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Spokane_Girl
I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more
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Location: Benny & Joon town (I wish)
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 Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 1:34 am Post subject: Would this offend you? |
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If your mom or dad said to you "I sometimes wish you didn't have Aspergers."
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Orwell
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 1:36 am Post subject: |
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Yes. That is saying that they wish you were a different person, or that you aren't good enough as you are.
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aspergian_mutant
Learning to Walk
Joined: Oct 28, 2004
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 1:38 am Post subject: |
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Well, they may just think you would be happier in life if you didn't, especially if you use it as an excuse allot,
but considering the fact that you do have it, and you cant change your genetics and its for life...................
It would have been best if they never brought it up at all. |
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Brandon-J
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Location: North Carolina
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 1:48 am Post subject: |
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| Even though I say that myself alot of times and know inside my mom & dads mind they think the same way but keep it too thereselves. I wouldn't know how to react if they actually said it. |
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ChatBrat
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Joined: Feb 02, 2007
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 1:48 am Post subject: Re: Would this offend you? |
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| Spokane_Girl wrote: | | If your mom or dad said to you "I sometimes wish you didn't have Aspergers." |
I bet it goes deeper than just a superficial comment. What was going on at the time for them to say that? |
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Speckles
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Joined: May 03, 2008
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 1:50 am Post subject: |
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| I might be a little hurt, but not really offended. At least with my parents, what I'd interpret that phrase to mean would be 'I wish you did have to struggle so much.' |
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Irulan
The Borg Queen
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Age: 24
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 2:04 am Post subject: |
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Not at all. I don't care of others' opinions even if it's a member of my closest family who belongs to those others. In my view it would be deprived of elementary logic to take care because it would be following the path of thinking that makes other people's opinions more important than ours.
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Spokane_Girl
I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more
Joined: Jul 17, 2007
Age: 23
Posts: 3337
Location: Benny & Joon town (I wish)
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 2:20 am Post subject: Re: Would this offend you? |
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| ChatBrat wrote: | | Spokane_Girl wrote: | | If your mom or dad said to you "I sometimes wish you didn't have Aspergers." |
I bet it goes deeper than just a superficial comment. What was going on at the time for them to say that? |
My mother and I were in Europe and I was telling her how people get mad at me when i try to help them lose weight. They say they wish they were thin like me and when i try and help them get thin, they get all mad at me, Mom too. That's when she started to tell me when people say they wish something, it doesn't mean they want it to happen and i didn't understand why would someone wish for something and not want it. So mom started using example. She said we can wish for stuff but that doesn't mean it's going to happen. Yes she wish she could be thin like me but watching what she eats and dieting won't work because of her age. For her to lose weight, she is going to have to walk on our treadmill for an hour everyday and she doesn't have the time for it. She also started saying what she wishes like she wished she had a million dollars so she could quit her job and go to places where she always wanted to go. Then she said sometimes she wished I didn't have Aspergers and I asked her why and she said she thinks my life would be easier. I thought mine was mild. Is it really that bad? She sure made it sound like mine was bad so I said "I don't think it has effected me on this trip," and she said "no it hasn't."
I realized it did effect me on the trip, lets see what I did, I failed to notice the fashion the people had on in an area in Paris. I failed to see the looks my mother and I got because we were casual, I failed to see the fact I was being ignored when I was trying to buy a cookie. I failed to see the rude behavior in a small cafe from the eployees behind the counter, I invaded a lady's personal space in Hyde Park in London, I accidently stepped on a woman's toes at Covent garden because she was in my way. I tried to go around her but I sort of tripped and she said ow and acted like I was rude or something. At least I noticed that.
Maybe my mother didn't want me to feel bad or unless she didn't see that as effecting me.
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RampionRampage
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 4:41 am Post subject: |
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not really. i think she just wishes things were a little easier for you.
that said, she probably also realizes that it's central to who you are. it's just a simple way of saying that she sees things are harder being an aspie in an NT world.
i think you should ask her about it, since she seems to really have a good mind about how you see the world vs how NTs see the world, not with any negative feeling about YOU so much as the extra work you have to do being an aspie in a NT world. no parent -wants- their kid to struggle. and she said SOMETIMES she wishes it --- which probably means the times when it confuses or stresses you out. the rest of the time she's probably more worried about her weight. :-p
but i bet she is proud of what you've accomplished, despite your extra challenges.
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2ukenkerl
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Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Posts: 4587
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 7:04 am Post subject: Re: Would this offend you? |
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| Spokane_Girl wrote: | | ChatBrat wrote: | | Spokane_Girl wrote: | | If your mom or dad said to you "I sometimes wish you didn't have Aspergers." |
I bet it goes deeper than just a superficial comment. What was going on at the time for them to say that? |
My mother and I were in Europe and I was telling her how people get mad at me when i try to help them lose weight. They say they wish they were thin like me and when i try and help them get thin, they get all mad at me, Mom too. That's when she started to tell me when people say they wish something, it doesn't mean they want it to happen ... |
NOT that I think this is what I think she wanted to say, but... It IS interesting how she put that, etc... |
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Mikomi
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 9:36 am Post subject: |
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No. I sometimes wish my kids didn't have their respective forms of autism, or that my husband didn't have his, or that I didn't have mine. So no, I wouldn't find it offensive. I recognize that it can be frustrating for others when trying to communicate. Communication barriers are frustrating and lead to misunderstandings, thus it could simply mean one wishes their kid or spouse or loved one or friend could communicate more easily.
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Willard
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 10:32 am Post subject: |
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Whether intended as an insult, or a compassionate well-wish, It would offend me, because the very concept imagines taking away such a large part of who you are and who you have always been, that it's almost like wishing you didn't exist. Without AS, you'd be a completely different person, perhaps less interesting, perhaps more self-serving, who knows?
As a writer, I equate that to erasing a character entirely from a story and replacing them with a totally different character with totally different attributes, It can't help but change the entire tale.
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samantca
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 10:50 am Post subject: |
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| Yeah id get offended by that. And it wouldnt matter how they tried to explain it either, cause i had already heard that they didnt want me to have aspergers... I couldnt have seen the "grey" areas of that statement if someone just said that to me. As for now, reading it i understand that there might be other reasons for them saying so, and that they dont neccesarily mean they dont want me to have it, id be very upset about it when they told me so in person. |
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Pollux
Tufted Titmouse
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Age: 31
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 11:42 am Post subject: |
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It bugs me more that my parents don't really acknowledge that there is anything different about me and think I'm just doing the things I do because I'm stubborn or spoiled and want to have my way. I'm 31 and they think that there should have been some huge change in my personality and "things" (stims, etc) just because I'm an "adult", but I haven't changed much since I was about 12, and they blame me for it, saying I'm lazy or unmotivated or doing things on purpose just to get my way.
THAT drives me nuts. Having them say "I wish you didn't have Asperger's" would almost be a blessing! |
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
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| Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 11:49 am Post subject: |
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I don't find it offensive. Maybe because I compare it to how my family treated me and the things they said to me.
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