Douglas Roy Ginter; did you see him?
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Felinity
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 03, 2008
Posts: 159
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 5:25 pm Post subject: |
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i think i AM stupid at social stuff....  |
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slowmutant
Goat Boy
Joined: Feb 14, 2008
Posts: 2941
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 5:49 pm Post subject: |
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| We all have some social impairment. We ae all socially inept to some degree. Others are aware of mine, and I don't give a damn because I know it's true. But no one likes to be patronized, that's for sure. |
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Ornithocheirus
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: May 09, 2008
Age: 158
Posts: 26
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 5:54 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't recall anyone treating me like i'm stupid at social stuff,but i'm stupid at social stuff. |
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Felinity
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 03, 2008
Posts: 159
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 6:15 pm Post subject: |
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I guess if there was a scale showing efficiency in Social Settings, it might look something like this:
Catatonic - LFA - Autism - HFA - AS/NLD - "Normal" - semi-popular - popular - socialite - politician
So, even a "popular" person can improve their "social skills"... to be able to read a room better, to remember names better.. to crack better, more timely jokes... ultimately to the point of winning votes.. for instance..
This isn't an exact scale... just kindof to give the idea that there are varying degrees of social prowess all the way up to the skillful and sometimes conniving, conning, slithery personality of some politicians... It doesn't necessarily make for a better all-round person just because they have better social skills.. There are actually people that can learn the name of every person in a social setting, say of 200 people, and remember those names... Those people are RARE too.. |
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Felinity
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 03, 2008
Posts: 159
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 6:25 pm Post subject: Possible scale for Social Functioning.. any other scales?? |
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I guess if there was a scale showing efficiency in Social Settings, it might look something like this:
Catatonic - LFA - Autism - HFA - AS/NLD - "Normal" - semi-popular - popular - socialite - politician
So, even a "popular" person can improve their "social skills"... to be able to read a room better, to remember names better.. to crack better, more timely jokes... ultimately to the point of winning votes.. for instance..
This isn't an exact scale... just kindof to give the idea that there are varying degrees of social prowess all the way up to the skillful and sometimes conniving, conning, slithery personality of some politicians... It doesn't necessarily make for a better all-round person just because they have better social skills.. There are actually people that can learn the name of every person in a social setting, say of 200 people, and remember those names... Those people are RARE too.. |
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Specter
Sentient Program
Joined: Apr 19, 2008
Age: 17
Posts: 1210
Location: Alaska
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| Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 6:38 pm Post subject: |
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| Mikomi wrote: | | They do sometimes. And I don't care. I am lost in many social situations. |
I am too :D I try to be pleasant and respectful to those who don't know what I mean. I don't expect them to be patient with me though; I just explain my misunderstandings and stress that it's a misinterpretation on my part.
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